Gancey Up Yourself

I just found a great way to cheer myself up, and I hope it works for you.

Go to dictionary.com, key in funny/gross words, and make your computer pronounce them out loud. There are girl and boy readers, and they both have a knack for making funny words funnier. Try these:

Scrotum
Dick
Pussy
Penis
Smegma
Fart
Shit
Poop
Tits
Nuts
Masturbation

The holidays can be depressing. Maybe some dirty words with a deadpan delivery will help. It has to help a little. I mean, just listen!

I am NOT Thankful for Blanket Text Messages

Have you had this happen? You're sitting down to your Thanksgiving meal, and you get this text:

"Happy thx giving to you and yours"

You think to yourself, "That was so nice of Jim to reach out like that, but I haven't talked to him in like a year. Wait, did he send that to just me or to everyone on his phone list?"

That's right. This person cared enough about you to scroll through his/her phone contacts and click YES when it came to your name. You should be honored!

I remember last Christmas I got like 9 blanket texts. They're annoying. I'm sitting down to dinner with my family, and my phone keeps buzzing. I'd turn it off, but would if someone I really care to talk to, like my Aunt in Colorado, calls? So, I have to leave it on and keep checking the darned blankets.

Well, this Thanksgiving I decided to respond to each and every one, and here's what happened.

Blanket Texter One:
Unknown: Happy Thanksgiving. This is the day to be with your family and be thankful for what you have.
My Response: I wish you the same, but to whom am I wishing this towards? I dropped my phone in a urinal a while back.
My Thoughts: I got a new phone contact when he responded! What's bad is that I think we had the same exchange last Christmas after another phone got ran over by a cab.

Blanket Text Two:
Neighbor: Happy Thanksgiving!
Me: Same to you. I know this is a blanket text, but I'm sorry we kept you up the other night.
My Thoughts: I felt a need to explain that I didn't think she was wishing just me a happy holiday, and yes, we did keep up all our neighbors the other night.

Blanket Text Three:
Friend: Happy Thanksgiving!
Me: Same to you! I'm replying to all blanket texters this year. See you at your party
Friend: Hahaha! See you there.
My Thoughts: This person gets it. : )

What are your thoughts, seven readers? Do you agree with blanket texting? Do you do it? Does anyone see themselves responding to a bunch some time, maybe Christmas time? If you do, tell 'um Gancey sent ya.

Playing (Badly) With the Boys

As I was on my way to work this morning, "Playing With the Boys" by Kenny Loggins came on, and I immediately thought about the volleyball scene in Top Gun. When I was a kid, those pilots were locked in a heated grudge match, showing that their rivalry in the sky continued while on the ground. As an adult who knows his way around a volleyball net, all I can think is, "Man, those guys are in good shape, but they suck at volleyball." All four of them: Ice-Man, Slider, Goose, Maverick. They all suck.



You would think that someone on the set, maybe a grip, would know how to hit a ball properly to at least get them looking anything less than a special education gym class. Also, why does Slider flex for the other guys? I mean, it's just a bunch of dudes playing volleyball. It's not like the movie has homosexual undertones or anything. Oh . . . Wait. I mean, "Playing With the Boys" does sound kind of gay.

There's a New Post . . .

. . . at The Liar's Club

The next post here at The Gancer is the 200th. For the historic post, I'm going to ask everyone who comes by to tell me his/her favorite post of mine of all time (the last few years). If you haven't read that many or can't think of any good ones, just skim through like three at random and tell me the least crappy one.

Cast your votes in the comment section of this post, and I'll give the results on the 200th.