I have a few more weeks of vacation to enjoy, and I'm spending a little time right now at a place called Heritage Bikes in Chicago where you can get coffee and get your bicycle fixed.  At least I think they'll work on your bike because there are bikes everywhere in this joint.  Anyway, I thought it would be a good day sit outside enjoying the weather with a cup of coffee and catch up on blogging.

A few things . . .

1. So, I got married on August 1st.  When I started this blog back in 2005, I was fresh off a divorce that left me pretty scared and confused.  I thank any and all readers who have been along for any part of me documenting my misadventures in dating and other things.  It has all led me to the right lady, and I'm very happy.

We got married in San Francisco.  Mrs. Noisewater's grandfather volunteers on a ship on Fisherman's Wharf, the very boat he served on during the Normandy Invasion in World War II.  They fired off the cannons when we were pronounced man and wife, it was all pretty awesome, and everyone had a great time.  

I'll never forget waiting in my tuxedo for the "first look" photo, which in case you don't know (because I didn't until a couple weeks ago) is the photo session of the bride and groom right when they see each other for the first time before the actual wedding.  I was standing on a pier facing the bay with my back turned to my bride coming towards me (it all reminds me of some ancient Greek mythology), when this cool black man walks by and says to me "Damn, you look debonair as fuck!"  I have had a lot of compliments in my day, but I doubt I will get one with such a perfect blend of robust vocabulary, profanity, and a perfect delivery.

That's an actual picture from the big day.

2.  The honeymoon was relaxing, beautiful, and a downright love fest in Maui.  I hadn't ever been to Hawaii, and if it weren't for the fact that it's really expensive, I would probably go every year.  We signed up for a tour where a van picks you up from your hotel at 2AM and drives you up a volcano.  They give you jackets and gloves and things because it's freezing way up there, and then you watch the sun come over the horizon right at eye level.  It was pretty incredible.  You are then given bicycles and a helmets and you coast on your bike down the volcano!  We got dropped off back at the hotel at 12PM, and it was like, "What do we do now?  We've already biked down a volcano before noon!"

Here's a volcano crater sunrise pic from the internet that is better than the ones I took on my crummy phone.

 3. The other night my bride and I cooked a nice meal together and opened up a good bottle of wine.  We were looking for something to watch and she says, "Why don't we watch this beach volleyball match that you taped?"  I got the right lady.  She's awesome.  Awesome "as fuck," as a matter of fact.

This isn't us.  But this is how I felt after her DVR choice.

Show Yourself, Russian Readers!

Do you ever look at your blogs statistics?  It shows you what country checks out your blog the most, and not surprisingly, the U.S is way out in front.  What is surprising is that no other country has even 100 readers except Russia.  How are all these Russians finding this page?  I want to hear from you, Russia!  

I also like to check what Google searches lead to page hits, and the biggest ones are "Is Mark Wahlberg an asshole," "jackie onasis hairy pussy," and "saggy testical surgery."

Let me know what you find on your stats page, Seven Readers, and I'll respond with smart-assed remarks, as always.  

Is Facebook Killing Blogger?

So, I blogged long before Facebook, but now it just feels like I can make a lot more people laugh with instant results on FB in a way that I just can't with Blogger. Still, I know that Blogger is more O.G., and it's a smarter media in most every way.

Well, either way, I already put this on Facebook, but it's too damn funny not to share with you all, my intelligent friends that may not spend their day playing farming games and Family Feud knockoffs. As always, hit pause on the music player on the right before hitting play and hearing this awesomeness.



I never had Bieber Fever until he dabbled in death metal. What a voice on that kid! Sounds like one long sustained belch!

Hits From the Google

A blog buddy of mine, Grant Miller Media, has done some funny posts about which web searches are leading to hits to his site, and it got me curious about what people are looking for when they find my site, apparently ranked number 12,440,042 most popular in the free world!

Here are the top ten . . .

10. I Guess I Didn't Know. People are still searching for that song?

9. What are important good son and daughter What an odd search. If you have to search the web to find out if you're a good son, odds are you're not.

8. Try the Veal. Are people searching to see who said that, only to find that it's just a general phrase that comedians would say, and now people trying unsuccessfully to be funny say it? What comedy clubs served veal, anyway?

7. Edward 40's Hands. Yes! It's comforting to know that this awful drinking game sure to make people puke is bringing folks to my site.

6. Tour De Franzia So, this slightly classier (?) drinking game appears to be slightly edging out the former one, at least among the eleven people who come to my page a week.

5. Urban Sombrero. People looking for information on the Seinfeld episode with this apparel were not likely to find what they were looking for in this now embarrassing to me, slightly misogynist post.

4. Text in Blankets. This is the only one where I wasn't sure which post of mine it was meant for, and it turns out it's the one where I bitch about people sending blanket text messages on holidays. It must be one of those things that pisses people off but there's not much on the web about it.

3. Who said crappola Apparently I've used the word crappola in three different posts, making me a decent answer for 'who said crappola?'

2. Gancers. What's odd is that the plural form of Gancer has never been used on here, yet it still comes in at number two, somehow.

1. Jeff Galuli. The people who searched the most for my site were looking for Jeff Gillooly, only I spelled the name wrong in the comments section of this post I did years ago. I'm thinking that this was just some guy named Jeff Galuli who searched his own name a few times, wondering why people laughed and thought of crowbars and ice skaters when they heard his name.

Also, before I forget, Beck Eye over at The Pop Eye was the winner of my caption contest, and because I'm broke and can't afford to give a good prize, I told her I would give a plug to her site. She does an awesome job updating regularly, and she has an insane knowledge of pop culture and today's music. Also we recently figured out that we are both unpaid writers for Starpulse.com. There, Beck Eye, that should get you eleven more hits on your site this month.