Sunday, March 11, 2007

Tour De Franzia and Edward 40's Hands

One of my former roommates was always pushing for a Tour De Franzia night. Have you heard of this? I did a little research, and although there are many variations in rules and regulations, essentially it involves two teams drinking the shit out of boxes of Franzia wine. Some people require that the bag of wine be taken out of the box for the sole purpose of slapping the bag like it's a fat rear end and watching it jiggle after each gulp. Uniforms are also a must, complete with matching helmets and spandex for each team. The headache the next day would be excruciating, but the satisfaction one would feel after ringing out that bag of Franzia, and giving that empty bag the final slap would make it all worth while and time well spent.

How about Edward 40's Hands, when you duct tape 40 ounces of malt liquor to each hand, so that essentially all you can do is drink malt liquor until they're both finished? No going to the bathroom either, unless you know someone willing to unzip your pants, take out your thing, shake it, and put it away. You wouldn't be able to trim the bushes in your backyard nearly as well as Johnny Depp, but you'd get a helluva lot drunker.

What do you think, readers? Which of these two games would you play? Which one would you be better at?

19 comments:

K.I.D. said...

The 2nd one, definitely. Franzia is rank.

Julie_Gong said...

40 Hands is an evil evil game but so much drunken fun! The other one sounds like a world of pain.

Matt said...

Although the second one does sound cool, I think I'd fancy my chances a lot better on the first one!

classyandfancy said...

Since I pretty much drink 80oz of beer minimum before having to go to the bathroom and I can use the bathroom without assistance, I would totally rule the school of 40 hands.

Grad School Reject said...

Gotta go with 40 hands, but it must be understood by the person designated as "my penis handler" that more than 3 shakes is playing with it. Cause you know...3 shakes would make it weird.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

k.i.d.: Yes, but not even just to wear the bike outfit?

Julie: You've played? You must tell us of your experiences . . .

Matt: Okay, that's one vote for The Tour. He fancies it ladies and gentlemen!

Classy: You would tear that shit up w/ 2 40's of Old English!

Grad: Frank Zappa did decree three times as "playing with it." I'll keep that in mind when handling your penis, but only if you handle mine.

Kadonkadonk said...

I am SO going to be stocking up on 40's this weekend! How is it that I have never heard of such a wonderful game?

ReckenRoll said...

Seeing as how I've always found the beer hangover more manageable than the wine hangover I have to go with the 40s.

Speaking of baseball, one of my favourites was always beer-an-inning (self explanatory). It's like '100' - easy at first but the 7th, 8th, and 9th inning seem to go so quick...especially if there is any 3 up 3 down action in the first (speaking of things in 3s)

Pud said...

I would go with the Edward 40's hands. There is just something disturbing about drinking wine out of a bag,

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I'm with K.I.D. - Franzia (while the wine of choice by my parents and probably the first wine I ever had) is rank. But I love the idea of matching costumes though.

Mr. Shife said...

I like Edward 40 hands big time. I wish someone would have told us about this in college because it would have been awesome. I am not a big fan of wine either mostly because we abused the hell out of the cheap stuff in college.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Kadonk: Let me know how it turns out. Tap the bottle and twist the cap!

Reck: I suppose I'm more likely to play the inning game than the other two. Those last couple are tough, because there's a last call in the 8th, 7th for night games. You gotta stock up for the late innings!

Pud: Do not be disturbed, Pud . . . You'll never go back to bottles.

Cherry: That settles it, let's wear the bike costumes but do DO the Edward 40's Hands.

Shife: You and the Mrs. should play it some night!

kb said...

wine in a box, okay. wine in a bag, no go. far too colostomy for my tastes. of course, the costumes are tempting.

Steph said...

Ohh drinking games. Such fun...I think...can't quite remember.
I'd do the first one, aint nobody gonna go pee for me.

Big Pissy said...

I don't drink.

But I think these games would be fun to watch! ;-)

Anonymous said...

I don't think I could keep up in any drinking game anymore. Wait, who am I kidding? I would kick butt in the Tour-de-Franzia. Plus, then I can at least pee!

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

KB: Yeah, let's get some uniforms and make it happen!

Steph: Well, the other options is to wear depends or a stadium buddy.

Pissy: Well, try playing Edward 2 litre Hands with 2 Litres of coke.

Anon: Way to stay in the game! You gotta get in it to win it.

mysterygirl! said...

I'd go Tour de Franzia-- it would be like being a character in a Hemingway novel, drinking out of wineskins. Plus I like to wear a uniform/costume. It makes me feel all team-y.

A round of 40 Hands might, you know, kill me, especially if we're drinking 40s of malt liquor and not just beer. I'm small and weak.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mystery: Would if we taped boxes of Franzia to our hands?