Monday, February 04, 2008

Double Stream


Women, did you or did you not know this fact: Sometimes when men pee, usually after sex, his stream of urine splits into two streams.

Don't ask me how it came up, but some friends and I were talking about this phenomenon the other night. During that conversation, and in my limited research afterwards, what I've found is that women typically aren't privy to this little bit of penis knowledge. It's a lot like the Shrinkage episode of Seinfeld, where George and Jerry ask Elaine if she knew that penises (or is it peni?) shrink up after being in cold water, so that they could gauge whether Jerry's girlfriend would think George was simply cold or hung like a seven-year-old.

The only time I've seen the Double Stream addressed in pop culture, my only source of information, let's face it, was in Me Myself and Irene when Jim Carey's character wakes up, takes a pee, and it sprays exaggeratedly sideways. Although it's not a double stream specifically, he says something to the effect of, "Why am I peeing like I've been having sex all night," because the character had a split personality and he didn't remember his actions while his alter ego was in control of his body. So, this scene does let women in on the fact that there is a correlation between too many, if there is such a thing, rounds of sex and its effect upon the male's stream of urine.

However, I think this isn't enough to get this sort of valuable information out to the masses, and here at the Gancer, the same site that gave you insightful information on the vart (queef), I'd like to ask my readers if they think it is a worthwhile endeavor to get the definition onto Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary, or both, and what should the name of the condition be called, since Double Stream is a little obvious and blah? Your thoughts?

53 comments:

Jenni said...

First of all, when you pee double, is it more prone to fall outside of the toilet? If so, that sucks. This is why my husband cleans the bathroom.

I don't know what to call it. Honestly...I'm at a loss...My cleverness has left me with that last 16 oz glass of prune juice.

Gah.

zen wizard said...

I would say that Double Stream would be a welcome entry into the Urban Dictionary.

I wonder if Double Stream Phenomena would be admissible in court--say, in Florida, where evidence of adultery precludes alimony payments.

Like if a woman was in a celibate marriage and she caught her husband executing a Double Stream.

There is no analogous telltale adultery sign that the female physiology gives up, that I know of. I guess that means more job security for those detectives on "Cheaters."

thisdayandage said...

haha...I must admit that I had no idea. and I do think that you should definitely, absolutely, without a doubt make this a wikipedia page and an urban dictionary post. everyone should recognize this phenomenon and welcome it into their lives with open arms. okay, maybe not to that extent, but regardless, I think it should be posted online as soon as possible. ha.

if you do, post the link.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jenni: Yeah, odds are you're going to miss the mark when it first comes out double, because it catches you off guard. But, you can then change your aim, and sometimes push hard enough to get it back to one stream. Crazy, right? I'm off to your blog to read about you and prune juice. Hot!

Zen: You always bring an interesting twist to any issue. A Double Stream as evidence of infidelity? Brilliant! Still, I was counting on you for a good name for this disorder.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Thisday: Hey, didn't see you there. Yeah, when you say welcome it with open arms, it kind of sounds like you're getting a Double Stream Golden Shower, which should also be added to urbandictionary.com

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I'm stumped as to a good name.

But I sometimes get the DS at ramdom times too. Does that mean there's something wrong with me?

So@24 said...

Let's not forget to mention the inevitable tripod stance that's taken once you have to go but have that pesky erection.

"It shrinks?"
"Yes..."
"Why??"
"I don't know! It just does!"

radioactive girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WendyB said...

Wow,this is something I so never needed to know about. I must repress this immediately.

JerseySjov said...

double stream is i think the simplest and least offensive term for this phenomena.
or you could go with:
post-coital stream
sex piss
bifurcated urine
splitting the golden river
sex fountain
orgasm-induced crazypee
golden sprinkler
horizontal spray

...ill be back with more as i think of them

JerseySjov said...

...
stud's spray
sex drip
double funneling
pissing through the sex sieve

JerseySjov said...

...
the lucky man's bathroom break

Kadonkadonk said...

I learn something new every day. How did I not know that?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Cherry: I used to get the DS at random times when I was a kid, but not much anymore. Maybe my flow is slowing down. Should I pick up some of that Flomax shit? I don't know, the side effects hardly seem worth the trouble to get a little DS going . . .

24: Ah, the Half Mast Piss. Always a challenge. Best to just wait that sucker out.

Radioactive: In the interest of science, I think you have to put in a call to him. Congrats for being the first woman to know of its existence!

Wendy: There's no forgetting it now . . . Thanks for coming by! Sorry the first topic you saw was so gross . . .

Jersey: Great brain-storming! I am a fan of Stud Spray. Alliterative, flattering, it works.

Donk: We can learn at The Gancer. It's not always just for laughs at my expense.

Angela said...

Too funny, I swear you were in my bedroom this weekend. This exact conversation came up, with the quote from the movie and everything. It was a new one to me, I thought I knew everything. Thanks for making me laugh!!

So@24 said...

Jersey is fucking good!

ReckenRoll said...

Just like Seinfeld taught me about shrinkage, the Gancer has taught me about the double stream.

Thank you so much for sharing. Many will benefit from your love of teaching.

carolyn says said...

This is probably the most educational blog in the world. you should get a grant for dispensing all this wisdom

non-Blondie said...

ha! See, not watching my boyfriend pee after sex, and not having a penis myself, I am so unqualified to comment on this topic I don't even know why I'm commenting.

That said, is there any simple one-word description of like, when a river forks off into streams or something that you can adopt for this?

JerseySjov said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JerseySjov said...

...
cheater's wet giveaway
twin golden showers
fork in the pee
two streams diverged in a wood
the happy fountain

JerseySjov said...

...
willy's wonky fun spray
after-hours double shower

ok, that makes 20 from me, im done

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Angela: Isn't it weird when you learn something for the first time in a lifetime, and then hear about it shortly after? Thanks for coming by!

24: Yes! She's a teacher's pet. I wish I had something to offer. I think I have some Borders gift cards lying around here somewhere . . .

Reck: I've said it before: We can learn at The Gancer. It doesn't always have to be funny. Sometimes we learn, but usually it's limited to bodily function knowledge.

Carolyn: If you can get me a grant to study the Double Stream, I will not disappoint! Hey, haven't seen you by the blog in a LONG time. Good to "see" you!

Non-Blonde: I like the track you're going on here. What's an aquifer?

Jersey: Back for more brainstorming! I really like Fork in the Pee. Damn you! That should have been the title of this entry.

pistols at dawn said...

Very kind of you to address this terrible, terrible problem. You're truly a man of the people.

zen wizard said...

"Forked Whizz Syndrome."

"Dual Golden Showerhead."

"Mitt Romney Spray."

"Deviated Scrotum Expulsion."

"Fornication Fork."

"Siamese Twin-kle."

"Ammonia Polygraph."

That's all I got for now...

zen wizard said...

Or how about,

"Urine Trouble."

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Pistols: So, I've been told . . .

Zen: Dual Golden Showerhead might be the front runner!!!

zen wizard said...

White Man Leak With Forked Schlong...

thisdayandage said...

jersey has too much time on her hands. and I respect it. a lot.

oh, and I would love to partake in a "double stream golden shower," as you referred to it. sounds...magical?

Kadonkadonk said...

PS - I can't figure out what I did to my music to get it to keep playing. I am sure it was a total accident whatever it was since I am not exactly an IT expert. Sorry I can't help...

zen wizard said...

Tigris and Euphrates Syndrome...

zen wizard said...

Eerie Canal Syndrome?

JerseySjov said...

oh, and the plural of 'penis' is 'penises' or 'penes'.
ive also seen 'penii' in classic literature, notably [actually only] in the grapes or wrath, which led to the best english class of my entire year because my teacher wrote it on the otherwise blank chalkboard in ridiculously large cursive in order to explain it to us. i'm not sure if he expected the roomful of high school juniors to NOT giggle, but it certainly made a great memory from the first day of class.

however, the only form accepted by spellcheck is 'penises'.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

ThisDay: I can't help you out, cause I can't do it on command. Cherry Ride is your man, since he gets the DS all the time.

Donk: I will figure it out. Oh yes, I will figure it out . . .

Jersey and Zen: The two of you are having a BATTLE! I love it!

I know the plural is penises, but I just felt like saying Peni. That was the first day of class???????

josh williams said...

I believe its pronounced Pinis or thats how I like to pronounce it.I have a side by side urinal in my half bath just for such occasions.

Steph said...

Wow! Never knew that. It would explain why guys piss all over the fucking place though.

Why haven't we been told???? You need to get this info out to the masses.

zen wizard said...

If Chang and Eng Bunker got laid, they would have a cool Mississippi Delta-thing goin' on.

Did they ever get laid at the same time? They almost had to, they had like twenty kids.

That would really suck to be the other one, while the other one is getting laid.

Especially if SHE was getting into it. It's hard enough to figure out what Faulkner is trying to say when it's QUIET.

Eve said...

I had no idea! I wonder why that happens?

I vote for Siamese Twin-kle.

josh williams said...

Chang and Eng Bunker now that is interesting, if they did a it quatro syle did they have a four stream pee and when they pooped who and do you think they ever caught themselves masturbating? I better stop my head is spinning.

zen wizard said...

well, the only thing further i have to add to this discussion is that women don't suffer the same phenomenon.

i saw a porno movie once where the chick humped the dude and then whizzed on him....it was a normal stream. well, as normal as a stream on somebody's HEAD can be.

Ms. Laaw-yuhr said...

Oh Gancer, I love you more with every read.

My suggestions:

Sex Piss-tol
Hydra
parting the red sea

So@24 said...

41 comments! What are you complain' 'bout Gancey?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

My penis has a variety of different settings for urinating, depending on how you twist the head. For example:

- Turbo Stream
- Niagra Falls
- Golden Shower
- Mellow Yellow
- Amber Mist

Oddly enough, several of these are also popular soft drinks.

Sassy Blondie said...

Hmm...I'm now thinking more about what the scientific explanation for this strange occurrence is...but the prior comments did cause me to giggle quite a bit.

Other than that, I got nothing.

Grad School Reject said...

Riffing off of Ms. Laaw-yuhr's excellent suggestion I vote for:

The Double Barreled Sex Piss-tol

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Josh: You mean you Double Stream it into two separate urinals? That I have to see. Thanks for coming by!

Steph: Glad I could educate you! Now, get the word out to the Land Down Under.

Zen: Ummm, I haven't read that Faulkner book. However, I did read Hello, God. It's Me Margarette, and I think she talks about the double stream.

Josh: Yeah. Didn't read it. I'm glad I could provide a forum for smart people though!

Zen: So you're saying the Double Stream Porno is uncharted ground? Let's make that happen, my friend.

Law: Hydra is one of the best ones I've heard, and I'm not just saying that. Hydra Piss! Makes me feel like a dragon!

24: Not bad, right? Well, a lot of them are repeat customers, like Zen and Jersey coming back with 100 ideas. I love my readers . . .

Mighty: Well played. How about Double Yellow?

Sassy: I think the scientific cause is dried up cum in the dick hole, but that's just a theory.

Grad: Oooooh, I like that we're building on each other's ideas. I should take the best ones and have a vote, but that would take time and effort.




Eve: Very clever! I like it.

Jake Titus said...

Yes ladies the old post coital piss fissure exists. But let me add to your male urinary tract education. With half a stiffy and an unwavering urge, we can shut off the stream splitter by bending forward at the waste, shutting off the auto pilot, and aiming by hand. I know TMI. But that might slow down any future curiosity that you might have about us.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jake: Informative information from a first time visitor! Thanks for coming by. Is that picture of the hydrant your usual pic, or just when it's a related topic?

Jake Titus said...

Not post specific, just seemed to fit me for the moment. . .

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jacke: I see. That picture looks like doggy porn.

All: Thanks for getting me to 50 comments for the first time in The Gancer's 3 years of existence! Sure, there were a lot of repeat commenters, and a few were me, but still. It's a big deal to me to hit the Five Oh.

Anonymous said...

If you have seen the movie 'Hot Rod', you would know about this. The radio host has a shirt with Calvin peeing on two types of radio with a double stream and then he explains what the double stream is.
=D

Anonymous said...

how about Venom pee? It does shoot out like two streams of venom.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Hmmm. Thanks anonymous readers for the input. Now I want to look up Hot Rod and see who was first on the Double Stream.