When I Grow Up I Want To Be a Drunken Game Show Host

On Sunday, I nestled into a nice little groove in my couch and watched about three episodes of Ninja Warrior, a Ninja reality show, which is an idea I thought I made up (damn it!), and about four classic episodes of The Family Feud. I learned three things about Richard Dawson, and they are as follows.

1. He's often piss-drunk
2. He kisses lots of female contestants on the mouth
3. He kicks ass (see points one and two)

No current TV game show host in this day and age could hold a job if he/she were to show up drunk. Pat Sajak is really established and a fixture of late afternoon, American television, but a couple drunk episodes, and he'd be escorted off the set. As for Vana White, hell she could do that job drunk and nobody would care. Hell, a drunk muskrat could spin those stupid letters. ANYWAY, in a couple Feud episodes that we saw, Richard was downright unintelligible. I searched high and low on You Tube for the drunkest episodes, because I swear you'd laugh your ass off, but it was mostly postings of his final show, in which he was surprisingly sober, and an American Gladiators episode*. I didn't watch to see if he kissed the Gladiator women, but I think Zap could put him through a wall if he got too fresh.

I did, however, find a posting of a show I had seen earlier on the Game Show Network in which it was Richard's birthday. The producers surprised him by having, instead of the usual troglodyte family behind the door, in this case the Larson Family, his daughter and son in law were there with a cake. I'd be pissed if I were the Larson family, because the coolest part of being on the show was striking a funny pose behind the door, like everyone playing poker. Anyhow, when Richard saw his family members in place of the, in my opinion, cheated Larson Family, he was moved to tears, and he proceeded to, true to form, kiss both his son and his daughter-in-law on their respective mouths. Yuck! Then it got weirder when the producers sprung another surprise on him by flying out his long-lost son, who isn't just any son, but a SKUNK BOY son. Can anyone figure out why he has those skunk streaks in his hair? Too bazaar for words. You just have to watch.

Skunk Boy!!

*Oddly enough, many of the posted videos had Mighty Dykerson's name on it. Mighty, did you beat me to a Richard Dawson post?