Tuesday, May 22, 2007

When I Grow Up I Want To Be a Drunken Game Show Host

On Sunday, I nestled into a nice little groove in my couch and watched about three episodes of Ninja Warrior, a Ninja reality show, which is an idea I thought I made up (damn it!), and about four classic episodes of The Family Feud. I learned three things about Richard Dawson, and they are as follows.

1. He's often piss-drunk
2. He kisses lots of female contestants on the mouth
3. He kicks ass (see points one and two)

No current TV game show host in this day and age could hold a job if he/she were to show up drunk. Pat Sajak is really established and a fixture of late afternoon, American television, but a couple drunk episodes, and he'd be escorted off the set. As for Vana White, hell she could do that job drunk and nobody would care. Hell, a drunk muskrat could spin those stupid letters. ANYWAY, in a couple Feud episodes that we saw, Richard was downright unintelligible. I searched high and low on You Tube for the drunkest episodes, because I swear you'd laugh your ass off, but it was mostly postings of his final show, in which he was surprisingly sober, and an American Gladiators episode*. I didn't watch to see if he kissed the Gladiator women, but I think Zap could put him through a wall if he got too fresh.

I did, however, find a posting of a show I had seen earlier on the Game Show Network in which it was Richard's birthday. The producers surprised him by having, instead of the usual troglodyte family behind the door, in this case the Larson Family, his daughter and son in law were there with a cake. I'd be pissed if I were the Larson family, because the coolest part of being on the show was striking a funny pose behind the door, like everyone playing poker. Anyhow, when Richard saw his family members in place of the, in my opinion, cheated Larson Family, he was moved to tears, and he proceeded to, true to form, kiss both his son and his daughter-in-law on their respective mouths. Yuck! Then it got weirder when the producers sprung another surprise on him by flying out his long-lost son, who isn't just any son, but a SKUNK BOY son. Can anyone figure out why he has those skunk streaks in his hair? Too bazaar for words. You just have to watch.


Skunk Boy!!


*Oddly enough, many of the posted videos had Mighty Dykerson's name on it. Mighty, did you beat me to a Richard Dawson post?

20 comments:

ReckenRoll said...

1) Richard is a very creepy man with all the lip kissing.

2) Is it wrong that I got a little teary watching that reunion?

I am such a girl.

classyandfancy said...

The son (non-skunk boy) that he kisses looks like those little trolls that Nacho Libre wrestled. Shit, I'm all for mouth kiss, but c'mon Rich, I thought you had some standards!

Alannah said...

Best drunken game show host EVAR was Gene Rayburn on Match Game. I think it was a prerequisite that everyone be loaded on that show.

K.I.D. said...

THAT was weird.

But touching.

Fever Dog said...

These people are strangers to me, it makes me sad. And likewise, you would have no idea who legends like Roy Walker are...

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Reck:
1. Creepily AWESOME!
2. You are such a chick . . . Okay, fine, I got teary eyed too.

Classy: He kind of looked like Phillip Seymore Hoffman in Boogie Nights too.

Alanah: Richard Dawson was on that show a lot, so he didn't mind getting drunk.

K.I.D.: I've been described as weird but touching. Wait, I've been ACCUSED of weird touching.

Dr. Johnny Fever: Doesn't ring a bell. I'm sure he was a jolly good fellow.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I write all my blog posts while drunk.

Fever Dog said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KotjiUQ7e0s
that's Roy Walker

The [Cherry] Ride said...

OK, like Reckenroll, I teared up a little too. But then again, I think it is a confirmed fact that I am indeed a girl.

Is it wrong that I have a sorta crush on Richard Dawson?

Kadonkadonk said...

I couldn't finish watch that skunky freak - what the fuck? I have never seen anything so crazy in my life!

Mr. Shife said...

I think I would like to get all hopped up and make bad decisions like Richard. Isn't that show Dawson's Creek about his life?

Steph said...

That is comedy GOLD! They don't make game show hosts like THAT anymore.

phishez_rule said...

I wish we could all show up to work piss drunk and have no ramifications.

Responsibility is overrated.

ADW said...

The strange thing is that men and women alike were actually EXCITED to kiss him full on the mouth.

He probably drank the mouthwash instead of swishing it.

Drunken Chud said...

i too always loved and admired richard dawson. seriously, even when he was on the panel on match game, bitches would get up and walk over to get a kiss from richard. P-I-M-P!

mysterygirl! said...

I loved that sloppy SOB Richard Dawson-- I would totally let him kiss me on the mouth (does that sound weird? probably). And if I got to pose behind that big door, I think I'd make my family do Charlie's Angel-type poses.

I'm Not Carrie Bradshaw said...

Where is your Marry 'Em, Kill 'Em, or F'Em post???

chuckdaddy2000 said...

What about a game show host on PCP? All pumped up and starting fights.

I know a stoned game show host would be pretty boring, but a game show host on acid would be interesting...

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mighty: I'm commenting drunk right now, so that's a start.

Fever: I must check him out!

Cherry: It's not wrong that you have a crush on RD. It's fucking HOT.

Kad: Yes. That was weird, wild stuff.

Shife: His show would be called Dawson's Make Out With the Whole Family Creek.

Steph: Those were the good old days. . .

Phishez: Agreed. I wish we could give sloppy kisses to everyone too.

adw: Are you kidding me? I'd shove my own granny out of the way for a chance to kiss RD on the mouth.

Chud: He is a muthahubbard P-I-M-P.

Mystery: You would be good on that show, because you're down with the open mouth kisses, and ready to get your family in a dumb pose. Sign up!!

Carrie: Thanks for reminding me. Done.

Chuck: You ever see clips of that pitcher who didn't think he was going to pitch, so he got ALL f'd up on acid. Turns out he had to pitch and he got a perfect game. I guess he was swatting at shit and all kinds of stuff. I'm off to youtube to look for that . . .

Anonymous said...

richard never drank. his brother was an alcoholic. also, kissing wasn't creepy. richard was the classiest man in the business. he was extremely generous as well.