These Are the Records That Were Spinning In My Neighborhood

I've been putting off blogging by watching all kinds of useless junk on the internet, such as this band that dresses up like Transformers and plays songs from "Transformers: The Movie," the animated movie from 1986. Aren't those costumes fantastic? But I can't help but feel sorry for the guy stuck portraying Spike, the earthling and friend of the Transformers. It's as if they ran out of money on the other elaborate costumes and just stuck him with a factory jumpsuit and a hard hat.



Tomorrow I'm going out to the suburbs for a record sale hosted some dude in his garage. He says that if you show him on your phone that you have shared the link to the add to someone else on Facebook, he will give you an ice cold Old Style tall boy. For my European readers (okay, reader, let's face it), Old Style is a cheap beer sold only in the midwest, and tall boy means a 16 ounce can. It seems this guy has way too many records and decided to take a couple days drinking beer in his garage and selling a bunch of vinyl. It's only a town or two over from my parents' place, I like beer, and I like records. How can I say no? The plan is to drop my very pregnant wife off at work and drive right out into the suburbs to thumb through stacks and stacks of vinyl while sipping on a cool one. What a great way to end the summer!

No idea who this guy is, but is he more proud of his lady or the beer?

Speaking of the very pregnant wife, it's now the 25th of August, and our due date is September 12th. We have the crib set up in the bedroom, and sometimes we will walk by it and say, "Hey, that's where baby sleeps!" Then we will be in the car and motion to the backseat where the carseat is hooked up and say, "That's where baby rides!" Just today I drove Mrs. Noisewater by the hospital on her way to way to work, and she said, "Hey, Ken. That's where baby is going to be born." It's obvious the first time we say those things, then it's just repetitive, and after a while it's hilarious to us. I think because we both can't believe we are having a baby in a matter of weeks, maybe days!

And then back to vinyl again: Today's actual blog topic involves listening to the records that were on the turntable when I was a kid and recording my impressions now and memories then. My mom and dad were actually not that big on rock music. Their collection consists of a lot more jazz and classical. However, there were a handful of rock records that they would play, and my sister and I would spin those select few over-and-over.

1. Fleetwood Mac, "Rumors."



As a little kid, I'll be honest, the first thing that excited me about the record was the cover because Mick Fleetwood had a pair of balls dangling from strings like a nut sack. Balls were funny then, and they still are. And I like how Stevie Nicks gazes in the general direction of his dangling crawdads with a look of utmost sincerity. Within the lyric sheet insert there are a series of photographs, and in one there is a guy smoking a joint. I remember hearing at school how terrible and illegal drugs were, so I thought that by pressing this album, the police could go to that guy's house and arrest him for drug use. Isn't it weird how brainwashed and confused little Kenneth Noisewater was from public education?

There were two simultaneous break ups going on within Fleetwood Mac at the time they made "Rumours." Bass player John McVie and his wife, keyboard player and singer Christie McVie, were going through a divorce. Christie was seeing a new guy, and she wrote a song about her rejuvenated faith in love called "You Make Loving Fun." John had to play bass on a song about his wife being all excited about fucking someone new! This fueled his already heavy drinking. John would be one of the first guys into the studio to record his parts, and he would often be the first one done because he would pass out.

Lindsay Buckingham, singer and guitarist, was also splitting up with his girlfriend, singer and hippy-chick poet all-star, Stevie Nicks. Stevie was taking it really hard and wrote an amazing song called "Dreams" all about it. Not to be outdone, Lindsey wrote one too called "Go Your Own Way." So, four of the five members were having break-ups with each other, and that left drummer, Mick Fleetwood, who was in the midst of a failing marriage with his wife. The pain and heartache all five members were experiencing at the time could have spelt disaster, but it was instead channeled into a catharsis that became one of the best albums in rock history; certainly the best break up album. In fact, all five members are given writing credit for an extremely moving piece of music called "The Chain." That's one of those songs that even as a 7-year-old kid, nowhere near dating any chicks or having any breakups of my own, I knew that song was somehow important. It was just majestic.

2. My sister and I probably played Three Dog Night the most. I remember big sister and her friend made a dance routine to "One," of all songs, and would play it over-and-over again to rehearse their steps. My parents still talk about a trip we took to Pittsburgh where us two and the kids of our family friends were spontaneously singing "Joy To the World" during any downtime. I didn't know at the time, but Three Dog Night was a cover band. I loved "Try a Little Tenderness" as a youngster and had no idea that Otis Redding did it first. "Celebrate," and "Old Fashioned Love Song" we also liked. We thought "Eli's Coming" was about some sort of bad boogie man type coming to get everyone. Then up until recently I thought it was a song warning people against a cock block buddy of his. Allow me to explain.

What he's really saying:

"Eli's coming, hide your heart girl."

What I thought he was saying:

"Eli's coming, hide your hot girl."

Not at all about a cock block. My apologies. 

3. My mom and dad had only one Rolling Stones album called "Gimme Shelter." One side, to my recollection, were recorded versions of "Gimme Shelter," "Jumpin' Jack Flash," "Street Fighting Man," "Honkey Tonk Woman," and "Love In Vain." The other side was a collection of live songs, the only which I know for sure were "Satisfaction" and "Under My Thumb." My sister and I rarely gave that side a spin.

What I do remember is feeling so sad when I heard "Love In Vain." It's a Robert Johnson cover. He is the blues legend from the 1930's who was rumored to have sold his soul in exchange for a brief and wondrous career that would prove to be extraordinarily influential to blues and later rock music. There is only that one session of recordings and that one picture that we always see of the man. In any event, it wasn't just Jagger's pained vocals that struck a chord, so to speak, with me. Mick Taylor's slide guitar was wailing away in anguish in a way 7-year-old Ken just didn't hear on the 1980's radio stations that were playing Kajagoogoo around that time.



My parents threw out all their records some time in the early 2000's, but I have since tracked down my own copies of some of them. However, I don't have that same Stones record. What I have is "Let It Bleed," largely because of that "Love In Vain" cover is one there. In a case of tragic music-lover irony, the only song on either side that skips is none other than "Love In Vain."

It's all the more a sad song to hear Mick keeps saying

"I followed her to the station . . . With a suitcase in my hand (hic), in my hand (hic), in my hand (hic), in my hand (hic) . . ."

Sushi for One Is Like . . . The Wind

I was wore out after a long work day, and all I wanted to do was park the car, get something to eat, and pass out.  I didn't want to wait for something to be delivered, so I went to the sushi place across the street from my apartment and got a table for one.  That is fine with me.  I don't care that there are a few couples in there, a couple of ladies together drinking wine, and then a table of newly 21-year-olds talking about buying beer.  That's fine.  I'm a grown-ass man and can eat by myself.

Then suddenly, when moments ago I didn't even take notice what songs were playing, I hear the first few notes of "She's Like the Wind" by Patrick Swayze, and now it feels really awkward being alone.  What a terrible, awful, melodramatic song, and with no one to laugh at it with, it just made me feel pathetic there alone, swirling my wasabi and soy in a lonely pattern.



Then it got worse.  They played "Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, a song that my long distance girlfriend, who is right now a long distance away, have sang a bunch of times in numerous karaoke bars all across Chicago.  I know it's kind of a corny song, but it's also a pretty good one; and when it means something to you, the lyrics are suddenly profound.  Like the two in the song, I wanted to call her up to tell her I love her and to come back home.  I had to settle up the bill and get the hell out of there before I started crying into my sushi, blaming it on the ginger.

We had all summer together, and when she is done with these last 3 quarters of school, we'll be back together for good, but it is just hard on nights like this.  I just need other strategies besides Kid Rock's drink her away formula . . . .



How about you guys?  You ever been in a long-distance relationship and/or had a bad dinner for one experience?

I Heard "I'll Be There For You" By Bon Jovi This Morning . . .

. . . and I immediately thought about slow dancing with a 12-year-old girl dressed like a hooker. Hold on! Before you check my ip address and arrest me, please let me explain.

When I was in the fifth grade, a girl, we'll call her Trixie, moved to our district midway through the school year, and I remember the day she came because her mom walked her in, she looked nervous, and Trixie was dressed like a hooker.* Not your standard hooker, mind you, but like a gypsy hooker - as if Stevie Nix was turning tricks instead of rocking arenas to pay for her coke habit. I'm not saying these clothes were just too slutty for her age because girls today do that a lot with stores like Forever 21. This was far, far worse because they were really cheap looking garbs - the exact types of things hookers wear.

I remember sitting at lunch one day, and the 6th graders at the next table were asking her what her going rate was, the name of her pimp, things like that, and she went to the principal and named names - luckily I wasn't on that list. I wouldn't be surprised if I found myself joining in on teasing like that because I was a bit of a follower in those days, but truth be told, I had a bit of a secret crush on her.

I had a friend at the time who was that boy who all the girls liked. I remember being over at his house playing Nintendo, and the phone would be ringing off the hook with girls, and he would say to me, "Here, talk to this chick. They call all the time. It's so annoying!" Anyway, when this friend admitted that he had a secret crush on Trixie, we all razzed him so bad about it that he never mentioned it again let alone ask her out. I, of course, kept my crush private, but to my credit, I think I was the only one to come to his defense about liking her.

She was pretty, and she had a beauty mark just like Madonna when Madonna was still very young and hot - this was long before Cindy Crawford. Despite being very pretty, between the way too "advanced" clothing and maturing faster physically than the rest of us, she just seemed much older. This is why when I was slow dancing with her to Bon Jovi's "I'll Be There For You," she just felt 3 grades older than me. I remember having good feelings about it, but I had no thoughts of maybe she could be my girlfriend, or maybe she likes me (she liked the kid I mentioned in the last paragraph) - it just felt good.

What do you think about all of this, Seven Readers? Have you ever had a secret crush when you were young? ______________________________________________________________

*I wish I could remember what mom looked like because that might explain her wardrobe choices, but I just can't recall . . .

"I love my dead, gay son . . ."

Okay that subject is a little strange, I'll admit. It's a line delivered in blubbering fashion by the father of a son who was believed to have committed suicide in the movie Heathers. In any event, I wanted a line that captures the simultaneously sad and humorous nature of songs that can make a man cry.

My good friend, Sharat, who is a film maker in L.A., knowing what a disgustingly obsessive fan of rock music I am, asked me to get him some songs to help him get inspired to write. I threw together some songs that make me teary eyed, and I'm going to burn a disc of them to ship out to L.A. Hopefully these songs will get him to the place he needs to get to write. Maybe it can help you too. Of course, if your life sucks as bad as mine does lately, you may not need the assistance of music to get yourself to a sad place. I even wrote up little blurbs about each one for your amusement! Enjoy:

A Spoonful Weighs A Ton 3:32 The Flaming Lips The Soft Bulletin
This song is beautiful. I remember listening to this record a lot during the 9/11 attack and its aftermath. Something about “and though they were sad, they rescued everyone” made me think of the victims, survivors, and rescuers. When those super heavy, bizarre, electronicy drums come crashing in the song kicks into full gear.

Since I've Been Loving You 6:56 Led Zeppelin BBC Sessions (Disc2) [Live]
These guys are member for member one of the most talented rock bands of all time. It’s too bad I grew up with 42 classic rock stations that managed to make me sick of a lot of their songs. This is one you actually don’t hear much on the radio, and this particular live version showcases a lot of the band’s talents. The simultaneous wailings of Robert Plant’s vocals and Jimmy Page’s guitar sound like one bitter, pissed-off, depressed individual.

I Shall Be Released 3:19 The Band Music From Big Pink Rock
This song was originally written and performed by Bob Dylan, but I think the vulnerability of Rick Danko’s vocals makes this sad song even sadder.

Living For The City 7:24 Stevie Wonder Innervisions
When Stevie sings, “Her clothes are old, but never are they dirty” I immediately want to cry. It says to me, here is a family that can barely afford to feed and clothe their children, but they have the sense of pride to take care of things like their clothes so that they are NEVER dirty. Badasss.

Carry The Zero 5:44 Built To Spill Keep It Like A Secret
I don’t know what Doug Martsch is singing about in this song, and I don’t care. There are few songs that can shoot right through me with the first couple of notes, and this song is one of them.

Heavy Heart 3:11 You Am I #4 Album
The guy that wrote this song got his ass DUMPED. It paints the picture of a poor sap lying around his dirty apartment getting more and more lonely and smelly by the day.

Rocket Man (I Think It's Going To Be A Long, Long Time) 4:45 Elton JohnGreatest Hits 1970-2002 (Disc 1)
Is this song really about an astronaut? Well, if so, I feel for this fictional astronaut who is “burning my (his) fuse up here alone.”

Stormy Monday 8:48 The Allman Brothers Band At Fillmore East
Duane Allman died entirely too young. How could a hillbilly, walrus-looking son of a gun like that make such beautiful sounds come out of his guitar?

Size of Your Life 3:08 The Promise Ring Wood/Water
I think this is the world’s greatest break-up CD. A lot of the songs have to do with the songwriter’s battle with cancer, but whatever the case, it’s a very well-written, sad disc.

Lucky 4:19 Radiohead OK
This truly does sound like a man “standing on the edge” of SOMETHING!

This Broken Heart 3:40 Funkadelic Cosmic Slop
I try to sing along with this cat and there’s just no way I can match up with his soulful, gritty vocals. I like the humorous breakdown when he finds all the “Gemini material lying around.” Cosmic Slop is my favorite Funkadelic record. I can’t find many people that agree with me, but I think the songs on it are concise, beautifully written, heartfelt, varied in styles, and they utilize the talents of the numerous people George Clinton called upon, like the guy who put the vocal down for this track. DAMN!!

Love In Vain 4:22 The Rolling Stones Let It Bleed
My parents played a rare Stones record with this song on it, and I remember hearing it a lot at a very young age. At age 7 I had never experienced heartache or pain the likes of which Robert Johnson or even Mick Jagger had ever experienced. All I knew is that I was instantly sad when I heard it, but sad in a way that kind of felt good . . .

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore 4:58 The Smiths Meat is Murder
I’m not sure what it is that Morrissey had seen “happen in other people’s lives” that he was now experiencing in his own, but I gather that it’s not much fun. Great song. Johnny Mar adds a terrific, spine-tingleing guitar riff during the chorus. Just when the song starts to fade out and you think the ride is over, it comes right back in for a big finish.

Fight Song 4:13 The Appleseed Cast Two Conversations
These guys are little too emo’d out, but this song really kicks ass.

Maggot Brain 10:19 Funkadelic Maggot Brain R&B
For a song that is essentially just a guitar solo over a droning keyboard melody, this song is extraordinarily powerful. Before recording this song, George Clinton asked late guitarist Eddie Hazel to picture the saddest thing possible. That thing was the thought of his beloved mother dying. Hey, whatever works right? And it certainly did.