I saw this article on Yahoo News entitled "10 Compliments Men Hate Getting" and thought I would see how I feel about each one.

1. "It's so sweet you want to help me clean up, but I can do it faster myself."

This all depends how lazy I'm feeling that day.  If I would rather watch a ball game or something, I might be okay with her doing it all, but most of the time I don't feel good about letter her clean while I'm chilling.  Am I offended by it?  Not at all.  I'm not that great of a cleaner.

2. "I'm amazed you were able to fix the leaky faucet." 

This wouldn't bother me at all because I would have amazed even myself.

3. "I fold the laundry this way, but thanks for trying without me asking." 

Now this one wouldn't offend me, but it sounds like something a crazy control freak might say, so watch out for this one.  

4. " You're the only person I can talk to." 

These are starting to get into crazy town territory.  If she can't talk to anyone else, it might be because she's an insufferable pain in the ass and you have to put up with her, so don't take that one as a compliment.  

5. "You're so cute!"

This one depends on the context.  Cute can be demeaning if it kind of implies stupid, but usually I'm okay with cute.  

6. "This gift isn't quite my taste, but it's the thought that counts." 

Don't be offended by that.  What do you want her to do?  Pretend she likes it?  You have to be honest with each other - in a nice way.  

7. "It's like you're my third child but I love you anyway." 

This one is hilarious.  Who wouldn't be offended by that?  Yeah, and it's like you're my mommy, so fuck off, mom.  

8. "My husband did the most romantic thing ever." 

I had to read the explanation for this one, and it said that some men will feel "whipped" if their friends hear about stuff like this or they will get mad because now they will feel they have to step up their romantic gestures with their own significant others, neither of which makes sense to me.  Got ahead and tell people nice stuff I did for you - doesn't bother me at all.

9. "I love your tummy flab!" 

Now this one might not offend me, but I would know she was lying.  

10. "You're the best I've ever had." 

The writers said that this just makes a guy think about all the others guys, and yeah, maybe so, but it makes you think about all the other guys being crappier at sex than you, so that's okay, right?  

Sushi for One Is Like . . . The Wind

I was wore out after a long work day, and all I wanted to do was park the car, get something to eat, and pass out.  I didn't want to wait for something to be delivered, so I went to the sushi place across the street from my apartment and got a table for one.  That is fine with me.  I don't care that there are a few couples in there, a couple of ladies together drinking wine, and then a table of newly 21-year-olds talking about buying beer.  That's fine.  I'm a grown-ass man and can eat by myself.

Then suddenly, when moments ago I didn't even take notice what songs were playing, I hear the first few notes of "She's Like the Wind" by Patrick Swayze, and now it feels really awkward being alone.  What a terrible, awful, melodramatic song, and with no one to laugh at it with, it just made me feel pathetic there alone, swirling my wasabi and soy in a lonely pattern.



Then it got worse.  They played "Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, a song that my long distance girlfriend, who is right now a long distance away, have sang a bunch of times in numerous karaoke bars all across Chicago.  I know it's kind of a corny song, but it's also a pretty good one; and when it means something to you, the lyrics are suddenly profound.  Like the two in the song, I wanted to call her up to tell her I love her and to come back home.  I had to settle up the bill and get the hell out of there before I started crying into my sushi, blaming it on the ginger.

We had all summer together, and when she is done with these last 3 quarters of school, we'll be back together for good, but it is just hard on nights like this.  I just need other strategies besides Kid Rock's drink her away formula . . . .



How about you guys?  You ever been in a long-distance relationship and/or had a bad dinner for one experience?

When the Ring Card Girl Starts Kicking, Who Holds the Cards?

The very hot ring card girl for the UFC, Arianny Celeste, was arrested for domestic violence after kicking her boyfriend in the face with her high heeled shoe.  Apparently, while in a limousine, the two got into a fight over some text messages her boyfriend, Praveen Chandra, had sent to other women, prompting the face kick.  The argument continued back at their hotel room where Celeste contends he choked her and Chandra says she threw two vases at him.

What I don't get about couples like this is how after a night like this they could ever want to work things out.  Once I have been kicked directly in the face by a girl in a high heeled shoe, even if she looks like Arianny Celeste, we're done.  There is no rational explanation for that, and if I choke you, I should be dumped too - and arrested.

Arianny, leave the kicking to the professionals - you just carry the cards and keep looking good in your undies, and if this guy wants to choke women, maybe get one of your fighter friends to perform a proper choke on him. 

I'm Not Rob Anymore!

I have been putting off a lot of things because I'm moving in a couple weeks.  I'm not buying a lot of groceries and I'm not ordering anything to this apartment, which means I haven't ordered a new book to read.  A friend was over and gave me back my copy of "High Fidelity" by Nick Honrny, and while I am not even sure it is, in fact, my copy, I decided to give it another read. 

It's still a very funny and insightful book, but I can't fully relate to Rob, the protagonist, anymore.  There was a time, not long after I read it, where I was him, and most people who knew me would agree.  I was way too interested in rock music to a snobbish degree, I actually worked in a record store for a long time, and I got miserable over failed relationships and played sad songs until I cried.

I'm not that guy anymore.  I'm not Rob!

Even the last relationship I got out of, I was really hurt (even if it was painfully obvious to everyone around me that it was the wrong woman for me), but I bounced back beautifully.  I took all the right steps: Never called her again, cut off all mutual friends, work out like an animal, and got right back into the game with other women to feel good again as quickly as possible.

What I did 5 years prior was more like what Rob would have done: Wallow in self pitty spinning Smiths records, keep trying to figure out what went wrong, feel inadequate about myself in every way imaginable, and let it affect my personal and professional life to a marked degree.

Now look at me.  I'm getting my own place with the woman I love, leaving this frat house with the four roommates behind, I love my job and it's going great, I'm staying in shape - and at 35-years-old (the same age as Rob in the book), I'm finally an adult.  I should have been this guy when I was 27, but I have no regrets.  I grew up one way or another and I've had this blog full of goofy tales to mark my progress, albeit a slow process.  Thanks for reading those of you who have been along for the ride, and expect more grown-up style writing to come and some goofy stuff too  . . . I still gotta be me!

LSD, my girlfriend, and I have reached a very important part of our relationship where I feel comfortable asking her the following extremely pivotal question:

"Hey, babe. Is this a whopper zit on the back of my ear? I have no way of seeing it."