So, all I had to do today was buy flip-flops . . .

. . . and that's all I really accomplished, so it's what I'm going to write about.

See if you can tell me what's strange about this conversation when I was ringing up my two pairs of thongs. I still call them thongs sometimes . . .

Cashier: You find everything okay, brau?
Ken: Yessir.
Cashier: Okay, cash or credit?
Ken: Credit (hands him his card)
Cashier: Your name, bro?
Ken: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
Cashier: And address, bro?
Ken: 6969 W. Riveredge Road.
Cashier: And phone number, brau?
Ken: 555-8309
Cashier: Okay, just sign right here, bro.
Ken: There you go
Cahier: Okay, need a bag?
Ken: Nah.
Cahier: Okay, have a good one, bro.

And if you said the funny thing about this exchange, besides the goofy address and phone number and how much information he requested, was that he called me bro 4 times and brau 2 times, you win! He dealt me a full house, bro's over brau's, plus an extra bro for good measure!

Now, did he think that it was okay to call me that because I'm youngish looking, had on a Motley Crue shirt and my hair was still messy from coming home from my lady-friend's? Or does his company, which sounds a little like Bird of Prey from the United States (good selection of thongs!) trains him to call people brau and the like?

Here's another question, which term do you hate being called the most:

Guy
Chief
Captain
Boss
Partner
Big fella
Big homey
Lil' homey
My man
Dude
Toots
Sugar
Sugar-tits
Sweetheart
Ma'am (Makes women feel old)
Sweets
Honey
Babe
Baby
Sugar (This one is okay if it's used by a waitress with an old fashioned bea hive hairdo)

Any others you would like to add?

"Well, Actually . . ."

I once knew this guy a long, long time ago who could launch into a lecture at a drop of a hat. Recently, HLP (Heterosexual Life Partner) and myself got talking about this guy, and another friend of mine said, "Yeah, he's a real well, actually type of guy." That's exactly it! He can well, actually the shit out of whatever you say to him. There are so many speeches that could be avoided by just a quick anecdote, and he doesn't even come up for air to give you that window to divert the subject away - and what good would that do because he's only going to hit you with a discourse around the next turn?

Ugh!

In any event, thanks, buddy for nailing the perfect nickname for him.

How about you, Seven Readers? Do you know anyone like this, or do you know any other good nicknames for someone similar or all together different? Well, actually, I knew a guy when I was a little kid who told such fantastical stories that we called him Teddy Ruxpin, the story-telling bear . . .

"The Mouth of the South"

When kids at my work have a big mouth, I like to call them "The Mouth of the South." Now, they have no idea that this is in reference to the 1980's professional wrestling manager, Jimmy Hart. Nor do they have any idea that he carried a megaphone and managed folks the likes of Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, The HonkyTonk Man, and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine.

I want to be a professional wrestling manager in the worst way. I figure I don't have a big enough physique to compete, but I do have a big enough mouth to be an extremely annoying manager, meddling in the affairs of the match, distracting referees, and sneaking folding chairs into the ring when no one is looking. This might be my calling. That and giving kids at my work funny nicknames . . .

Crappy Nicknames

I was watching some UFC tonight, and there is a guy with the nickname "The Philipine Wrecking Machine", which I thought was bad. However, far worse was a fighter in the main event with a nickname of "The Janitor."

My favorite nicknames?

Those would be . . .

Keith "The Dean of Mean" Jardine

Brett "The Angry Hick" Bergmark

Yoshihiro "Sexyama" Akiyama

Jens "Lil' Evil" Pulver

"The Axe Murderer" and "The American Psycho," who I really think should fight one another in a fight called "The Blood Bath."