Tonight Crom and I got together to go over future creative projects, but mostly we just drank beers and caught up.  We decided to cut a podcast while we were at it with the topic being the top 3 Jason kills from "Friday the 13th" movies, since it is Friday the 13th today.  Turns out Jason killed people in lots of fun and creative ways.

Then we went across the street for dollar bottles and live band karaoke.  Let me tell you right now, you cannot find anything near that good of a deal in Lincoln Park in Chicago.  He and I threw down the first two songs of the nght.  He did "Crazy Train" and I did "White Wedding."  Suffice it to say, if you have ever done live band karaoke with a kick ass band behind you, making you fee like a rock god, you will never go back to the little monitor with the bouncy ball, making you feel like a drunk Korean business man.

We then went to visit my girlfriend, L.S.D., at the bar she works at, where Crom told me that he has purchased a wedding ring.  I'm really happy for him.  He's a really good dude and will be a terrific family man.

So then I had to get a late night bite to eat back in Lincoln Park, so I got a chorizo burrito at a local burrito joint.  Why do people order anything but chorizo?  Maybe it's the funny colored grease turning them off because it is without a doubt the most bomb-ass option.  In the booth next to me sat a coked out Asian Indian man with long hair, a beer belly, and a shark tooth necklace, and he was ordering up a coke deal.  I've never been into that scene, but I guess I always assumed there was code for things like that.  Nope.  This guy was just loudly bellowing into his phone while housing a pair of tacos: "I need money tonight.  I went in on this 8 ball and then everyone flaked.  These girls are expecting to have it.  What phone is this?  Call me in 5 minutes.  Meet me on the corner of (Dr. Ken's Street0 and (Dr. Ken's Cross Street)."

Unfortunately when I got to the coordinates of my home, there was no awesome drug deal going on, so I just came inside and wrote this shitty blog.

"Fuck Pilsen!"

So, last night I went to see a band called Maritime at The Empty Bottle, and after many a 312 beer, we went to get burritos at The Burrito House. When we walk in, there are people milling around talking to the staff so I asked if they were ordering. They were not, but somehow a heavyset girl in a full soccer outfit felt a need to tell me that the quite beyond heavyset middle aged man with a beard and a sport coat they were with was a Pulitzer Prize winner. I didn't ask if he was, but, hey, that's great. When I'm a famous writer, I will demand that a chick in sports apparel talks me up to everyone within earshot, especially when I'm dining at 2 in the morning.

At first, when I heard how opinionated and annoying this fellow was, I suggested we sit as far away from him as we could, but the more I overheard, I just had to hear more awfulness! He was spouting off things like "Fuck Pilsen!" Pilsen is a neighborhood in Chicago. We never heard the meat of his arguments because we were laughing too hard and quoting lines from "Billy Madison" because he looked just like Principal Anderson, or The Revolting Blob, if you prefer his professional wrestling name.

The guy a table over from The Revolting Blob was sleeping. When we woke him up, he said, in a British accent "Yes, I need to make a left on Paulina." He was out of it. Probably got mugged later.

Then there were two guys perched at the counter, chatting up customers, and it appears as if they had come to the Burrito House to meet women. It's an interesting thought because women at that hour are perhaps drunk and desperate, but at that point they have chosen their stomachs over their vaginas, so it seems like getting to them a hair too late, no?

The thing about Big Business, is he makes me laugh constantly

when I'm around him. This morning my roommate told me that I woke her up when I got home because I was still laughing, and I continued to laugh intermittently through out the next day. I got a text from him this morning that read, "I wanted to explore that soccer girl. I bet her trench smelled like the floor of The Metro after a Pumpkins show." Trench! Okay, he's gross sometimes, but he's literally the funniest guy I know. So, if you want to honor him in your own way, order a Bizznizz Rocks (Vanilla Stoli and Diet Coke), and if you want to do me a favor, follow me around hanging on my every word and tell randoms about the Pulitzer I deserve for writing a shitty blog.

Burritos

So, what makes a good burrito and what makes a shit one because good ones need to be a little bit shitty to be any good. After all, when you get one from Chipotle, it's always nice and quick and clean, but that rice sucks up all the grease, and can you really have a good 'rito when the grease doesn't soak through the bag, making an awesome grease stain?

Another qualification is they have to have Jarritos, the Mexican soda, preferably Lemon Lime if they got it. Furthermore, they need to have tongue on the menu. I don't want to actually order it. Fuck no! Can you imagine actually eating some disgusting cow's tongue? Putting the inside of a cow's mouth into your own mouth? No! That sounds like the worst thing ever, but they need to have it as an option to give it that street cred.

Also, it's bullshit if they have things like hot dogs and cheese fries on the menu. Don't try to cater to us Gringos and our horrible taste. We're idiots! Haven't you learned that in your tenure in our shitty country?

So, have some grease, but not too much, and throw some Mexican soda our way, don't have any bullshit like cheese fries on the menu, and I want some tongue on the menu - but I don't want to eat that disgusting shit. Then again, if I'm drunk enough, I really don't care about any of this; just fill my belly so I'm not so damn hungover in the morning.