So, what makes a good burrito and what makes a shit one because good ones need to be a little bit shitty to be any good. After all, when you get one from Chipotle, it's always nice and quick and clean, but that rice sucks up all the grease, and can you really have a good 'rito when the grease doesn't soak through the bag, making an awesome grease stain? Another qualification is they have to have Jarritos, the Mexican soda, preferably Lemon Lime if they got it. Furthermore, they need to have tongue on the menu. I don't want to actually order it. Fuck no! Can you imagine actually eating some disgusting cow's tongue? Putting the inside of a cow's mouth into your own mouth? No! That sounds like the worst thing ever, but they need to have it as an option to give it that street cred.
Also, it's bullshit if they have things like hot dogs and cheese fries on the menu. Don't try to cater to us Gringos and our horrible taste. We're idiots! Haven't you learned that in your tenure in our shitty country?
So, have some grease, but not too much, and throw some Mexican soda our way, don't have any bullshit like cheese fries on the menu, and I want some tongue on the menu - but I don't want to eat that disgusting shit. Then again, if I'm drunk enough, I really don't care about any of this; just fill my belly so I'm not so damn hungover in the morning.
