Random, Random, Random Updates

1. So we were thinking of being the X-Men for Halloween as a family. I'm going as Gambit because I think he is just such a cool character who was never represented well in the films. The wife is going to be Storm. She and I are just going to piece together our outfits with thrift store stuff. Erik (who will be 4-years-old next month) is going to be Wolverine - probably will have to spring for a costume. And do you know what Erik said? "Do you know what would be funny? Desi (our 1-year-old) can be Professor X!" It's actually a great idea. We can push him in the stroller when we trick-or-treat and make the stroller look like a wheelchair with big X's for wheels, put him in a suit, and he's already pretty much bald. It's going to be great. If there is trick-or-Covid-treat. 

2. This upcoming weekend we are going to stay at a hotel with a swimming pool for a little "staycation." We got two adjoining rooms so that hopefully we can put the kids to bed and enjoy a little alone time. That's wishful thinking, so we will see. 

3. I finally got my used mountain bike working and will test it out on some trails this weekend with my good friends Choo Choo Train and Night Train.

4. Today I took Erik to school with the jogging stroller for about a 1.2 mile run, and then did another 3 or so miles or so, pushing an empty stroller for a grand total of 4.38 miles. But then I was able to push it around the grocery store and carry groceries in it, so it felt worth having it. When I went to pick him up I walked the jogging stroller up there with his scooter and helmet in it, and we walked all the way to the library and back home, logging in another 3.72 mile walk for me. My feet are killing me now, so no running tomorrow. 

5. One of my fantasy football leagues has a professional wrestling theme this season. This is a dream come true for me, but I'm a little disappointed in myself for not coming up with a good team name. So far my finalists are The Diamond Dallas Cowboys or The Dog Faced Gremlins. I'm not in love with either. Help me out if you can!

That's all I got, friends. Hope all is well with all of you. Hit me with a random, random, random update in the comments. 

Darling Vicki

I was briefly dating someone a few weeks ago, before doing the classic, classless Dr. Ken phase out, and at the time, I was helping her brainstorm for costumes. I actually think I nailed the perfect getup for her. Because she is about 5'1", and she sort of looks like a little girl in that regard, I thought she should dress up as Vicki the suburban robot girl built by her father, disguised as a regular girl, despite talking just like a robot, from the God awful 1980's sitcom, "Small Wonder." Only here is the twist: a slutty version, since that is the common twist in Chicago and probably everywhere else.

I thought that Darling Vicki would be the perfect name for this costume since Prince had a song in the 80's called "Darling Nicki" that got on Tipper Gore and her Parent Music Resource Center's list for dirtiest songs, probably because Prince's Nikki was known to "grind" and masturbate to magazines.

So, the outfit would essentially be the red and white plaid Bob Evans dress, only cut down in slutty places, and then a panel in the back where you can open her up and fiddle with her robot parts.

I guess since the subjects of this costume are both very 1980's, it's not very topical in this day and age. I suppose that's why I'm also the type of guy to dress as Johnny Lawrence, the bad guy from Karate Kid, portrayed by William Zabka, the a-hole in just about every movie back then. However, not only do I have a pimped out Cobra Kai gee to wear, but I'm going to grow my naturally blond hair out in the next couple weeks so I can have that piss poor feathered look. I'm not likely to be very attractive in the 2000's with that kind of hair, but it's just too funny not to try to pull that look off.

What are you going to be for Halloween, Seven Readers, or do you have some good ideas to throw out there to the community (of seven readers)?

I'm taking a sick day, and while searching for Halloween costume ideas, I came across this photo.


Is anyone else really disturbed by this?

Also, can anyone think of a good costume idea for your old friend, Dr. Ken?

Costumes for the Ages . . .

I thought of a great Halloween costume today. Doesn’t it always seem like you come up with a great idea when it’s like a year away from Halloween, but during the months leading up to October 31st, you rule out everything and end up cutting holes in a sheet and going as a half-assed ghost or something? You know, I totally forgot what my Halloween costume idea was. I’m destined to have a last second shitty one again.

The notion of costumes got me thinking about some of the best costumes I’ve ever seen.

Best costume I saw this year goes to a girl dressed up as a Contestant on the TV show Double Dare. I saw this young lady at Carol’s Pub, one of my favorite late night bars in Chicago, and she said to me, “Would you like to do a physical challenge.” When a girl says something like that to you the perverted lines you could throw back at her should be endless, but I think in my state I settled for, “Sure.” Not creative, but it was the right answer because she proceeded to pour a shot into the shot glass strapped to her helmut and bent over to pour it in my mouth. What a fun chick, right?

Last year’s best costume I saw was a guy dressed up as Teen Wolf, but not just Teen Wolf, the Teen Wolf from the Basketball Sequence. Very well done. I would have liked to have discussed the beauty of that movie with him but we were walking past each other right by Wrigley Field. I would have liked to have thrown on a fat suit and a bball uniform and went as the Fat Kid from Teen Wolf. The two of us could have had one hell of an evening “car surfing” and the like. The car surfing scene was in Teen Wolf, and not its ill fated sequel, Teen Wolf Two, starring TV’s Justin Bateman, right? I’m too lazy to look it up.

And now for my best all time costumes:

This year I went as Jay from Jay and Silent Bob. My Silent Bob backed out on me at the last minute, but I actually went as Jay and Silent Bob in college when I had long hair, and I had a Silent Bob with me that evening. We almost won a costume contest, but it was a popularity contest, and we didn’t roll into the bar 30 frat brothers strong like the clowns that won.

The year before I went as a Piece of White Trash. I had on some acid washed jeans, an AC/DC shirt (that has worked its way into my regular rotation), a mullet wig, and fake bad teeth. I learned a valuabe lesson that year: DON’T EVER MAKE YOURSELF LESS ATTRACTIVE ON HALLOWEEN. Girls seem to know this. They always go as something sexy, and God bless them for that. Why I thought to go as trailor trash I’ll never know. I mean these fake teeth were so bad that they changed my entire facial structure and made me look like a whole different person. I might have been okay if I had simply altered my costume, but I thought it would be a good idea to stay in character when girls politely asked me to take the disgusting teeth out. Like I said, I learned a valuable lesson.

My ALL TIME GREATEST COSTUME was when I went as Rick Allen from Def Leppard, fresh off the accident. I had a Def Leppard shirt, a bandana on my head, drumsticks in my pocket, the drummer gloves (as if he would have been driving around with that stuff), and I stuffed my arm in my shirt and had fake blood and gummy worms coming out of my stump to look like veins. (Clap, clap, clap …. Bravo!!!!)