(Notice the lack of wiping? Maybe all he was going to take if he broke in was some toilet paper . . .)
Mrs. Noisewater found the video on some guy's blog (not mine). My landlord is a part time cop and has cameras everywhere, so he posted this video up on a crime watch site. It quickly went viral. Suddenly the Chicago Police Department wanted to find this guy. Turns out he lives in Elgin, Illinois, and although CPD couldn't locate him, my landlord made a few calls and he was brought in. Turns out that because of his now famous "shitty" break in attempt video, he was identified by someone else a few blocks down who chased him out of his apartment that poopy-pants broke into weeks earlier. Evidently this guy comes out to the city for concerts, gets horribly drunk and full of crack, and starts breaking into apartments.
You want to know what's really weird? We had a big BBQ in the very courtyard pictured in that video. I remember that white bucket next to me while I was manning the grill. When I left for work this morning, I noticed the bucket was gone. No sense in washing that one out once someone has taken a crack-dump in it, right?
Because I'm such a clever pain in the ass, I wrote a little joke in the memo section. My landlord is a good dude, so I think he will appreciate it. It read: