Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Below is a video of a crack head going poo in a bucket in my backyard and trying to break into my landlord's house.


(Notice the lack of wiping? Maybe all he was going to take if he broke in was some toilet paper . . .)

Mrs. Noisewater found the video on some guy's blog (not mine).  My landlord is a part time cop and has cameras everywhere, so he posted this video up on a crime watch site.  It quickly went viral.  Suddenly the Chicago Police Department wanted to find this guy.  Turns out he lives in Elgin, Illinois, and although CPD couldn't locate him, my landlord made a few calls and he was brought in.  Turns out that because of his now famous "shitty" break in attempt video, he was identified by someone else a few blocks down who chased him out of his apartment that poopy-pants broke into weeks earlier.  Evidently this guy comes out to the city for concerts, gets horribly drunk and full of crack, and starts breaking into apartments.

You want to know what's really weird?  We had a big BBQ in the very courtyard pictured in that video.  I remember that white bucket next to me while I was manning the grill.  When I left for work this morning, I noticed the bucket was gone.  No sense in washing that one out once someone has taken a crack-dump in it, right?

Because I'm such a clever pain in the ass, I wrote a little joke in the memo section.  My landlord is a good dude, so I think he will appreciate it.  It read:

#oneguyonebucket.com

7 comments:

billy pilgrim said...

the older a guy gets, the more he appreciates taking a good dump.

Jimmy Fungus said...

Your landlord probably saved the doody bucket for DNA evidence. If there is any justice, this video will haunt this crack-smoking doofus with diarrhea for the rest of his life.

Mr. Shife said...

Well it looks like I found some more pooping options for Kyle when we visit Chicago. The little man has had to shit in a farmer's field and under several overpasses because we in the middle of BFE and he had to poop. When a 5-year-old boy tells you that he has to poop you have about 1 minute before it's too late. Good friction' times.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Billy: I'm not sure I would call that one a "good" dump.

Jimmy: I wonder if crack gives you the runs . . .

Shifey: Kyle is welcome to do some outdoor urban pooping if you boys come out here, but the bucket won't work because it looks like my landlord threw it out.

Gorilla Bananas said...

So has the guy been charged with a crime? I'd rather he were transported to the Alaskan wilderness that put in jail. Let him learn to shit as the moose do.

b.burjan said...

wow. that is some of the lamest kicking by a crackhead that i have ever seen. i wonder what kind of music he's into?

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: Yeah. He got busted. Hope he stays in jail for a while. Just throw him in a cell with a bucket. For life.

Burjan: Yeah, pathetic high attempt at break in. And as for his music taste, I was wondering the same thing! Isn't it stupid that I gave a damn about that when there are crack heads on the loose pooping and breaking and entering?