A Solid Trip

LSD* gave me a surprise birthday gift of tickets to a basketball game at the University of Illinois, so we took a train from Chicago to Champaign, Illinois yesterday.  The ride there was fine, the game was super because the Illini won, but then the trip home was a little interesting.  There was an older Black woman with her two grandsons sitting by us, and these two rapscallions ran up and down the aisles making noise for the duration of the journey.  When they were sitting down, they watched a loud movie on a computer with constant laser noises.  What was crazy is that there was another family with a couple of kids in the back of the train car who were actually more poorly behaved than the little fellas by us.   At one point one boy from each faction of boys had a high speed collision with one another in the aisle.  It was bound to happen.

The two kids by us were pretty cute, actually, and one was named Darnell.  I know his name because I heard grandma say it a lot when he was acting up.  She also made a lot of empty threats such as "Darnell, I wish you would get out of your seat again," and then she would do nothing when Darnell would stand up to go for another run.  One conductor gave them tickets as keepsakes so Darnell hugged him.  These little guys were really excited to be on a train, and they talked loudly the entire trip.   Whenever Darnell ran out of things to say, he would sing "Solid" by Ashford and Simpson.  I must really love kids because even though I was trying to sleep, I would laugh every single time he would launch into this 80's soul jam.



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*My girlfriend

More Lessons from The Hood: Wet and Soul Train

As some of you may know, Tuesday is when I work in Chicago's West Side, and I always come away with a funny story or a bit of knowledge; Today I got both.

1. A student asked me if I was dry. I had no idea what he meant by this, and other students informed me that to be dry meant to "not be getting any from any females." So, if your skin is dry, that means you're ashy, and if you couldn't get laid in a morgue, you are dry as hell. Make sense? I didn't tell them that I only get "wet" once a month when I see my out-of-town girlfriend. It didn't seem like something those boys needed to know.

2. Mr. Green, the principal at the school for bad kids, said that one teacher was sending so many kids out of his class and down to the office that it was like the "Soul Train" line of dancers down the hallway. I asked him if he felt like Don Cornelius up in there. Actually, Don Cornelius is a product of Chicago Public Schools. No lie.



3. One girl told me that she doesn't like the drama created from hanging out with girls. So, she said "That's why I like to be hangin' out with niggas." By that she meant males. Something was just funny about her saying that to just about the whitest guy in America.