Lan's Old Town

I went to Lan's Old Town for the first time on Friday night.  It is a bring your own alcohol Chinese restaurant and karaoke bar in Chicago that is famous for its' drunken owner and host, Jimmy Ma.  My good friend Choo Choo Train is a regular there, and he recommended we bring Jimmy a bottle of Jack. Jimmy was out front having a cigarette when we arrived, and he was already plastered.  He was pleased to see that we brought him a bottle, and he proceeded to crack the seal, take a swig out of it, got me in a head lock even though I have never met him, and then put his cigarette out.  With his tongue!!!

This is actually a picture of Jimmy!

 The customers all interact with one another, have a seat at each others tables to introduce themselves and share their booze with you.  There were tons of good looking girls in there that night, but it still wasn't enough for Jimmy's taste, and he kept asking us in his thick Chinese accent, "You going to bring some pussy in here, or what?"  Jimmy pretty much lives the dream and does whatever the hell he wants and people love him for it.  For example, he grabbed a beautiful blond girl who looked to be 30 years younger than him and just started making out with her, and she just thought it was hilarious.  Only Jimmy could pull off a move like that.

I know I will be back very, very soon, and I recommend you, my seven readers, give it a try too.  I do not, however, recommend putting cigarettes out on your tongue.

I was at a karaoke bar with a bunch of friends the other night, and I noticed a guy I remembered seeing the last time I was there so he is likely always there.  He looked to be in his upper 40's, had pro wresting hair (bald on top and long in the back), and he just hung out drinking Coors Lights and keeping the DJ company all night, off and on singing a song, usually by the Eagles.

At one point the DJ called for a guy to sing who was nowhere to be found, and my buddy, Choo Choo Train, said "That's karaoke abandonment!"  It was.  And that is high crime where Choo Choo and I come from . . .

After last call, wrestling hair guy went up to sing the last song of the evening, "Faithfully" by Journey.  Now, this is a rather cornball song, but on this particular evening it was the perfect one to play.  I remember playing that song on my sister's CD player because I didn't have one yet, reading along with the lyrics, and wondering how a little weasel like Steve Perry could sing like that.  The whole bar must have some fond memories because they were all singing along arm-in-arm, swaying back-and-forth the way drunks often do.  This particular song also hit me hard because as Steve sang about being apart not being easy on his love affair, I was reminded of the fact that I have been doing the long distance relationship thing for the last 2 years, still seeing each other around once a month, but with just 2 months to go until we're together for good, it's harder than ever.

Thanks for listening and for "stand (ing) by me" all these years, 7 Readers.

And now, an 8-year-old Filipino girl absolutely crushing "Faithfully" by Journey.

I'm MC'ing my buddy Choo-Choo's karaoke birthday party at a bar around the corner, and I'm oddly excited about it.  People often ask me to do stuff like this, so I guess I'm just good at being a great big loudmouth.  The key to this one is just doing the nudey bar DJ voice all night long, "All right, give it up for Lace on the main stage!"  It works for all kinds of events, garage sales, church bingo . . .

To be honest, Choo-Choo is a quality human being and I'm glad I know him so anything I can do to help is not a problem.  Also, it is customary for the karaoke DJ to sing the first song when no one has signed up yet.  I'll sing whichever one I like the best out of the comments submitted by you all, my beloved 7 readers.

This video is what it's all about.  She passes out in the middle of her "performance."

Sit Down "Indian Style" on the Carpet, Seven Readers . . .

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I went to a lesbian bar last night with my friend Syd and a pair of lesbian friends, and those little ladies really party hard, on a damn Sunday, no less. It was karaoke night, and after racking my brain for who the MC looked like, I started laughing my ass off at the realization that with the horrible stringy 80's hair, she looked just like Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. Then I was bummed because nobody around me remembered "The Hammer," or his figure four leg lock, for that matter.

Not only do the "Lez B. Friends" seem to drink a lot on The Sabbath, but they also make out with each other for long stretches of time, which is okay with me. Even when they're not great looking, they're still a couple of girls kissing, and girls are just better and prettier kissers.

After that, Syd, the two lesbian friends, and myself went to the titty bar. Yes, on a Sunday because we had the day off on Monday. The next post will be about the nudey bar adventures, and plan on coming by to read it because it's going to be epic, like my hey day blogging.

What is your go-to karaoke song?

I usually would go with "Cold As Ice" by Foreigner, but I got really sick of it.

Last night, a coworker and myself fricking KILLED "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong" by Joe Cocker and whoever that chick was. Tonight I think I'm going to try "Suffragette City" by Bowie. The birthday girl, a friend of one of Dr. Ken's "special lady friends," is planning on doing Neil Young's "Rockin' in the Free World."

Which song do you hate to hear people do?

This one is a tie between anything from "Grease" and "Bohemian Rhapsody." The latter is a song I rather like, but not when people try to sing it because A) It's really long B) They usually do it crappy, and C) There are like 15 Freddy Mercury's layered on that track, so how in the hell do they think they can pull it off? Downright irritating.