Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Tearing Down The Gancer's Wall, Brick By Brick

I've been blown away by how open I've been with the new Special Lady Friend. Granted, I still won't let her read the blog, which is causing some tension, but we have a very open dialog, which I'm not used to. When it comes to expressing our feelings, I come from a family of bottlers, with the exception of my sister, who, with her outbursts and outpouring of emotions, would be more appropriately likened to a fishnet. Because of my upbringing, and unwillingness to change in relationships, when something pisses me off, I just talk about it with my friends, you people, my butcher, or anyone who isn't the girl. Then I just let it fester until I up and leave one day. This SLF doesn't let me do that, and, thus far, I don't resent her for helping me to change for the better.

So, the other day she relays to me that during some downtime at work she was telling her coworkers that she can't find anything wrong with me*, except that I sing in the morning when she's either still sleeping or awake but crabby. This led one of her cohorts, a bright one in my estimation, to say, "Well, doesn't that mean that he's more than likely happy waking up with you?" Good point, sir. I told her I'd work on it, which I will, but it will be tough, in the shower especially. I have a song on my head at all times, sometimes just one lyric or phrase.**

She then asked if there's anything she does that bothers me. This was a great opportunity to bring up something that had been bothering the shit out of me for the last two months. I said, "SLF, you use the world obsess too much. You can't possibly be obsessed with 14 things in a given week, or you'd drive yourself mad. Perhaps it's too strong of a word for all of these circumstances?" To this she just smiled and said she too would work on it. I thought she'd be super pissed or at the very least a little hurt, but perhaps she's not as harsh a critic of herself as I, especially when it comes to vocabulary and word usage.

Are there other things that bother me, sure, but they're minor. However, they'd be major if I weren't diggin' so much. For example, we're sitting in my kitchen one day, and she's looking at my Pink Floyd Back Catalog poster***, and the following conversation transpired:

SLF: Why do you have those naked ladies in your kitchen?
Gancer: Well, don't you recognize any of the pictures on their backs?
SLF: No, should I?
Gancer: (Flabbergasted, but restrained) Well, how about the one with the triangle?
SLF: Nope.
Gancer (In his head thinking, "Holy hell!, but instead, he says) Well, that would be an album by a British, psychedelic group, and it stayed on the USA, Billboard Top 200 for 741 weeks, which comes out to roughly 14 years . . .
SLF: Yeah, no idea.

And you know, it really didn't bother me that much. Then the other day I'm telling her how there's a pretty good possibility a website will be paying me to drive out to Lafayette, Indiana to interview Izzy Stradlin, the underrated, down-to-earth guitar player and songwriter of the seminal rock group Guns N' Roses. She said how happy she was for me, because she knew how big a band they were, despite the fact that SHE DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THEIR SONGS. Excuse me? I named a couple, and turns out she did, but wow. Again, doesn't bother me. All I ask is that she humor me when I throw out a quick rock anecdote, and I do try to make them quick. She does this.

Things are going well. She's got this smile too, and it seems to me that it reminds of childhood memories where everything was as fresh as bright, blue sky . . .

Now, I wouldn't be mad at her for not knowing that lyric, but I would be mad at you, reader, cause you're not sleeping with me. Now it's time to share: Have you ever had an exchange like this, where you calmly tell each other what quirk or habit bothers the shit out of one another? How did it go?

*I, of course, don't believe this minor infraction to be the only thing that bothers her.
**For a few days it was the first verse of Across the Sea by Weezer. I love songwriters who write very odd vocal melodies, and I think it's cute how he uses broken English to sing the praises of his biggest fan in Japan.
***Don't think I'm oblivious to the fact that I'm far too old to have a 'Floyd poster in my kitchen.

40 comments:

So@24 said...

That poster was in 1/3 of all the rooms at my college. It's a classic.

Be proud of it!

Bill From Gainesville said...

I love the Asterik.... Its like if Chuck Klosterman had a blog... and I mean that ... I am a fan of Chuck Klosterman and now I am a fan of The Gancer also...

Grad School Reject said...

Whooooa, Whoa-o-ohh-Sweet Child 'O-mine!!!

My wife has no clue what half of the music I listen to is all about. When I busted out some random lyrics from "Stranglehold" and "Wango Tango" back when we first started dating she looked at me like I had two head. The "Motor City Mad-man" clue didn't help her either. And yet - we still ended up married.

thisdayandage said...

I'm surprised she didn't recognize at least the triangle...I'm considerably younger and I'm not sleeping with you and I knew...

and I haven't done that with a significant other...we've just kind of hinted at each other, taken the more passive-aggressive approach. probably why things never work out?

Kadonkadonk said...

You are going to be SO whipped.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Couple things:
1. I love Izzy. If it comes up in conversation, get either a photo or autograph.
2. It may be time to take down the naked lady Pink Foyd poster. I'm just sayin'.
3. If she doesn't know Floyd or GnR, what kind of music does she listen to?
4. I've never had to have that conversation, as I am Perfect.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

24: I am proud to be the biggest Floyd fan alive, darn it!

Bill: Very nice of you to say that, Bill, but I'm no Chuck Klosterman. But, thank you!

GSR: You are a fan of The Nuge? Awesome . . .

Thisday: I recommend it, seriously.

Donk: No way, dude! I think I have the upper hand so far. I think . . .

Cherry:
1. I'll do my damndest.
2. There are a lot of things about this place that scream, "Grow up, you dork!"
3. She likes country. New, bad country. But, she listens to the discs I burn her, and she likes them.
4. That's true. I love you just the way you are. Proper!!

zen wizard said...

I hate to bring this up, but that, "There is something I need to tell you about. It's Behavior X. I wish you would stop or reduce Behavior X...Now, is there anything that I am doing that you would like to tell ME about?" is standard advice that a psychotherapist--especially one specializing in relationships or marriage counseling--tells you to employ.

There's nothing wrong with going to or having gone to a psychotherapist, I would just say that it's a 65% chance she did not think of this on her own and that's where she got it.

Anyway, you appear to be off of your, "She must share my taste in music"-thing, which quite frankly I thought was kind of bizarre, so congratulations on that and I hope this relationship works out!

I used to take my ex-girlfriend to Moroccan restaurants a lot. Finally, I asked her if she liked the Moroccan restaurants.

She said, "No--but I can tell YOU like them, and that's what's important."

That is s very "giving" type mentality and it appears that that is her attitude towards your taste in music.

And if you can't stop singing in the shower I would buy her some Mack's Ear Plugs.

ReckenRoll said...

I can't believe you participated in the "what bothers you about me?" conversation.

DANGER
DANGER WILL ROBINSON.

Which leads me to say I am with Kadonk...We shall call you the whipped boy.

And you shall like it.

Steph said...

The boy and myself have these kind of discussions all the time....usually yelled from across the room though hahaha.

I'm happy for you DrKen.

Mood Indigo said...

Well now THIS sounds promising!!! Can't wait to hear what your reaction is to the article I just linked to - especially in light of what seems to be a really healthy thing you've got going :)

Essentially Me said...

Aww! You like her!

Mr. Shife said...

She is the one dude. I got a sign from the blogging gods. "I Was Made for Loving You" by KISS was playing while I read your latest.
Cool that you are going to talk to Izzy. I would like to read that interview especially if he talks about G-n-Rs wild and crazy days.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Zen: This just reaffirms your genius status in my mind: She getting her doctorate in psychology, and she wants to be a couples therapist. You are an evil genius, my friend.

Reck: I really do think those talks are good and healthy, and no, I'm not p-whipped! I think maybe she's d-whipped. Just kidding.

Steph: Thanks, kid.

Mood: Thanks for the good wishes, and I'll check out your link in a sec.

Essentially: It looks that way. Awwwwwwww is right!

Shifey: I love when people tell me what songs play. Would if If You Want To Be Happy For the Rest of Your Life (Never Make a Pretty Woman Your Wife) was playing? I do, in fact, have that on my blog player. If the Izzy thing works out, I'll for sure get you a link.

I'm Not Carrie Bradshaw said...

Dude, you are SO whipped, but it's cute.

If any guy in college had actually had the Pink Floyd poster on his wall I would have totally slept with him.

So do I get to meet SLF in a couple weeks? Can we go eat pizza at that place that is open until like 4am?

Just Wandering... said...

You, my friend, are a whipped boy! Its lovely and funny at the same time.

I'm with SLF and the not getting the music. But I'll listen to you babble about it but only if you pet me on the head and tell me I'm pretty ;-)

FitnessNerd said...

Yeah, whipped as hell...

And...

You get to come to Indiana, you are like a Golden God or something. Lafayette even...

And you should really try to see if he has any inside scoop on Chinese Democracy, other than he hopes it is an abject failure (well, duh) and that Axel rots in a Turkish prison or something...

Jake Titus said...

I've had the "what bothers me about you" conversation with my wife. It goes something like this. . .

Me: "It really bugs me when you pick at the skin on your fingers when we're watching tv."

Her: "It really bugs me when your a nit picky asshole."

That's were the conversatione usually ends and the picking gets louder.

Passionista said...

I'm pretty easy going so a lot of stuff doesn't bother me at all. But the guy I'm seeing now and I have definitely talked about each other's quirks. We point out what irks us when the other is doing it so that he or I realize it at the time. Nothing is taken too seriously though, we usually laugh about it.

Thanks for the story! Glad you didn't "do the deed."

zen wizard said...

I love it when I'm right!!

Especially if it is about esoteric trade secrets that only people in a cabalistic secret society--like psychology or medicine--are supposed to know about...

***Gloat!***

radioactive girl said...

After I had been married for 10 years, my husband told me that it bugs the crap out of him when we are driving somewhere and I flip radio stations. I had no idea even though I have been doing it in front of him since the day I met him. I try really hard to not do it in the car with him, but seriously if you wait 10 years to tell someone, he can't expect results overnight!

You both sound very happy, and I am happy for you!

sequined said...

I have a friend who says "per se" all the time, and often wrongly, and I almost told her the other day but thought better of it. But if you can tell SLF about her "obsess" problem, maybe I can step up, too.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Bradshaw:
1) I'm NOT P-Whipped!
2) Is that all it would have took?
3) You will more than likely meet the Miami Sex Machine on St. Patty's.

Wander: I'm NOT P-Whipped! All I ask is that they act interested. Before long, they ARE interested. Then they are sucked into my vortex . . .

Nerd: I'm NOT P-Whipped! If I pull it off, I'll get ALL the scoops.

Titus: That's how it would go most of the time, but this is a weird flowing of openness that I'm not used to. Maybe your approach is all wrong, like are you cocking your hand back ready to slap her as you say this?

Ista: Yes! That's how you have to go about it, all light hearted, and then everything seems cool. No problem on the story. I'm going to check out your re-comment in a sec.

Zen: You were right as rain, my friend.

Radio: Yes, you need a purpose when you flip around. I have a sound, tried and true system when I flip.

Seq: I knew someone who overdid the per say thing too! Hate that. I don't think it's worth busting them out if they're just a friend, but if you do it, let me know how it goes . . .

Sassy Blondie said...

*SIGH* Our boy has grown into a nice young man...

Good for you and the evolving stuff! And no, I never mean you are immature...;)

EmmaK said...

I know that lyric is Guns n Roses and I don't even like the band and I am British. What's my point....you seem madly in love because none of it bothers you. I love that back poster of pink floyd albums.

Jake Titus said...

No raised hand, but I do gnash my teeth and little bits of spit sometimes fly across the room.

josh williams said...

I visited the Brewgrass Festivale this September and they had a brewer that had mimicked the Pink Floyd Poster you mentioned.
My brother who will only listen to The Dead, has recently adimitted he loves the Floyd. What is funny, after Sid Barret the Floyd was mostly beer drinkers, typical Brits. They even look like well heeled Brits these days.Do not be ashamed of you music, or your posters. Also never take my advice.

Anonymous said...
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Sabina said...

I'm kind of clueless about a lot of music, too. I choose to assume people find it endearing. And even if it's a psychotherapist's trick, it's always good to avoid bottling up whatever's irking you, right?

The Charming Hedonist said...

There is only two reasons a man would honestly answer the question "Is there anything I do that irks you" (or its equivalent):

1. He is stupid. Very stupid. And shouldn't dress himself.

2. The sex is good. Very very good.

So, what's the next level after SLF? I forgot.

Ron, apparently said...

Mrs. Ron says we're married so everything I do is automatically annoying, then immediately forgiven for the sake of a quiet life.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sass: I knew you would find this one interesting, being that you're the one who notices my man-child issues the most.

Em: I'm glad you came by and commenting, even if you don't like G n' R. : )

Jake: I see. She MAY pick up on that . . .

Sabina: It's working out well so far. It's opened my eyes a little.

Josh: It is true that Syd did enough drugs for the whole band. I must try the Floyd beer!

Charm: One is true and two is REALLY true.

Ronald: True. It's part of the "sickness and health" bit, I suppose.

josh williams said...

I read a book on Syd it seems his roommate for awhile was putting LSD in his tea everyday without Syds knowledge, this I think would prove detrimental to ones mental health.

Ms. Laaw-yuhr said...

Go you and SLF! Sounds like it's about damn time something worked out for you.

Now don't f* it up.

WendyB said...

How good or bad is your singing voice? Because that makes a difference, you know.

TOPolk said...

Jimmy Soul - "If You Wanna Be Happy"
- that made my night.

On to the question at hand, probably the most troublesome issue or quirk I've had w/ a significant other was probably the last girl I dated. She was a big wrestling fan (as I am) so I gave her some slack with a lot of stuff...but eventually I found out she had no clue about ANY professional sports teams. She knew the Sabres and Bills, but that's only because she's from Buffalo.
Being a big sports guy that caused a problem as any athletic references I threw at her usually went over her head.
On night in particular we're playing "Couples Taboo" (so not my idea) and we're tied going into the last round. The tie breaker was simple - Detroit. So here I go working within the means I had. "Red Wings."
"Pistons."
"Lions."
"Tigers."
All met with blank stares. We lost and when she finds what the category was she gets all pissy and goes, "Why didn't you say WrestleMania 23?"

I love wrestling, but not that much. I didn't keep her around long.

carolyn says said...

we have a more immature version of those conversations on a regular basis, it usually starts out like this
me: why do you have 25 kabillion records that are still wrapped up and have never been listened too
J: because I saw them once and they were really good
me: . . .
J: why do you always leave the wooden spoons in the sink
me: because I forgot about them
J: . . .
me: why do you suck?
J:why do you suck?
me:why are you such a butt
J: butt butt butt butt butt


see, essentially the same thing

Ron, apparently said...

A man walks into a bank, gets in line,
and when it is his turn
he pulls out a gun and robs the bank.

To make sure he leaves no witnesses
he turns around and asks the next customer in line,
"Did you see me rob this bank?"
The customer replies, "Yes," whereupon the robber
shoots him in the head and kills him.

The robber quickly moves to the next customer in line
and says to the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."

Jenni said...

...Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place where as a child I'd hi-e-ide, and pray for the thunder, and the rain to quietly pass me bi-e-i...

Love them.

Holy Hell. If I were her I would MAKE you bring me with you to that interview. Then I'd totally take it over and leave with Izzy to go have groupie sex in the back of the tour bus. (Kidding...I wouldn't leave with Izzy and have groupie sex, but I WOULD take over the interview. ;) )

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Josh: That is true. I'm sure they wouldn't have done it had they known how bad it would end up being for him, but it still makes me mad to think about it.

Law: I'm trying to make it work. Thanks for your encouragement!

Wendy: Great point! I'm so-so when I need to be, but I think it's more because it's in the morning when she's sleeping. Shy may even be annoyed if Tony Benet were singing while he put his clothes on. I'd be annoyed too, cause that'd be kind of weird.

Topolk: Wow. Her monster wrestling knowledge didn't override her piss-pour sports knowledge? Great story!

Carolyn: You haven't been by the page in a while. Good to "see" you. That why are you such a butt line was such a rock solid point. Obama should drop that one on Hilary.

Ron: GREAT joke. That's almost one that's better in print. I thought of telling a coworker that one, and then I just thought it would be better to email it.

Jenni: Okay, SLF is not going on the trip. That settles it. You may have to go though, because I don't care who you do, and it might loosen him up a little for our chat.