We often hear about the greatest love songs of all time, but what about the most apathetic sentiments of all time? You know, songs about those people you're seeing, who you certainly don't hate, but you're nowhere near loving them. I think you'll agree that these are three fine choices. So, without further ado, The Gancer brings you the Top 3 'I'm Not That Into You' Songs of all time:
3. Stay by Pink Floyd. In the first verse there is no way to tell that unassuming keyboardist Rick Wright is not into the philly to which he sings:
Stay and help me to end the day.
And of you don't mind,
We'll break a bottle of wine.
Stick around and maybe we'll put one down,
Because I wanna find what lies behind those eyes.
Then the next morning he wakes up and does a total 180:
I rise, looking through my morning eyes,
Surprised to find you by my side.
Rack my brain to try to remember your name
To find the words to tell you goodbye.
I wonder what words he chose to tell her goodbye? I have a good friend, who's fear of commitment and confrontation exceeds even mine, who sets the alarm on his phone to go off in the morning as if it were ringing when he's doing a "road show", so that he can fake a phone call and get out of there. Buddy, if you're reading, you're a sick man, but that's pure genius.
2. Stay With Me by Faces, off of the A Nod Is as Good as a Wink to a Blind Horse LP, which could easily make a top three list of best album titles. This song tells the story of a guy trying to lure a young lady upstairs to read his "tarot cards," which is really code for bumping fuzzies. I've always said, "Would you care to see my painting?" ANYWAY, the narrator then offers the "jezebel" cab fare and use of his "best cologne" if she agrees to not be there in the morning when he wakes up. What a stone, cold pimp!!
1. Saturday Savior by Failure. Yikes! These lyrics speak for themselves:
I'M NEVER GONNA SAY THE WORDS
THAT YOU WANT
I'M NEVER GONNA FEEL THE SHAME
LIKE YOU DO
I'M NEVER GONNA STRETCH MY SHAPE
TO BE WITH YOU
I ONLY NEED YOU FOR A DAY
'CAUSE I ONLY WANNA BE YOUR
I CAN BE THAT
I WILL BE YOUR
I CAN BE THAT IMPOSTER IN YOUR BED
WAKE HIM UP PLEASE
I'M NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL
THAT YOU'RE SATISFIED
I'M NEVER GONNA FEEL YOUR PAIN
LIKE YOU WISH I WOULD
I'M NEVER GONNA OPEN UP
MORE THAN THIS
I JUST WANNA BE YOUR
I JUST WANNA BE YOUR
I'M NEVER GONNA BREAK APART
QUITE LIKE YOU
I'M NEVER GONNA LONG FOR LIFE
THE WAY YOU DO
I'M NEVER GONNA PUSH YOU OUT
'CAUSE YOUR NOT IN
THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A WHILE
'CAUSE I ONLY WANT TO BE YOUR
Although he's a little harsh, you have to admire how up front this guy is, because it would be worse to lead her on, right? Congratulations, Failure, on placing number one on The Gancer's all-time 'I'm Not That Into You' songs.
Hey, seven readers, do you have any other nominations?