Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Please read this link and come back for the related half-assed analysis:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16157113/


Evidently Asian Indian men as a whole aren't as well hung as their counterparts in varying other parts of the globe. What cracked me up about the article is the high incidences of AIDS in the country being partly due to these Indian fellas being ashamed of buying the snug-fitters, and the proposed solution? Vending machines. Man, sometimes I think you're better off hittin' it raw (did I just say that?) than using one of those jimmies. I didn't mean that, seven readers. Don't hit it raw (Good Lord! I've said it again).

So, these guys KNOW that AIDS is spreading across their fine nation like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spreads across a puff pastry, but when faced with the choice of AIDS or the embarrassment of buying a snug-fitter, they're like, "Eh, she looks clean."

Come on, Indian Men! Too much is at stake to be this shy about your manhood. Besides, it's not the size of the boat; it's the motion of the ocean. Secondly, it doesn't take a big hose to put out a fire. Furthermore, it's not the size of the ax; it's how you SWING it!

* Doesn't the guy in this picture look pleased as punch buying his body bag???
** A big, "Proper!" in honor of Cherry Ride to the first of my seven readers to know from what song I got the term body bag . . .

10 comments:

5 of 9er said...

Wow! I was just reading someone's opinion about how the news is not worth watching/reading. No way! If there was no news... this story would of never come out. These are the days that the sun shines a little brighter. Funny ass shit!
I am stumped on the song... my guess is Body Count or Ice-T or Earth, Wind, & Fire.
Good use of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

classyandfancy said...

Umm, duh. . . BBD! "Can't Trust a Big Butt and Smile!"

Real news from Dr. Ken? What is the world coming to or not coming into?

classyandfancy said...

P.S. The spelling was intentional. I don't want to attract the wrong crowd to your blog.

P.P.S. Now that I have another blogger account my comments show my new profile. It's like I never existing as a blogger! I am going to cry myself to sleep on my huge pillow.

[Cherry] Ride said...

I too congratulate you on the fine simile-tastic use of "I Can't Believe its not butter." I believe we will have to use this OFTEN for Liar's Club.

(And a big shout out to the LC as we are the first 3 to comment on your post. Proper!)

But getting back to your post itself, I could not imagine anything more embarrassing than using a public vending machine to buy a jimmy. Especially a vending machine where different sizes were available, where everyone could see you choosing the "Star of India" size instead of the European or American size.
... I mean, not that I myself personally have anything to be embarrassed about when it comes to penis size or anything like that... Um, nevermind. Moving on...

classyandfancy said...

OH MY GOD! I meant, "Do Me"!

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

5 of 9er: Newsworthy fo' sho'.

Classy: You're right about it being real news, but it involved penises, so it's goofy enough for me to include it in my goofy site.

Cherry: I bet Little Superstar is packin' a big, moose-style willie. He has no shame when there's on-lookers at the local jimmy machine.

Classy: I'm glad you self-corrected. PROPER!!

Drunken Chud said...

i am so moving to india. i would be a god. with a full half inch on all those poor bastards the women would swoon their curry smelling selves all over me. heh.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

No wonder they're all so cranky when I call them for tech support.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Chudzilla: Let me know how it works out. I hope your plans for being a swinging single aren't foiled by an arranged marriage . . .

Dykerson: hahahahaha! I might be more apt to give crabby/crappy tech advice too if I were hung like an elevator button.

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