Monday, October 22, 2007

Notary Babe

I have to get something notarized. So I'm searching online for notaries in Chicago, and there's a page called the "Notary Rotary" with a big list of people, all of whom will meet you anywhere, anytime, and many of whom have pictures. I'm scrolling through their pictures, thinking, I might as well have a hot ass chick meet me anywhere, preferably at 2:00 in the morning, at my house, while in my undies. I thought my odds were pretty slim at finding the allusive hot-to-trot, notary-babe, but low and behold the blond bombshell pictured immediately to the left of this sentence. This scenario begs a few questions:

1. How could I NOT go with the hot one?!?
2. Doesn't everyone?
3. Do any of these other losers get calls, or since she started did all their business dry up?
4. Is the notary game just a front for an escort ring?
5. God I hope so.
6. Was #5 a question or more of a beg?

So, this notary bird is meeting me Thursday night at the bar at which I play volleyball. I can't wait to tell my whole team about it, so we can all anxiously await her arrival. Maybe she'll sub for us! Maybe she notarizes naked! Maybe she signs with her . . .

I'll be sure to keep you, my loyal readers, posted of the upcoming events.

28 comments:

Airam said...

I can't help but be amused by this! You're hilarious ... I wish you luck. And a little bit of fuck.

Steph said...

You are such a clown!

Mr. Shife said...

All I can imagine is that this is a picture from when she was hot and before the 12 kids. We had a mayor from local town that campaigned using a picture when she was about 25. A lot of young men were a little surprised when a 45-year-old lady showed up at a speech. I wish you better luck kind sir.

RevRee said...

Good luck!

You may win the bet afterall!!!

DAMNIT!

Laaw-yuhr said...

You fool! You invited her to watch your whole volleyball team? You're going to distract her with a whole bunch of *other* half-naked guys? God, why don't you just hand her to someone else on a platter?

Unless you're the hottest guy on the team and the others make you look awesome by comparison. Er...if that's the case, then I retract everything before.

ADW said...

Damn!! I need to switch professions.

Michael5000 said...

Dr. Ken,

I'm worried. Mixing sexual attraction and paperwork can only lead to problems, down the line.

M5K

BottleBlonde said...

She IS quite hot! Though I don't know if you noticed, but there seems to be a guy bangin' her from behind in that pic. Not that that makes any difference ...

Loaf said...

Perhaps you could found a new business: Naked Notaries.

It's a winner!

classyandfancy said...

Curious. Considering that notaries can't charge more than $1, I think she is going to try to rope you into buying her multiple drinks for her "services", but then again how is that different from any other babe?

For future reference, if you ever need a notary again, I am one, but am more discreet about my services. I never meet my clients in public, only at hotels by airports.

Drunken Chud said...

something seems fishy here. let me know how this plays out.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Airam: Thanks for the well wishes!

Steph: Thanks. This chick looks like she could make the cut in your crew of good-looking babes, no?

Shife: I thought the same thing . . .

Rev: It's a lock. A lock.

Law: I think I do have the other guys beat. They're short.

ADW: Show up in your Hooter's outfit to notarize.

Michael: Ha!!! Great point, but I'm willing to take the chance.

Bottle: I didn't see that dude!!!

Loaf: Let's you and I go into business. Globally.

Classy: $1? You're hired.

Chudley: You will be the first to know, my friend. Now go update your blog!!

ReckenRoll said...

I'm with Shife. Totally bait and switch.

Laaw-yuhr said...

Ok, well carry on then. I retract all previous statements. Your plan is brilliant.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Could you get her to notarize a picture of my genitals? It's for a friend. Thanks.

blythe said...

how come i never read this before? i mean really. what was going on there?

Grad School Reject said...

Maybe this woman has hot friends and relatives who provide similar services in other stereotypical "pain in the ass" fields:

The Hot DMV Chick
The Hot Postal Lady
The Hot Lunch Lady

...you get the idea

Kadonkadonk said...

It looks like she is in a bar in that picture, so at least she'll feel right at home. Tip: Hot chicks love it when you ask them to have sex in bar bathrooms.

5 of 9er said...

2. Yes... everyone does. Good luck tonight. Show up in your undies!

Sassy Blondie said...

Don't forget to check her ID...no need for things to get ugly...

Anonymous said...

tonight's the night! good luck!

Mr. Shife said...

So tonight is the big night. I wonder what got notarized.

Scary Monster said...

Better watch out what she do with the paper crimper stamp thang. Iffin she noterizes yer nutsac then you'll have a permanent seal of approval.

STOMP.

zen wizard said...

Maybe she washes your car in a bikini after she stamps your document--that would be a pretty cool tie-in, huh??

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Do you really say "undies"?

Eve said...

How'd it go?

Diesel said...

Whoa. That dude IS hot.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I found you through Captain corky.
I too am in chitown..I too am a capricorn..but I am the married at home with kids mom...your stories are great! It's bringing back the 20's for me and my single girlfriends..minus the proteon sucking toddler and the covering junk in the trunk..
BUT GREAT POST! DID you ever find out what body of water you ended "up ontop of?"

Always,
Crusty~
I'm bookmarking your site and I'll be back...