Thursday, March 19, 2009

High and Dry But Not Dry Where You May Think

Yeah, i'm not a loner, i'm not a fool
Don't need a reason, reason to be cool
I got my whiskey, i got my wine
I got my woman, and this time the lights are going out
(saturday night) high
(saturday night) high 'n' dry
(saturday night) i'm high
(saturday night) high 'n' dry

I was singing this song to myself as I drove over to my lady's place; the lyrics based on the items I picked up.

1. Thai food for two.

2. A romantic movie: "An Affair to Remember" starring a very pimp-like Cary Grant and an entirely unbelievable guy who seemed to be fine with his girl holding onto a crush on the aforementioned big pimpin' Mr. Grant. Seriously, he was like, "Okay, babe. Why don't you go for it? He is a looker." Then again, as stupid as it was to think someone would act that way, at least he wasn't a predictable prick like he would have been in today's movies. Consider the evil shoot-people-in-the-butt and lay-cheap-shots-on-you-during-pick-up-football boyfriend in Wedding Crashers. Or, take the take the window-seat-taking and cheat-on-you-lefty-right boyfriend in Wedding Singer. Come to think of it, both those guys were cheaters, and both were in movies with wedding in the title. I like both films, but the point is that today's movies seem to want to hit the audience over the head with who a character should end up with at the end of the thing. I like Danny Aiello's guy in Moonstruck because he's not a bad guy, just a harmless momma's boy and kind of a dork. I guess I'm looking for that kind of realism, but nobody pays me to write bad guy or even neutral boyfriends in movies, nor do they pay me to compare my life to Def Leppard lyrics. You all get that for free.

3. Twizzlers and some shitty cookie dough candy

4. A couple bottles of cheap, instant headache wine I'll never buy again that I got at Aldi. There will be a blog about Aldi very soon.

5. A bottle of Astroglide Lubricant

Now, you're probably thinking that was going to be a romantic evening, an affair to remember if you will, until number five threw a major curve ball into the mix. But, we weren't using the lube for it's namesake - this particular one doubles as a massage oil. We wanted to go with the stuff that warms up to make up for my lack of massage ability, despite being Swedish. Then again, if I got some good music and I'm in love, like I am with her, I'm not all that bad.

And you may be asking the reason I made you read those awful Def Leppard lyrics if you're still reading after all those tangents? I was singing:

"I got my lube. I got my wine. I got my woman . . ."

I ask you, Seven Readers, what else do you need?


Heff said...

That's one of the FEW Def Leppard albums I actually LIKE, BTW...

Sassy Blondie said...

As usual, I laughed out loud. I've been gone awhile and am trying to catch up with your prolific posting!

Mr. Shife said...

You don't need much if you got classic Def Leppard blasting. And I did not get a Facebook friendship request from Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. I guess I will continue to be patient.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

sounds like the makings of a GREAT date night to me!

Way to go dude!

Never seen an Affair to Remember. I need to do so, soon.

And if this isn't a sign...... My word veri is "zesti".
Oh yeah......

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Buttlick: Yes. That and some stuff on Pyromania.

Sassy: It was great to see your pic! Haven't seen you forever!

Shife: I tried. I'll take another crack at it . . .

Dandy: It's a good flick. Think you'll like it, and you're 20 more readers than me will like your findings!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Dandy: I think I meant "your." Even still, it was a dumb, confusing comment on my part.

TOPolk said...

There's other Def Leppard outside of "Pour Some Sugar On Me"? Well I'll be damned...

Casey said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sabina said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's all you need.
And now I need a massage.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Polk: Shame on you! You've never heard Love Bites, Foolin', Rock of Ages, Bringing on the Heartache . . . I thought a man who played Sega Genesis would have a finer appreciation for hair metal . . .

'Bina: Yup. That's all anyone needs. Fact.