Thursday, August 20, 2009

'Hang 'Em Up!' and Coat Hangers

61-year-old Steven Tyler recently fell off a stage in South Dakota, suffering head and neck injuries.

This caused the band to have to postpone their next show, but that's not the extent of ailments afflicting this aging band:

"On June 28, Tyler hurt his leg at a concert in Uncasville, Conn., and the band had to postpone seven shows in July. Tyler also battled pneumonia before the tour began in June, while guitarist Joe Perry fought a knee infection," says yahoo news.

Jeez! We'll pay you guys to stop touring! You, you just take care of those knees and play with your grandkids!

I mean, if he fell off a stage in 1973 during a coked up frenzy, I'd pay to see that, but this is just plain sad and embarrassing. This guy is as old as my dad, and I just wouldn't be comfortable with people paying to watch my dad dance around in various cities at his age. My father, a man who jogged 7 miles a day, every day, for most of his adult life, recently tripped over a common coat hanger and scraped the hell out of himself, and I was really worried about him. Where is Liv Tyler while her dad is plummeting onto concert-goers? It seems bad for his health. If my dad were riding around in a tour bus, stopping in various places to run around a stage full of coat hangers, you better believe I'd get him in a half-nelson, take him back to his suburban home, and watch the Cubs break our hearts (our favorite father-son activity) until he came to his senses.

What do you think, readers? Do you say:

A) If they still want to make music and tour, and it's what they enjoy, let them do it for as long as they like.


B) Would you like to say to them, "Stop sucking album-after-album, night-after-night because you haven't been any good in literally over twenty years, and that's debatable. You haven't been great in over thirty years, equally debatable, and the more you hang around sucking, the harder it is to like your good stuff."


Heff said...

Without question - B !

Aerosmith isn't worth a DAMN anymore, and they weren't THAT good in the first place.

And Damn, Steven's starting to look a lot like Michael Jackson !

TOPolk said...

Sounds like the author is leaning heavily toward option B...

...I can't blame you. I've only been an Aerosmith fan since the 90s (being born in '83 will do that) and even I've been ready for them to hang it up. Like you said, they're long past their prime. And what makes matters worse is that the people who are going to these shows are long past their prime as well. Nothing like seeing an audience of 50/60 olds jam out to Dream On and Kings and Queens...

BeckEye said...

B. With an, um, capital B.

Seriously, Steven Tyler looks like a 95-year-old woman. And he rocks about as hard as one these days.

Anonymous said...

Picturing dad up there on stage definitely makes me vote for option B.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff: Yeah, he does look like Mike. Gross.

Polk: Yes, the author is in the B Camp.

Beck: Yes, he does rock like a 95-year-old woman, and he fucks like one, I hear. Huh?

Anon: Hahhaha. Not a pretty picture.

Drunken Chud said...

20 years? come on. get a grip was a good album. GOOD. not great. but personally i think all aging bands should stop touring. the albums all suck ass. i saw the stones years ago, during the voodoo lounge tour. can you name a song off that album? no? me fucking neither and i was there. they'd play some godawfulfucking song and people would sit down and be like "wtf is this tripe" and then they'd break into an older hit. same with when i saw paul mccartney, he played some ear bleeding soul sucking drivvel off his new album, which i didn't even know he made, and people were looking at each other going, "this shit sucks. get back with wings and do some brainstorming."

long comment short, if you're putting out new albums and touring and your shit sucks so bad that your re-release of a re-mastered classic CD is outselling the new one... hang it the fuck up. you're embarrassing yourself. and btw, we know you're using backing tracks. assholes.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Chud: Yes, nobody wants to hear the crap off the new album, but what's worse is when one guy digs the new album and wants to show everyone he likes it. So, that one asshole screams "woo-hoo" every time a new song kicks in.