If you go back a post or two, you'll see that a crack head went poo in a bucket in my backyard and tried to kick my landlord's door in. And there is video of it. A really gross video with zero wiping involved.
Mrs. Noisewater and I were just visiting her brother in Brooklyn, and it turns out he too had criminals caught on tape outside his building trying to steal and performing bodily functions - that is if tweaking is in fact a bodily function.
Apparently this duo sat outside the building robbing packages that arrived, and all the while the female thief shook her rump. And you'll notice she is a tireless twerker. As one resident noted:
"I'm not exaggerating when I say she did this for an hour...For an entire hour. Rest breaks were had, but she got right back up and dropped it like it was hot, often times on the lap of the man."
Now that's a good team member right there. Thievery can be quite an ordeal, especially when you're waiting long stretches for the UPS guy. That's when a quality crime buddy steps up and gives you a lap dance to help pass the time and keep your spirits up. Hats off to her.
Of course, neither one of us is telling our parents because we don't want them thinking there are insane people everywhere pooing, robbing, and twerking everything they can get their hands and butts on. But moms and dads, if you're reading, the hoodlums in both scenarios have all been caught. And I hope the judge orders that their surveillance videos be aired on the hour in the mess hall.