New Show Hits Close To Home But Still Manages to Kind of Suck

I was kind of excited to watch that new show Love Monkey with the guy from Ed, so I taped it and watched it today. Why in the world would I get excited about a new sit-com? Well, it’s supposed to be about a guy that drinks with his buddies, has a series of failed relationships with women, and he’s a huge music fan. How could I NOT watch that?

This show has been billed as Sex and the City for men. I see the connection because it has the same obsession with narrating the SHIT out of something instead of letting the characters tell the story. “And then it occurred to Miranda: She had hair EXACTLY like Ziggy Stardust.” Have you seen those episodes? I mean, I like Bowie as much as the next guy, but I have no desire to have sex in ANY city with a girl that looks like an androgynous, fictional, rock God character that David Bowie portrayed, “God-given ass” or not. I always loved that line . . . Wow that was a tangent.

I guess a rock music related rant like that is case in point why I’m like the guy in Love Monkey. However, if I am ever portrayed in a movie, PLEASE write a better show to highlight my dysfunctional rock music obsession. There is one scene when a girl breaks up with him and says, “If you love someone set them free,” and they cut to him and the narration says, “Did she just quote Sting?” If I were writing that scene she would have been walking away and he would have muttered to himself, “Wait, fucking Sting!!?” Then hollering to her, “Fucking Sting! You’re breaking up with me using a Sting song?! Do you want to give me one of his speeches now about the rain forests or the two-hour-long tantric sex he claims to have with his wife?” See, funny, and no narration necessary.

There’s a couple things I liked about the show. I liked that Brandon from 90210 got fat. It makes sense though because he plays the complacent brother-in-law/friend of The Guy from Ed. I’m too fricking lazy to look up the names of these actors in case you can’t tell. I didn’t, however, like how his other friend was the stereotypical, oversexed, black man type just like in 40-Year-Old Virgin. I liked a couple of the music references and how he values good taste in music in girls he meets, but I think that they will not be able to keep the music tie-in going into later episodes, and then we’re left with a mediocre sit-com. I get the sense that there was a good script in there somewhere that would have been really good had it been on HBO, but because it’s on CBS, everything is cutesy and the plotlines and characters are all neat and tidy.

You know what else I didn’t like? I hated that there was a young songwriter act that The Guy from Ed is trying to sign and he is claiming that he is a genius, yet he’s a poor man’s John Mayer, and in my estimation, that is PISS poor. Does anyone else think John Mayer blows? I think he plays guitar okay, but his vocals are weak and constricted like someone has a wrench around his throat. My stomach still hasn’t stopped churning at the “body is wonderland” line. Why not your body is Disney Land or your body is Six Flags Great America. Your fucking body is like the ride The Edge that fucking killed a few guys! Now THAT is a compliment the likes of which a chick would not get every day. Your body is like drinking a can of Jolt cola while riding The Edge, or whatever they called that ride at your local Six Flags.

This is when the overnarration in my little story would chime in and say, “So, that’s when he decided to END his crazy, ranting blog entry . . .”