Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Salt Shakers as Visual Aids, Bad, Yet Appropriate iPod Songs That Come Up on the Random Setting, and the Longest Title Since That Fionna Apple Record

Don't you hate when some jag-bag is telling you a story, usually about a car accident, and he goes into a long description with visual aids to give you a better mental picture of the events? He's always all like, "So, this salt shaker is me, right? And this sugar and sweetener container is the other guy's car. And . . ." I'm always a patient, polite listener, but I really want to say, "Just stop right there, you uninteresting slob. Your story will not magically become interesting when I've achieved the PERFECT visual of the intersection due to your God damn diorama presentation."

In a completely unrelated matter, on my bike ride home from work today I heard Semicharmed Kind of Life by Third Eye Blind, and while that song is horribly nerdy, it made me really happy today. Even though I was sure no one could tell what song I was listening to, I got a little embarrassed that I was listening to it, and what's worse, enjoying it so much. I will say though, it's the perfect make-you-happy-whilst-you-bike-by-the-lake song, because in the video all the guys in the band were merrily riding in some sort of gay-ass, moped procession. So, given the situation, the song was perfect to listen to, while I would not be caught dead listening to it on any other occasion I can think of.

This is even more the case with another song I heard on today's bike ride: Riding the Storm Out by REO Speedwagon. There was a massive storm hitting the Chicago area, so I was trying to bike home fast before I got caught in the thick of it. As it turns out, the only real good time to listen to Riding the Storm Out is when you're, well, riding a storm out.

14 comments:

ocg said...

I just sat through an explanation of a car accident the other day with visual aids. You're not joking - they are so not needed to comprehend any basic story.

PS- Hay stranger... whats up?

:)

Scary Monster said...

When someone starts a story like that Me always keeps moving or using the salt shaker or whatever condiment they be using to evplain themselves. Drives them nuts

mysterygirl! said...

Ha! Picking up the salt shaker mid-story to season your fries might be a subtle way to demonstrate your annoyance.

And I sort of want to be merrily riding in a "gay-ass moped procession" now. Sounds kind of fun.

mysterygirl! said...

Oh! Scary Monster already said something like that! My bad, SM.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

That phrase "gay-ass moped procession" made me spit my coffee. Well played.

Fever Dog said...

Is it safe to be out riding in a storm? Is there a bad song expressing that danger?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

OCG: Great to have you back after like a year! Glad you could relate to the topic, but sorry you had to endure one of those visual aid stories.

Scary: I'm going to try that next time!! He'll be like, "Hey, that's my Buick that you're using to salten your moons over my hammy(TM).

Cherry: Thanks, bro! From what I hear from Classy, you and I have a lot in common these days. We should get a drink and commiserate.

Fever: Not safe, but that song does have an ominous tone to it as well as a sense of urgency. It also kind of sucks. Sucks so good.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

When telling stories about my sexual conquests, I always use a footlong hot dog to represent myself.

Jenny! said...

I love diorama's but not that kind! That song is a feel good song...but still embarrasing!

Grad School Reject said...

I have downloaded music for my wife to make her "mix cds." Due to this romantic gesture, I every so often have songs like "Sister Christian" by NightRanger appear on my iPod.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Dickerson: It's good to have one of those handy for obvious reasons.

Jenny: Don't be embarrassed! Revel in the nerdiness of it!!

GSR: Sister Christian is the only karaoke song I've done at a bar. I rocked it, but it's a touch too long for karaoke. Anyway, there's no shame in your game for having that song in your libarary. It's good fun.

BottleBlonde said...

The world would be a much better place without 'diorama presentations'.

ReckenRoll said...

I know all the words to semi charmed kind of life. Does that make me a bad person?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Bottle: Very true!

Reck: Even the bad rap??? I'm proud.