Sunday, October 19, 2008

Happy Ending for the Ladies?

Gancer Girlfriend got a text from a coworker last night that read, "Girl, I just went for a massage, and the guy used a vibrator on me. I came 5 times."

HUH?

This conversation then went down:

Gancer: Wow. I didn't know they did that.

Gancer Girlfriend: I don't think they really used it on her vagina. I don't think they do that.

Gancer: Well, I would assume that is what she meant.

Gancer Girlfriend: No. She's not the type of woman to get that kind of service.

Gancer: Well, she's kind of that type of gal. Doesn't she have a stud stable of boyfriends, one of which she gave a time frame of when he could come by and break her off, another she told didn't f' well or go down on her well. Her notion was that most men do one or the other well, and . . .

Gancer Girlfriend: Okay, okay. How do you remember all of that?

Gancer: You know me. I remember all things like that.

Gancer Girlfriend: Okay, I need to call her real quick and get to the bottom of this.

So, she calls her up, and sure as shit, the masseuse, without asking if it was all right or not, took out a vibrating device and hummed away at her naughty bits long enough for her to cum five times and juice all over herself like she peed herself. One other yucky detail: As he was doing this, his less-than-impressive penis was brushed up against her hand.

Has anyone heard of this sort of service?

Shouldn't he have asked first?

Do you think that service was on the list of services on the package, so to speak, she had agreed to, and she just didn't notice it?

This whole thing came as a shocker to me, and I just want to get my readers' input on the matter . . .

27 comments:

House of Jules said...

WOW. I had no idea there were happy ending services for LADIES. No idea. I am clearly not going to the right places to get massages.
Jules
House of Jules

TOPolk said...

Brah, that's news to me. Thank you kind sir, I just learned something new today.

Douchegirl said...

Wait, so he did that WITHOUT her consent? I don't think I'd be so happy about it.

pistols at dawn said...

She was asking for it by what she wasn't wearing, maybe? That sounds like a one-way ticket to Massive Lawsuit City if there's no code or anything first, like, "Do you speak French?"

Why do I know hooker codes? That's not the issue here.

Dr Zibbs said...

Please post picture of the girl. It's only fair.

JerseySjov said...

on sex and the city there was a masseuse who would get with some of his lady clients. and if it happened on sex and the city it must happen in real life.

some kind of heads-up would have been appropriate on his part.

radioactive girl said...

I have no comment for this. I would think he should have asked first though.

Chardsy said...

Does the girl feel violated or pleased?

Does the guy have a west coast recommendation?

Anonymous said...

I have NEVER heard of such a thing. There had to be more of a build-up going on there that she is leaving out. Someone just doing that without any lead-up is creapy. WTF? That's really crazy.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coconut said...

Maybe she went to him because he's known for doing that? Still totally weird, though.

Zen Wizard said...

I laughed when I read, "If it happened on 'Sex & the City,' it must happen in real life."

Then I tried to think of ONE SINGLE EXCEPTION to that rule....

I used to go to this accupressure chiropractor that would adjust you and give you this deep tissue massage. He said his main problem was screening out the people who called on the ad and didn't want a real accupressure massage; they wanted sex.

Dang I could sure use that dude right now. He used to twap my back with a baseball bat and shit. You felt like the dog's ass when you left his office, but then you felt great the next day. (So I guess that would be sort of the OPPOSITE of the other kind of "masseuse"...)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Nut: No. She claimed she had no idea it was going to happen. Hmmmm . . .

Zen: Does his ad guarantee his customers will feel like the dog's ass? I like that expression . . .

sequined said...

I have never heard of such a thing! I think it would be horribly awkward, but... well, there'd certainly be demand I suppose. Not like relaxing massage is in a whole different ballpark to sex.

Why can't I just get a burly muscular man to rub his strong hands all over my naked back in NONSEXUAL WAY? Geez.

Kadonkadonk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kadonkadonk said...

Um, there is absolutely NO way that I would just lay (lie? I HATE lay/lie!!) there and let some random guy jack me off with a vibrator. I can do that shit myself. I am not paying some horndog $75 to do that shit. Stick to rubbing my fucking back, asshole!

Mr. Shife said...

That is definitely news to me. And I thank you for this bit of information. I am looking at making at a career change and this doesn't sound like a bad path to go down.

Anonymous said...

The more I think about this, the more it grosses me out. Imagine how many times that thing has given happy endings to many different women!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I know lots of burly men who like to rub down naked babes . . . Oh, wait, a NONsexual way . . .

Donk: Don't you mean Jill off?

Shife: I think you should bring this practice to the land of potatos.

Anon: Hahhahaha. Glad you've been thinking of it. My stupid blog is in your dome, and there's no getting it out now!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jules: It was news to me too. : )

Polky: I like to educate.

Douche: You sure you'd put up a fight?

Pistols: French, eh? Those hookers are so cultured . . .

Zibbs: I can't help you there, but I don't think she got that service because of how she looked. I'm assuming they do it to anybody who asks/pays.

Jov: Yes. A heads-up. "I'm going to vibrate your business now. That's cool, right?"

Radio: That seems to be the consensus.

Chards: I'll make a few calls . . .

Anon: A little crazy, yes. I wonder if the device looked like an, "ahem!" One wonders, but that would be a little tacky and gross, I think.

So@24 said...

That guy was me.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

SO: Hey, it's a living. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Grant Miller said...

Did she ask for "Full service?" That's usually the code.

Sabina said...

Kadonkadonk is right: the service you're really paying for is massage of a non-sexual kind, so I'd be pissed if the guy wasted part of the hour doing something I could have done myself. Not to mention violated, because there is NO WAY that was a) on the list of services or b) implied by the situation at all unless there are major details the girl is leaving out of the story.

Kris said...

Wow... just wow. Never heard of that.

Sassy Blondie said...

This is why I have issues with strangers touching me. I mean, if she was paying for this service, why the hell did he get a little friction in the deal? She should demand a refund...and the vibrator in question. So unprofessional...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Grant: Yes! Just like an oil change.

Sabina: Yeah, but maybe just the very end of the time so it doesn't cut too much into the massage time. That way you're TOTALLY relaxed when you leave - not that I know anything about those types of place, or work anywhere like that.

Kris: Nor had I. Sometimes we learn here at The Gancer, but usually it's just dick jokes.

Sassy: Yes! A full refund. And another round on the house.