Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Trish the Crack Whore

You're hearing everywhere of the importance of blogging in the political arena, but all I ever talk about are farts and stuff. So, coming up on my 200th post, I figure I'd better make The Gancer just as relevant as the other boring blogs you're not reading by saying something about the man everyone is talking about, Joe the Plumber.

I tuned in late to the debate tonight so I don't really know what he's all about, but he sounds real fun, like a professional wrestler. My guess is that he represents the common man, or the middle class, but when will the low class be talked about more? When will the debates discuss Trish the Crack Whore? Stan the Bookie? Eli the Underground Abortionist? Sharon the Borough of Queens Cockfighting Ring Card Girl? Sheila the Gal Taking a Crap on the Train*?

Surely all of these folks have problems and day-to-day lives far worse than Joe, and you just know their stories are more interesting.

Maybe it's best that I stick to farts.

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*At first I called this person Bill, but then it dawned on me that I had pigeonholed women to roles of crack whores and ring card girls. Hey, a woman can take a crap on a train as well as any guy. I'm such a feminist, man!

10 comments:

Zen Wizard said...

Joe the Plumber is analogous to that dick tease high school basketball cheerleader who couldn't decide whether to go out with YOU or the PRETTY BOY QUARTERBACK, so she yanked both of your chains for three months until you both got sick as fuck of her.

C'mon, Joe!

Your Warholian Fifteen Minutes are UP!!! BLEEEEEET! (That was the buzzer...)

Which guy is LESS WORSE to be in charge of Strategic Air Command!!!

Or think of it this way, Joe: You're on a plane that got hijacked by terrorists: Do you want an OLD ANGRY WHITE GUY WITH A HAIR UP HIS ASS AND "MOMMY ISSUES"or a PHOTOGENIC BLACK GUY WITH NO EXPERIENCE AND A RESUME' WORSE THAN DAN QUAYLE to tell NORAD to shoot your plane out of the sky??

(I know it's tough, Joe--it's like saying, "You get to buy a car, but it has to be a Kia or a Hyundai..." But c'mon: Reach down your Duckheads and find a pair!!)

JerseySjov said...

you are aware that joe the plumber is a real dude, right? hes a plumber from ohio that they spoke to. im not sure if it's a coincidence that he has the same name as that joe six-pack that we've all heard about...
it would probably not be in the candidate's best interests to be palling around with crack whores and train poopers.

also, borough. borough of queens. unless sharon is a rabbit.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Zen: I thought McCain came off a little snotty and socially strange. Maybe we should just send this Plumber guy over to the Middle East to negotiate.

Jov: WOW! Look who's little miss correcting stuff. I'm fully aware that Joe is a real dude. I was playing up my lack of political knowledge, you know, tongue-in-cheek. As for the borough thing, yeah, that was just an f-up. OOPS!

Zen Wizard said...

How is Lance the Gay Dog Groomer going to hire a staff of three nelly gay guys to prance out and shampoo poodles, with Obama's health plan?

Why didn't McCain bring THAT up??

Zen Wizard said...

How about "Jose' the Illegal Alien Leafblower Operator"?

Wait, fuck it: He doesn't get to vote unless it's California and there's a Clinton on the ticket...

josh williams said...

and so it goes...

Heff said...

I thought it was hilarious that they did some snooping and found out Joe The Plumber owes over $ 1200.00 in back taxes.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Zen: Both great additions. I got some real funny visual with that poodle shop.

Josh: So it does . . .

Heff: Really? He gets his 15 minutes of fame and it turns into 15 years in jail, I hope.

Kadonkadonk said...

Know how else you can celebrate your 200th post? Take off some of those expired blogs on your blogroll and add me. Because I am super awesome.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

You're right, 'Donk. You've been a loyal reader for a long time and you do reek of awesomeness. I'm adding you.