Have You Ever Thought About . . .

1. I know it's old news, but remember Miss South Carolina in the Miss Teen USA pageant with her incoherent, desperate effort to explain the horrors of the lack of maps in foreign countries? Well, the other day I was thinking about, don't ask me why, how she kept saying "such as," and I was speculating that someone probably coached her to say that every time she had the urge to say the word like because she probably said the L-Word a few zillion times during her run-through responses. Watching it again, there is, in fact, one instance where she starts to say like, catches herself, and then goes to her stand-in, the fail proof such as. Check it out.


2. On our walk to the Cubs game the other night, my buddies and I were talking about the final, really fat days of Chris Farley, and I said, "Remember that last shitty one he did with Matthew Perry, Wagons East? My good friend corrected me, saying that title was John Candy's morbidly obese movie, and I was thinking of Almost Heroes. Isn't it weird that two overweight, very funny, likable actors both had fat guy in the frontier movies that were universally lambasted by critics for their swan songs just before their untimely deaths?


3. Gancey Girlfriend was cleaning her apartment with a do-rag on her head, and I said, kissing her temple, "Hello there, Aunt Jemima." By the end of the night, she was calling herself the pancake icon, too, but then she questioned it, saying that she did not believe the good aunt wore the apparel in question. This morning, reaching into the cabinet, I was shocked to see that my syrup had revealed that Gancey Girlfriend was right: Jemima was staring right back at me sans do-rag. I did the research, and apparently she hung up her rag in 1989. I personally think the old way was better because I'm old school, and if for no better reason than to keep her fallen hairs out of the damn syrup.

What senseless junk have you been thinking about, Seven Readers?