Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Crustacean Castration

Actually, more of a vasectomy. Here is an interesting story along with some theories I personally have about lobster penis punishment.

Castrated by Lobsters

Castrated by Lobsters


This idiot not being able to have kids is good for mankind. Would if we dropped a few live lobsters down the pants of anyone who steals anything. When you're caught, you get tied up for 2 minutes, and we let the lobsters decide your fate. If there is no damage to your genitals, you get off easy with the jail time. If there is significant damage to your junk, you go free, maybe walk a little funny, but no making any baby thieves for you.

I think this is not a bad idea. Actually, how about each offense you have on your record is another lobster down there, thus upping the chances that repeat offending criminals don't procreate! This is the sort of plan that will seem a little strange at first, but you'll thank Dr. Ken generations letter when the lobsters have gradually reduced theft. Also, we should probably mark down the prices of lobsters that have been down all the sweaty thief pants . . .

5 comments:

sybil law said...

That's the kind of thinking that would make me vote for you.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sybil: That's one vote for lobsters down pants. I'm on my way . . .

Gorilla Bananas said...

You got to admire the accuracy of their pinching. The testicles would have been an easier target, but they managed to clip his tubes. He should be grateful to them.

radioactive girl said...

I am a huge fan of natural consequences, I feel like they teach a person way better than any kind of random punishment. I bet that punishment worked better than anything anyone could have thought up for that guy! And what the heck would someone be thinking to put a lobster down their pants???? I can't even imagine that thought process.

Michael5000 said...

Damn, I shelled out 900 bucks for mine. I wish I'd read this first.