Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Terrible Blog Topics Jotted Down at the Bar the Other Night . . .

. . . in no particular order

1. My buddy Night Train was wondering why we have v-necks for better boob viewing when there are clearly two boobs to be seen.  Hence, why not w-neck shirts?  Be looking for that at Banana Republic very soon.

2. My other buddy Southie was talking about the plain-Jane-looking girl on 90210 that worked at the school paper with Brandon, the one that was really like 35-years-old when they started filming, and I thought for sure I heard Southie say "rape through it."  He didn't, but then we said rape through it 19 times through out the evening.  No, rape isn't funny, but the phrase was cracking us up because, well, we know each other well enough to know none of us are rapists.
"Ooh!  I know the phrase for that!"
 3. Well, if you're still reading and not crafting your angry comment lambasting me for the last topic, let me know what you think about the next one: Why is it that Matt or Matthew is such a common name, yet so few Black people are named it?  The Chicago Bears have Matt Forte, but then we were stumped.  Little help?

"You were expecting maybe LaShawn?"
4. We were all agreed that Beyonce is a super crappy choice for the Super Bowl Halftime Show, and there should be more rock bands doing it.  My prediction right here at the Gancer is that it will be the reunited 3/4 of Led Zeppelin playing it next year.  Them or Huey Lewis and the News (fingers crossed).
"Let me know when it is, once again, hip to be square."
 5. How come no one at the bar is skilled in the art of reading lips, but when we see Tom Belichick, coach of the New England Patriots, say "fucking bullshit," we all know exactly what he said?  Everyone knows how to read potty mouth lips!  I guess the lesson here is that if you're worried about someone far away reading your lips but you want to let someone know what you think of them who is in earshot, do so with unconventional disgusting phrases like "purple headed yogurt slinger" or "hatchet wound." 

3 comments:

Mr. Shife said...

I hate to break it to you Swanny but I am a black man. I have been catfishing you for years. My name is really Matt Shifley but I am as black as Luol Deng. Plus if any other famous athletes come along with Matthew in the name it will be JaMatthew or LaMatthew anyway. Wow. I think I just came off as a complete racist in my comment.

Cocaine Princess said...

RE: "Let me know when it is, once again, hip to be square."

You'll always be hip in my book, Kenneth!

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: Luol is certainly Black. He was playing very hurt tonight. We had to rely on some unlikely heroes. Bulls!

Cocaine: Awww, thanks. Long live Huey!