Saturday, November 15, 2014

How Not To Relieve Midterms Stress

Sometimes when you don't have a blog topic you find yourself leafing through news stories: LeBron scores 40 for a Cleveland win, Kim Kardashian is naked in a magazine and her butt is still alarmingly big, European astronauts collected samples from a comet, and blah, blah, blah.  Then suddenly a news item is sent down from the bestiality gods: Fresno State student has sex with a sheep.

The student drank a lot of booze and was stressed about his computer engineering midterms, and ended up getting busted screwing a sheep and going to jail.  Big tests coming up when you are unprepared can be stressful, but a more productive means of reducing stress would be to study more.  I got pretty desperate in college, both for passing classes and having sex, but in neither case did sleeping with farm animals ever occur to me.  Furthermore, drinking too much isn't a good defense for banging a sheep because at no point in any stage of drunkenness have I known anyone to consider sheep sex.  Dropping standards a little, sure, but not switching species.  Now you're just a crazy person.

How would you feel if you spent your hard earned money to send your son off to college, and he never calls.  Hurts a little, right?  Then you finally get a call from Fresno, but it's the Fresno Police Department.  And they tell you that your son was just caught having sexual intercourse with a sheep.  That's a hard one to swallow.  Sure, we all experimented sexually in college. . . But not with animals!  Better get that engineering degree, son.  And change your name.  And get some therapy.  And move to the city so you're far away from any farm-related temptations.  And wash your wiener.  Gross.  

What do you make of all this sheep sex, readers?  Or anyone else have a wild (but not sick and wrong) weekend planned?  Anyone have a crazy story from their carefree college days that they want to share?

4 comments:

Jimmy Fungus said...

Apparently humans have been having secks with the sheep for eons. Though it was mostly lonely shepherds. This guy has no excuse. And he might as well drop out of college now..who's gonna hire someone convicted of boinking a sheep?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Sheep-shagging is a very common lampoon directed against the Welsh and others, possibly because there are many documented cases of it. Obviously this student was very sexually frustrated, but did he have enough money to pay for a hooker? If so, he should do time.

b.burjan said...

i bet he felt kinda sheepish about the whole incident.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jimmy: True. Sheep boinking is tough to live down. But funny to say!

Gorilla: Sheep shagging! Gorillas never resort to that sort of thing.

Burjan: For sure. Sheepish and deathly horny.