Saturday, January 28, 2017

Roll Call

Okay, let's get after a blog in the moments this kid takes a nap.

So a package arrived recently that was covered in Chinese writing, and the only English on there was my address and my son's name. As I opened the package I noticed that it was expanding. A giant plush stuffed elephant was mashed in there! Erik seemed to really like it, but first I had to spray it down to remove any SARS or bird flu.

There was no note inside, and my attempts to post a picture of it on Facebook did not yield any results as to who sent the unusual gift. I believe there were close to 100 comments and "likes," so that's 100 suspects eliminated. I figure if I ask the countless readers of this blog for some resolution, that's another . . . seven suspects I can cross off the list. I'm faced with the sad realization that the mystery of the adorable stuffed elephant has been moved into the cold case files and may never be solved.

You know those parents that post a million pictures a day of their kid? Well, we post a lot of them, but we are not under the impression that he is the cutest kid of all time in every single picture. Take this one that Mrs. Noisewater took of him at the doctor's office a while back, for example.

This morning we had Baby Erik in bed with us, and Mrs. Noisewater was doing roll calls. Remember that?

Sha-Booya! Sha-Sha-Sha-Booya Roll call!
His name is Erk (Yeah!)
And he's super cute (Yeah!)
Sometimes he fart (Yeah!)
And sometimes he poot (Roll call!)

But then I tried to do one about Mrs. Noiswater bringing back pastries from the bakery when she got back from the gym.

Sha-Booya! Sha-Sha-Sha-Booya Roll call!
Her name is Mommy (Yeah!)
She brings daddy a danish (Yeah!)
She didn't like "The Phantom" (Yeah!)
Said it's too Billy Zane-ish (Roll Call!)

Mrs. Noisewater and I are going out for a "romantical" night at a fancy-pants restaurant and overnight at a hotel downtown. It will be the first night the two of us have been away from our boy overnight. My first drink (and let's be honest, my first time going number 2) without worrying about a baby waking up will be for you, my beloved Seven Readers.


mistress maddie said...

OH MG GOD....Erik is so adorable!!!! I wish I could take credit for sending such a lovely gift, as I too love elephants, but alas, I did not send it. You seriously don't know who sent it??? Meanwhile...."a "romantical" night at a fancy-pants restaurant and overnight at a hotel downtown." Does this mean baby Noisewater #2 is coming soon??????

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mistress Maddie: You were a prime suspect too. This narrows my search slightly. Hahaha. There will be the baby-making process happening tonight, but we will take measures to make sure Baby Erik's little brother or sister (hopefully sister!) doesn't get start growing in there quite yet.

Exile on Pain Street said...

The baby pics were inevitable. I was wondering what took so long. Who's going to watch him while you guys are pouring booze down your gullets?

#mistress: Number two?!?! Good heavens! Give them time to catch their breaths. And poor Mrs. Noisewater. She'll have her hands full and won't have time for morning sickness.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Exile: Mrs. Noisewater's mom is in town with us for 3 months to help with the baby. She is has been such a great help, and she will be watching the boy tonight. And thanks for looking out on delaying the second baby launch for a little while. : )

Gorilla Bananas said...

Do you laugh at Erik after he farts? OK it's pretty funny, but it should also make you feel guilty because he doesn't get the joke. I once felt guilty after laughing at a cat that farted.

LL Cool Joe said...

I read an article in the newspaper recently about people receiving random gifts from China and having no idea how they got them. They did give an explanation but I forgot what it was! Sorry, not much help.

Nice blog btw!

Kono said...

Baby pics rule man, i was once the biggestbaddestmuthafucka in North Oakland and then one day i was staring at baby pics, might as well get to work on #2, it's a few years of diapers and then you're done, i'd have the boyos closer together but Kid A was such a pain in the ass i had to pause, that said i got to change diapers for six years straight, at least you'll cut some time off that.

E. Rosewater said...

sounds like the universe is unfolding as it should, almost time for erik to get a baby brother.

Mr. Shife said...

Hope the night out went well. It's really amazing what you take for granted after a little dude becomes your roommate. Good luck with the elephant mystery.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: I do laugh at his farts. Sometimes he is suddenly frustrated, yells, and lets out a frustration fart. I laugh at those for sure, but then I do feel a little guilty, as you say.

Cool Joe: Thanks for coming by. I did have some conspiracy theories when nobody claimed giving him the elephant. My mind went to some dark oriental places.

Kono: I have actually told a couple of people what you said in this comment about just getting through both babies in a quicker period. It does make a lot of sense. Just tough it out for those couple years and get through it.

Rosewater: Yes. Or sister. Or maybe just a hamster.

Shife: The night out with Mommy Noisewater was pretty elegant and awesome. Thanks!

UPDATE FOR ALL: The great elephant mystery has finally been solved. Mrs. Noisewater was talking to a friend from San Diego who works at the zoo, and the friend says, "So, did Erik like the gift I sent?" Mrs. Noisewater said, "Wait, was the gift a giant stuffed elephant?" Yes! We can all now rest at ease. Thanks for your help, blog buddies.

harada57 said...
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