Sunday, February 26, 2017

1. Here is the vicious cycle I go through when I'm watching my son during the day and he won't fall asleep for a nap:

"Jesus, Lord would you just go the F to sleep already! I can't take this crying any more. Even if you just sleep for 30 minutes, I know like 8 things I could get done really quick before you get up. Wait, he is rubbing his ears - this is good. Those blinks are getting slower and slower - this is very good. And there, eyes closed. Okay, I'll just set him down slowly like Indiana Jones changing out that sand for the artifact thing or whatever the heck was going on there . . . Now slip my arm out without jostling his head too much. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, he's out."

"I love that boy. He's just the cutest. I can't wait until he wakes up again so I can play with him."


2. Mrs. Noisewater and I are collecting all the good Disney movies on Blu-Ray so that Erik can watch them some day, but mostly so her and I can watch them on rainy afternoons. Believe or not, Mrs. Noisewater has never seen the original cartoon "Jungle Book." She has only seen the live action version, which wasn't too bad, but you can't beat the original. It has the classic songs "Bear Necessities," "I Wanna Be Like You," and then at the very end you hear what I would argue is the worst damn song in any animated film in the history of the world: "My Own Home."

This is the song Mogli overhears a little girl singing as she fetches water from a stream for her family. The lyrics are her saying that now she is getting water, but some day she will be cooking for everyone in the safety of her own home, sending some other poor sap little girl to fend off wild jungle snakes to get the water. It is not unlike when Louie Anderson is talking about the fast food progression of washing the lettuce up through the two year grind to make that assistant manger position in "Coming To America."

Also, I can't help but think that the song is a little sexist with all those gender roles. This is not the most empowering female character either. Also, (SPOILER ALERT) I always hated her for being the jezebel temptress drawing the man-cub Mogli out of the jungle and into the life of those darned villagers. His boys Balu, Bagheera, and whatever the vulture guys names are got in a scrap with the most feared tiger in the jungle and nearly died for him, only for Mogli to split on his jungle friends the minute he sees his first potential piece of ass. I took that hard as a kid. I grew up early with a bro's before ho's mentality. Never mind what I said a minute ago about what is and is not sexist if I'm going to be tossing out the phrase bro's before ho's, but it's just funny to say goofy things like that about Disney films. Wait, I made reference to a cartoon girl as a "piece of ass" too. Okay, I'm messed up.

3. One last thing. We have noticed that Erik is much more likely to fall asleep with me than he is with Mrs. Noisewater. The problem is that when she is holding him, he burrows into her boobs looking for milk whether he is hungry or not. I told her not to take offense that he doesn't want to just snuggle and sleep with her because who could fall asleep at a 24-hour buffet? If I'm trying to sleep at the Sizzler, I'd be like, "Okay, I am stuffed to the gills. Let's get some shut eye. Oh snap, are they putting out the breakfast stuff already? I think I can get down some biscuits and gravy even if I'm completely bloated. Because . . . Biscuits and gravy. Am I right or am I right? Or maybe a better analogy is like when my buddies and I hung out at the Taco Bell for hours-and-hours, filling up our soda cups with endless cups of Mountain Dew. Either way, I don't fault my boy for indulging himself.

See you next time, friends. You go and Indulge yourself in something good too.


mistress maddie said...

Now that was an entertaining read. Sounds like Erik may wearing you out and making you sleep better,lol!!!!! My friends with kids say the same. Takes forever to get them down, but once they are, they then are like, oh it's so quite I wish he'd wake up so we can play again.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Y'know I'd forgotten about about that little girl's song at the end of The Jungle Book. It just isn't in the same league as the golden trio (don't forget Ka's 'Trust in Me'). It was fascinating to hear the dialogue in Hindi, the native language of India. Did you notice Mowgli say 'aik minute' which means 'one minute'? Very common hybrid English/Hindi hybrid expression - if you said that to an Indian guy you'd put a big smile on his face. I never blamed Mowgli for chasing the girl - was he supposed to die a virgin. As for little Erik, I think he's going to be a boob man!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Try driving him around to get him to fall asleep. Don't resort to medication. And DO NOT let him sleep in your bed. It's tempting because it works but it creates a whole new problem.

Okay. Sermon over.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mistress: It's true. When you come over to his crib in the morning and he's smiling up at you - it's just awesome.

Gorilla: I never noticed Mowgli slipping into Hini. What part? I didn't expect Mowgli to spend his whole life in the jungle, but he doesn't even give a proper goodbye to his friends that risked their lives for him. He just gives a stupid lovestruck nod and walks into the village with the bucket on his head - immediately pussy whipped and abandoning his friends. A bad example for little boys out there.

Unbearable: Hey, thanks for coming by. I'll be dropping by your page to return the favor. He does pass out when we drive a car or push him in the stroller, but if you rely on that then they will always want that movement for sleep. No medication for sure. Daddy hogs all the sleeping pills and vodka for himself (just kidding). I must admit Erk weasels his way into bed sometimes, but that will stop when we are no longer breast feeding. That feeding when he wakes up an hour before we have to get up for work often ends up the breakfast in bed and try to get another hour of sleep for ourselves.

Mr. Shife said...

Welcome to parenthood. It is the greatest when they do take that nap and you can get stuff done. Good job on collecting the movies. Just make sure you also have some digital copies because it's easier hauling around a tablet than a DVD player and all of the movies. Take care buddy.

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