I Never Met a Zombie I Didn't Like

Was it Roy Rogers who said, “I never met a zombie I didn’t like?” I tend to agree. If a flesh eating zombie were gnawing at my arm right now as I type, I’d be in excruciating pain and scared for my life, and scared that I too would become a zombie and try to eat my roommates, but I couldn’t help but look down at his glazed over eyes and rotting flesh and I’d smile.

I can’t say for sure when my love affair with zombies started, but I’m sure it had to do with watching Night of the Living Dead on PBS every Halloween. There was something about watching those people run away from zombies and bash them in the heads with blunt objects that made me want to have a gaggle of them after me. I think it has to do with the fact that due to their dimwitted nature and lack of speed and agility, I can’t help but think I’d stand a chance against them. If Freddy Krueger wanted to kill me, he’d have no problem. He has all kinds of super powers and trickery. However, I believe since I’m still relatively young and in decent shape, I think I could hold out for quite some time with numerous flesh eating zombies after me, and I might even take a few down with me.

I thought about these lovable silver screen stars when I was watching Sean of the Dead the other day. I went into my kitchen to get something, it could have been peanuts, my roommate’s Captain Crunch, it’s not important right now, but I was hoping against hope that as I turned the corner I’d be face to face with a real life zombie! Because I’ve watched enough of these movies to know that the only way to kill one is to get to their brains, I was thinking I’d take the thing that screws in the paper towel roll in the paper towel holder and I’d stick it dead center into his forehead. At least I think that would do the trick. Well, until that glorious day when I see my first zombie, and he meets his end with a perfectly delivered paper towel thingy, I’ll have to settle for the movie versions. Here’s my favorite zombie flicks.

1. 28 Days Later: This was directed by the guy who directed Trainspotting, so it’s almost like a zombie art film! I can watch this movie 100 times. It’s very well done.

2. Night of the Living Dead: You can’t go wrong with the original. The acting is SO BAD, but I heard the people weren’t even actors. Kudos to the bald guy who repeatedly insists on trying to talk everyone into going into the cellar with his zombie daughter. Great idea!

3. Dawn of the Dead (The remake): As much I love the slow moving, groaning zombies of yester year, I have to admit that the updated fast as hell ones, like in 28 Days and Dawn of the Dead, are much scarier. Watch the scene when they’re pointing out zombies that look like celebrities and picking them off from the rooftop.