Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Notion as Innovative as It Is Ambitious

Today during a lunch break at work, some coworkers were talking about a big, fat woman who I thankfully have never had to work with. Not that I have nothing against overweight people, but what sounds downright brutal about this chick is that she talks about her infections (of the urinary AND yeast variety, the leather teddies her husband buys for her, and all sorts of other gross details you wouldn't want to hear from ANYONE, let alone a great, big fat lady. One coworker, who is always getting off awesome one-liners, leaned in and delivered a sound bite that made me damn near shoot root beer out my nose clear across the room, and then he immediately left to 'keep 'um wanting more.' The line was as follows:

"If you wanted to begin to figure out how to lay a woman like that you'd have to throw flour all over her and look for the wet spot."

12 comments:

Steph said...

You haven't heard that one before?
Lol, it's still funny.
I hate TMI people. Keep that nasty shit to yourself woman!

classyandfancy said...

Oh, you know you so want her! A friend's husband once said to her in the grocery store, "Why in the world would you use Monistat 7 instead of Monistat 1?" Good question, righ? Maybe you could ask your lady friend this?

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Steph: I'm new to this phrase, but I think it's going into my rotation.

Classy: I always wondered what the 7 was for . . . Maybe it's like Heines 57 ketchup. Monistat got their shit right in 50 less tries. I guess dry french fries isn't as dire of an emergency as an itchy snatch.

Cherry Ride said...

Oh, the old "fat woman flour" joke. It's a classic.

With this woman in particular between the flour and the yeast infections she could make bread!

[budump-bump!]

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Cherry: Wow, you've heard that too? Sorry I'm bringing nothing new to the table here, but that shit cracked me up.

kb said...

new (and funny) to me. you're not the only one.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

KB: I'm glad someone had not heard it. I'm still laughing. I think what made it great was I was the only one to hear it, and everyone else was cluelessly listening to me convulse with laughter.

trinity67 said...

At a previous job, I had been working with one women for oh say a month when she chose to loudly confide in me about how worred she was in getting a deathly nut allergic reaction from her boyfriend's sperm.

Gaack.

andy said...

If it makes you feel better, I hadn't heard that before.

And when I did, I nearly puked, wet myself, and then immediately felt a strong need for KFC. hmm...

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Andy: The good thing about KFC is that when you do, in fact, puke, you have a bucket for which to do so. Are you Andy like my roommate Andy?

Ms Smack said...

Maybe suggest she has her own zip code to your colleague next time and see if you can repay the giggle :)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

It's a thought . . .