Saturday, September 22, 2007

Raw Jello

I was riding home from work, with my iPod on random, and out of all 7,000 songs that could have popped up on this afternoon, No One is To Blame by Howard Jones Came on. I instantly wanted to eat raw, powdery, sweet, sugary, jello right out of the box.

Let me explain, since anyone who says something that recockulous had better well explain his or herself:

When I was in the 9 to 10 years of age division on my swim team, we'd eat raw sugar during meets, because someone, somewhere along the line must have told us that it gave you energy, which somehow made you swim faster. I was skeptical, since I was a skeptical kid (the Easter Bunny was bullshit to me by the time I was four), but I suspended my disbelief for any excuse to eat a box full of colored sugar. Hell, it would stick to your hands and make your fingers all red, then you'd wipe your face and hands with your towel. Fucking decadent.

Anyway, for whatever reason, my brain has a decades-long, lasting, Pavlovian response to Howard Jones, which makes me want to pour gelatin in powdered form down my throat, which may make me choke and cough a little, but sweet, sweet, sugar-burning, choking coughs. I can't say that I listened to HoJo at swim meets, ate raw jello while listening to his Brit-synth pop stylings, or at any time combined all three elements, but I'll be damned if I didn't want to, the second the song came on, want to pull my piece of shit Camry into the Wallgreens, walk up in that piece, find a box of jello, lick my dirty, little finger, and lick me up some strawberry, jello powder.

How's about you, seven readers? Anyone out there have a knee-jerk response to a song they'd like to share for the other six readers?


Anonymous said...

Boys of Summer = drink a beer. Actually, lots of songs = drink a beer.

Scary Monster said...

It would have been a lot more fun to dump a dozen or so boxes of jello into the pool and swim around in it.

The first few bars of "We are the Champions" will cause me to do either fo the following: leave the room, hit the "next track button" or yell at the top of Me lungs just to cover up the inanity that is soon to follow.

Anonymous said...

I remember that Howard Jones song. I was 10 and like you, I was doing a lot of swimming in pools for swim class ( I was getting my certificates). But the eating jelly out of the box came about a year after my howard jones/swim class era. That was in year 6 and it was a trend that the entire school community went though - taking boxes of the stuff and sharing it around in lunch hours.

hahah! good memories...

my song that gives me a knee jerk reaction is Love and Other Bruises by Air Supply. It takes me back to being in Mum and Dad's Datsun 180B in the back seat with my annoying little brother, cruising around mountains and wishing I could open the car door and fly out the side, never to hear that music again.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I can't think of any songs, but when I was a kid I used to eat Crisco right out of the can. Never learned how to swim though.

Airam said...

From now on I'm replacing ridickulous with recockulous. I love it.

There aren't any songs that make me want to eat stuff but there are songs that make me want to rip my arm off and beat the [radio, stereo] with it because I hate it so much.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Anon: I have a lot of songs that make me want to drink, but the one that is a trigger the likes of which David Crosby probably gets is Booze Me Up and Get Me High by Ween.

Who is this anonymous reader? Thanks for coming by, anon!

Scary: I love We Are the Champions, but I don't care for We Will Rock You, except for the solo.

Boobzilla: I know a handful of Air Supply songs, but not that one. They're Australian right? I'm a little ashamed to say I'm a sucker for Even the Nights.

Dyk: Raw crisco gives you energy too. Fat energy, which is unstoppable.

Airam: Jeez, I'm opinionated about music, but never have I ripped off a limb to make a point. I've been close though.

Drunken Chud said...

man i have a ton of em.

nickleback "never again" actually sends me into a rage and makes me want to fight the nearest asshole.

matchbox 20 "if you're gone" used to drive me into a depression, now it just makes me think of her fondly.

outkast "miss jackson" makes me want to go on a 24 hour drinking bender and play strip euchre with a bunch of female friends.

nitty gritty dirt band "fishin in the dark" makes me want to perform cunnilingus on the nearest skinny blonde. (odd, i know, but this is pavlovian)

deep blue something "breakfast at tiffany's" just does something weird to me. it makes me want to dance and sing and drink. i love the song for some reason, and i know not why.

anyhow, there's more, but i just can't recall them all.

BottleBlonde said...

Mmmmmmm jello mix.

What was your best stroke? And don't say, the breaststroke. (have I asked you this question before? I feel a little deja vu comin' on)

Every time I hear R.E.M.'s Everybody Hurts, I cry like a baby. I don't know why, but that song makes me want to slit my wrists ... yet I love it so.

RevRee said...

First of all, I hope your fingers aren't "little"

Second, whenever I hear "Life is a Highway" (1992) by Tom Cochrane... It makes me want to go "stoop the loop back in my home town...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Chudly: Have you ever noticed that nothing rhymes in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Bottle: Breast stroking is a strong suit of mine. I know you told me not to make a joke like that, but you know there was no stopping it. Actually, I was a mean backstroker, but that backwards flip turn always discombobulated me.

Rev: My fingers are on the bigger side I would say. I'm 6'2". I remember you have that hand thing. I'm coughing into my big ol' hands right now . . . You all will have to go by Rev's site to read about her men with colds fetish.

Drunken Chud said...

while i never noticed that about the hook, the verses actually have a rhyme scheme. though, an unnatural one at best. first verse depending on if you count "common" and "from" as a rhyme would go


the latter being the rhyme scheme of the second verse as well. though, rhyming a word with the same word does seem like phoning it in... i still like it. heh.

carolyn says said...

Hello by Lionel Richie turns me into an interpretive dance creating 8 year old again. That song has a special kind of genius even before you see the video.

classyandfancy said...

"Little Red Corvette" makes me want to rollerskate in the garage.

Diesel said...

Anything by Foghat makes me want to jam pencils into my ears. I don't think that's really the same kind of thing though.

zen wizard said...

Everytime I hear "I'm In Luv Wit a Stripper," by T-Pain, I want to put a dollar in the nearest stripper's G-string.

I wonder where THAT is coming from?

ReckenRoll said...

Everytime I hear Fleetwood Mac I want to go on a road trip - just get in my car and drive the hell out of town. Does that count?

As far as food, I got nuthin.

ADW said...

I can't hear "Heaven Let Your Liht Shine Down" without going into severe shock. This is a great idea for a post. Thanks.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Chud: Nice effort! Break it on down!

Carolyn: Do you close your eyes and sculpt people too?

Classy: "Baby you got to slow down" in that garage.

Zen: That's weird . . . Must be a subliminal message.

Reck: Fleetwood roadtrip, huh? Second Hand News, the first song off of Rumors, I can see being a road trip song. First song on a road trip disc perhaps. "Lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff." Something like that. Do my stuff . . .

adw: That song is brutal, but I have to admit I like that The World I Know song where the dude's on the roof in the video.

carolyn says said...

that's part of what makes the dance interpretive

Miss Smack said...

Hello sweet thing.

I have a couple, but off the top of my head, 'Time of your Life' by Greenday. After my 7 year r'ship split up (amicably), he said 'do you think this song relates to our marriage?" "i hope you had the time of your life" are among the lyrics and I said 'if it was that good, I'd still be there'

Every Rose has its Thorn reminds me of my first real boyfriend.

Ah, there are a few! Good post mate!

Mr. Shife said...

Wow HoJo really had a hold on you. What did you do when you heard Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard?

Laaw-yuhr said...

"Shoop" by Salt N' Peppa immediately takes me back to high school and white girls trying to rap.

you're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the back
Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that
(insert rhythm-less white girl dancing here)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Carolyn: That must really be something . . .

Smack: Very fine examples. Hey, do I get an invite back onto your site?

Shife: Went swimming. Weird, huh?

Laaw: "I'm not shy so I asked for the digits."

captain corky said...

Not really, but all of a sudden I want to take Jello shots, drink vodka and beer, and sing Karaoke.

Kadonkadonk said...

Sheryl Crow's My Favorite Mistake makes me want to call my ex boyfriend. Every.Time. God, what a douchebag. We only did one thing well...

Steph said...

They made you eat sugar? Lmao, that would be considered child abuse now.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

"Hungry Like the Wolf" immediately sends me back to high school and sex ed class from a priest (yes, that's right) who taught us that the woman moaning at th end of the song was having an orgasm. It was really pathetic and embarrassing to have a priest point out something we already knew, and might be the reason I'm gay.

Casey said...

Ace of Spades makes me want to jump a Ford truck into a creek.

Grad School Reject said...

Cherry Pie by Warrant makes me want to have sex with blonde women who have big jugs.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Korky: Sounds like on hell of an evening. Get a babysitter, and let's paint the town brown!

Kadonk: Don't let Sheryl Crow talk you into calling your ex. She doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. All she wants to do is have some fun, and that's all, by the sound of it, your ex liked to do.

Steph: I guess that did make it sound like the coaches made us eat the raw jello, but no, it was just something we heard was a good idea. Ask any swimmer, and I bet they did it as a kid.

Cherry: That goes to show you that he's never witnessed a live orgasm, only painful screams from alter boys. That was uncalled for!!

Casey: That's EXACTLY what that song makes me want to do. In fact, I'm putting that damn song on right now! "And don't forget the joker!!"

Grad: That's something I ALWAYS want to do, any time, any season, any weather. I don't need Jany Lane to tell me when to lay blonds with big chestesess

Legaleagle said...

Sorry I'm late!

Jimi Hendrix, Voodoo Child -- makes me think of my first year of college every time.

Ooh, and Cocaine by Eric Clapton makes me think of this seedy litte hole in the wall bar that I used to throw beers at.

Ahhh, memories.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Legal: Wait, did you literally throw beers at the bar? Do you mean you'd stand outside and chuck beers at it, or do you mean that while inside you'd indiscriminately throw beers around the room? Either way, Cocaine would be the perfect accompaniment to such an act.