Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The A Team

At my summer job, there's nothing worse than biking all the way out there to find that I will be working a shift with coworkers who are lazy, dumb, uninteresting, and dangerous combinations of all three. The other day I was thrilled to see that all the kids I would be working with were not only good at what they do, but all funny and a good time. Whoever makes the schedule will never allow for that much awesomeness in one shift ever again, but for those eight hours we were a crack team of vigilantes. We were . . . The A Team.


Sgt. Bosco "Bad Attitude" B.A. Baracus: The part of Mr. T's famouse character would be played by our only African American working that day, and although she's a girl, she has the bad attitude, Mr. Baracus' namesake, in spades. Her 'tude isn't mean spirited, but she most certainly doesn't take any crap. She's someone I can count on to handle her BIZZ-NAZZ. Perhaps I should ask her if she's willing to try a new hairstyle (Mohawk) and wear a little more jewelry (just 50 pounds worth or so).


Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: The all important, wise cracking craziness of Murdock was handled masterfully by a witty, young photographer from Indiana. He's always saying something off the wall and most of the time he's funny as shit. He was telling me the other day that his father works at a prison, teaching inmates valuable skills, and he (his dad) loves pussy. To me, that sounded like his old man was chasing women and cheating on his mother, so I said, "You mean he loves all pussy, like he cheats, or he's faithful and just loves your mom's pussy." He replied, "Just my mom's pussy I suppose," and as he said it I could hear the crack in his voice having just been tricked into talking about his father's love for his mother's pussy.


Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: The heartbreaking love machine Face was portrayed by none other than perhaps the finest Irishman I've ever known. He worked with us a couple of summers ago, and now he's back for another go. He's a sweet kid, a real gentleman, but like most every summer help Irish kid I've known over the years, he aims to land as much American tail as humanly possible, making him perfect for the role.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: This is where I come in. Although I don't smoke cigars, I am the oldest, I have been working there the longest, and like George Peppard, I too love it when a plan comes together. I was a happy man that day because plans were coming together like a muthafucka.

How's about you, seven readers? What role(s) of any movie or TV Show do you or any of your coworkers fill?

Also, if you have a moment, swing by starpulse to see a piece I did that just went live today: The Top 10 Least Intimidating Professional Wrestlers of All Time.

35 comments:

Zen Wizard said...

The Bob Newhart Show--I am the psychiatrist and I tell everyone else why they are batshit.

When I need help I call on my sidekick, Dr. Peter Bonerz.

(Why on earth did that actor not change his name??)

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

First off "The part of Mr. T's famouse character would be played by our only African American working that day" made me crack the fuck up!

As a kid I always wanted my friends and I to be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And even at a young age I was drawn towards being Donatello... the scientist amongst them. From way back then, I was already molding into the dork-geek-nerd that I am today.

Falwless said...

I'm Rose Nyland, but way dumber. The Golden Girls are the shit.

Drunken Chud said...

most of the time at work i feel like it's an episode of life goes on... on crack. in that i am the father and there about 3-4 corkys running around.

The Charming Hedonist said...

The closest we get to Mr. T is the guy who delivers office supplies. He wears enough jewelry that we've dubbed it his "Mr. T starter kit."

As for me, I can't immediately think of a character who does everything....

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
5 of 9er said...

That's a lot of deleting above me. What's up with that? I liked the A-Team until the episode where they made a cannon that shot cabbages. That was way lame.

classyandfancy said...

The deleted comment thread & your reply is curious. Were you pissed off at your readers not commenting?Anyway . . . I would say Captain Planet.

Kadonkadonk said...

I'm totally Punky Brewster - big tits and all!!

And what is it that is so damn appealing about an Irish accent?

Kadonkadonk said...

HEY! WHERE DID MY COMMENT GO?!

Cian said...

You can't spell "Face" without "ace". That's my contribution.

classyandfancy said...

Test one two one two to the three four . . . My work is like Captain Planet, except no leader in tights (at least not in public).

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

First off, there was something F'd up going on with the blogger server, so some people's comments may be buried in here. I'll respond to the ones I can see.

Zen: Perter Bonerz is an AWESOME name, especially if you're a well-hung porn actor.

360: Someone had to be the science nerdy one.

Fawl: I'm more like Blanch cause I'm an old slut.

Chud: That's a lot of Corky. Hey, does the song Life Goes On suck if you knew it before the show? I, sadly, did not, and I know for a fact I hate that song. Actually, I heard that Lennon hated it, and they fought about it like crazy during the recording of the White Album.

Clum: I want a starter kit!

9: What is lame about a cabbage cannon? That kicks ass!

Classy: You ARE Captain Planet! That show was too environmentally conscious for me. I was more of a Voltron guy. Voltron hated recycling.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

9

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

9

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

9

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

9

Grant Miller said...

The cast of "Cop Rock."

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I pity the fool who wasted time reading this post.

Jenni said...

Hmmmm...I would aspire to liken myself to "Blair" from the Facts of Life, but I am probably more realistically like her cousin "Jerry."

Oh yes, I went there...Such an asshole.

pistols at dawn said...

I don't watch enough TV to have a TV group of chums, so how about some movie where everyone dies in the end, because I'm too lazy to assign roles?