Sunday, August 17, 2008

Dio Decision '08

My sister called me the other night, and she wanted to settle an argument about who sang Rainbow in the Dark. Being a bit of a savant in the area of rock knowledge, I often find myself in an argument settler positions. You'd think this would annoy me, but quite the contrary; I love putting this otherwise useless knowledge to good use. I was quick to tell her that it was none other than Dio, fronted by Ronnie James Dio, who performed that lovely slice of 80's metal. I then tried to tell her some more fun facts like he's really, really short, so the video was shot up at him to create an illusion of tallness, and that Ronny brought the hand devil sign (throwing metal) into the culture of heavy metal. She then tried to act like she had more pressing matter to attend to, so that I'd stop throwing out rock fun facts at her. In her defense, I could have went on all night about RJD.

This got me thinking about a blog I meant to do a long time ago, but it got shelved. There are literally hundreds of these shelved topics, and it takes an event like my sister's phone call to make them a reality because there are no "shelves" outside of the recesses of my loony little brain. The topic is this: What is the better Ronny James Dio Song - Rainbow in the Dark or Holy Diver.

My roommate and I got in a heated debate about it. I won't say who is on which side, so that I don't sway the votes in either direction. I will say that one of us drunkenly blew his voice out in a casino trying to belt out one of these numbers with his tragically non RJD-like voice.

Below you will find the two youtube videos. Please watch both for as long as you can stomach, and even if you think that heavy metal music is all rubbish, and even if you think rock n' roll is noise polution, please pick one song or the other. Try not to be too heavily influenced by the piss poor production of the videos because it is the song that we're trying to assess here. I know, picking between these two for some of you will be like picking between root canal or a prostate exam, but you must pick one.

Holy Diver. Ronny sure knows how to brandish a big ass sword, and how about that twitching, dying guy at around 3:40. Now that's metal!

Rainbow in the Dark. Concept: Dio and his bandmates are coming with a little too much metal for this square to handle.


Perhaps this one should have remained shelved, but we've come this far, so cast your votes in the comments, seven readers. Let's settle this age old (one year) debate between countless (two idiots) people.

41 comments:

Helen Mansfield said...

Wow. This has been eye opening. I never realized until this moment that there is nothing "metal" about "Rainbow in the Dark." I never much cared for the song, and now I know why.

If you take away RJD's vocals, the song is pure pop drivel. Reminds me of that tune that came out a couple of years ago by The Verve, "Bittersweet Symphony." The video for "Rainbow in the Dark" wants to be so much more than it is. I watch it in anticipation of getting "Rick Rolled."

"Holy Diver." Wow, not that shit rawks, as we metal heads say. Church in ruins, big ass sword ... as the boys from Dethklock would say "brutal."

Coconut said...

I have to go with Rainbow In The Dark. I liked the video, it reminded me of a twisted Mentos commercial.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Helen: Instead of Rick Rolling, what about Dio Dialing?

Nut: Twisted Mentos commercial is dead on. Hahhahahhaa

Oooooh, one vote for each! This is going to be a nail biter down to the dio finish.

Drunken Chud said...

first of all i think i just fell in love helen.

oh, and helen, did you know that the verve doesn't get any royalties from symphony? apparently they sampled the rolling stones "the last time", and slowed it down a bit. the record company owning the rights sued for 100% royalties after renigging on a 50/50 split. yeah, the verve was pissed.

and ken... oh ken... how can this be put to question? there is nothing metal about rainbows. dio is the only man alive that could even attempt to make it seem metal. but, in the end, holy divers are all metal. ALLL METAL.

Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean
Oh don't you see what I mean

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Chudly: It is true about The Verve. If only that guy got paid by the square inch of his adam's apple. That was mean . . .

That puts holy diver out in the lead.

SCORE:

Holy Diver: 2
Rainbow in the Dark: 1

radioactive girl said...

Are we judging the songs or the videos? Based on the song, I choose Holy Diver. Based on the video, I'm not sure.

pistols at dawn said...

Oh, this is easy as hell. First of all, it's Ronnie, not "Ronny." Bush league.

Secondly, Rainbow in the Dark is awesome for far more of the song than "Holy Diver," which features like 50 seconds of intro wind noises that always pisses me off. Sure, the chorus is awesome, but that terrible synth and Ronnie's giving-it-his-all vocal take make it the far more enjoyable tune.

pistols at dawn said...

And since I lost the "referring to actual songs," I meant Diver's chorus is awesome, but the latter two things make Rainbow better.

Plus, it's a metal dude trying to make singing about Rainbows tough.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Radio: As I said, we're basing it on the song, so I'll cast your vote for Diver. Thanks!

Pistols: That was a convoluted, "bush league" response, but I gather that you're voting for Rainbow. Done. Thanks!

SCORE
Holy Diver: 3
Rainbow in the Dark: 2

Zen Wizard said...

Strangely this is the second time this has come up today, but a roommate I had in the Eighties was Ronnie James Dio's accountant.

Kadonkadonk said...

That first part of Holy Diver is B-O-R-I-N-G. But overall, the video is better. As songs, apparently I am a lo-WHO-ser, because I like them both....

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Zen: That is interesting to be sure, but not a vote!

Donk: Nor was that a vote! Pick one, darn it!

Kadonkadonk said...

FINE. Holy Diver.

Zen Wizard said...

*Sigh*

This guy is not my cup of tea.

I do remember the album cover with the demon or whatever throwing the Episcopal priest in the water.

What was up with that?

Zen Wizard said...

I had to listen to these on Imeem.com since my firewall blocks youtube.

The "Holy Diver" had a one-minute intro (!?). On the positive side, it was covered by Pat Boone.

I must admit that "Rainbow in the Dark" is commercial. However, this guy creeps me out. I am not sure exactly why.

neill said...

i loved "rainbow in the dark" when i was 16. i'm not sure what the hell was wrong with me.

Helen Mansfield said...

I am totally honored to have been the first one to have posted on this one, and to have won the heart of Chud.

The Verve. Sheesh. They gets whats theys deserves, those Oasis-wanna-be ass ponies ...

And I am down with Coconut; "Rainbow" is a warped Mentos commercial.

Michael5000 said...

It's amazing how lite 80s metal sounded, as soon as Nirvana appeared. Having said that, I'm gonna go with "Holy Diver" fer shur. It still pretty much rocks. "Rainbow" is a pop tune pretending to rock.

The "Diver" video is like watching Bob Geldof play D&D. The best moment of the "Rainbow" video is the chaste little kiss at the end of the rockin' sidewalk sexual frenzy.

Zen Wizard said...

I woke up thinking about that "Rainbow in the Dark" thing.

That is some catchy $#!T.

I still would not go out and BUY it, but...

The Sister said...

Rainbow in the Dark is a way better song. I didn't even know that other one existed.

(Both are pretty bad, though).

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

"Donk: That's the spirit! Thanks for committing to one.

Neil: So, is that a vote for Rainbow? Thanks for coming by!

Helen: Once you let Chud into your world he'll seep into your crown molding. I have no fucking idea what that means.

5000: That video is SO Dungeons and Dragons. I might do a post where people admit that they played D & D, and then prove it by stating a random fact, like trolls and vampires could regenerate hit points.

Zen: Ha!!! It got into your dome . . .

Gancey Sister: Oh, the other one existed all right, and it has the D & D video to prove it. Thanks for inspiring Dio Decision '08!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

SCORE:

We are knotted at 5 a piece! Neil said he liked the Rainbow when he was 16, and said nothing about the other song, so I counted that as a vote. That could prove controversial . . . Also, you'll notice Zen came back to say that Rainbow in the Dark was lodged in his head. Hahahhahahaha.

Holy Diver: 5
Rainbow in the Dark: 5

Heff said...

Coming from A TRUE METALHEAD, "Rainbow In The Dark" gets my vote. Holy Diver is great, but just not quite as catchy.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff, great picture, thanks for throwing your metal hat into the ring, and thanks for making this interesting by giving Rainbow in the Dark its first lead!

Rainbow in the Dark: 6
Holy Diver: 5

TOPolk said...

Holy Diver BY FAR.

Though I may be biased as I've heard the song for years and I "Rainbow.." is brand new to me. And while we're at it, Dio's version is lightyears better than the Killswitch Engage cover that's all over the radio.

Ugh. The discount cover that was in the first Guitar Hero was better than that one as well.

tnobes said...

I was pretty much split but then Sloop John B sent me an email totally unrelated mentioning Rainbow in the Dark. I will take that as a sign so that is my final vote.

Zen Wizard said...

We should probably get these jams to THIS LADY so she could do a kick-ass cover version!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Polk: Guitar Hero is bringing some serious rock to a younger generation. I caught my nephew singing Shout at the Devil the other day.

Nobes: Hahahha! Final answer?

Zen: Where did you find that chick? So funny!!!!

SCORE:

Each side just got another vote, making our totals . . .

Rainbow in the dark: 7
Holy Diver: 6

Zen Wizard said...

That was Chud's link.

That woman is a classic!

Definately Not Chud said...

man, totally gotta be holy diver.

Seriously this is not chud said...

dude, i'm with not chud man. holy diver is where that shit is at!

Drunken Chud said...

wow, thanks not chud, and srsly not chud. you guys are wicked awesome.

zen, way to spread the word of Wing.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Hahahhahaha!

What would my comment section be without Chud and Zen?

Drunken Chud said...

i don't know what you're talking about ken... are you accusing me of something????

Wil said...

Holy frickin' related avatar! As an absolute Dio maven, Rainbow In The Dark all the way.

The Trailer Of Love

Grant Miller said...

Back in college, the house I lived at held a party every weekend or so.

Whenever it got late and only the real drunks and stragglers were there and we wanted people to leave, we'd blast Dio. It always cleared the place out quickly.

Good times.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Chud: Not at all. Those must be new readers who are for sure not you.

Wil: Thanks for coming by and bringing that Dio mug of yours.

Grant: Don't you love clearing out a room? When I was trying to close the record store I'd put on Fantomas or Zillatron. You don't need to know what they are, just know that they'll clear a room. However, you didn't vote!

ALL VOTES ARE IN:
Rainbow in the Dark: 8
Holy Diver: 6

Now I can let you know where I stand. I have always thought Rainbow in the Dark is a way better song, and it was my roommate who loves the other one and blew his voice out screeching it in a casino.

I'm glad my jam won, and thanks to all who voted or just came by.

-Dr. Ken.

Zen Wizard said...

Okay--I am finally watching both of these at Kinko's.

"Rainbow in the Dark" is the clear winner.

(Lip-synching technology sure has come a long way since the Eighties, n'est-ce pas??)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Hey, Zen. I already tallied you up on the Rainbow side, and by that I don't mean that I think you're gay.

I love that you are watching Dio videos from my blog at Kinkos. That's so gangsta' . . .

Booya said...

If you are still taking votes, I would have to go with Holy Diver. Rainbow in the Dark is just a little poppy for me and a bit heavy on the keyboards. Not that it is a bad song, just kind of like starter Dio.

Plus Holy Diver has rats, a church that appears to be smoldering, a silhouette of the devil and fire. Come on, that’s metal gold!

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Booya. Better late than never. Rainbow wins 9 to 6 as it turns out. Looking back, I now get "Holy Diver" a little more because it's an awesome metal riff, but the vocal melody still doesn't kick quite like "Rainbow" to me. I still gotta go "Rainbow in the Dark." Actually, going to Genius playlist that one for a workout tomorrow . . .