Never Cook With Oxyclean; It Will Leave You Hollow Inside*

I signed the girlfriend and I up for one of those hands-on cooking classes because we both want to get into cooking more. What's cool about the one I found is that you can sip wine while you take the leaves off of stalks of Thyme and other bullshit tasks, and you get to eat everything when you're done - and everything was absolutely incredible.

Now, I don't blog about stuff like cooking, specifically. I'm here to tell you that there was a guy there who looked just like the guy from the Oxyclean commercials, he was every bit as intense, and thrice the asshole. First off, he stood across the island from his wife, which I suppose didn't have to be a sign that he was a fuck-o, but then he was throwing uncomfortable digs her way all night. I whispered to Gancey Girlfriend, "Oxyclean over there is a real butthole." She said, "Oxyclean, what the hell does that . . . (as she looked over) . . . oh yeah. He does look like that guy." I've always been good at spotting celebrity twins of people, and I really know I've nailed one when someone barely knows who the celebrity is, looks at the person, and wholeheartedly agrees with me. Love it.

The group consisted of like 7 couples who all knew each other and then us, but everyone else besides Big Oxy was really nice but really yuppie. Sometimes I get self-conscious around people with lots of money, and then a conversation about "the market" breaks out, and I want to stick my head in a food mill** and turn the crank. Am I getting to the age now where I need to start having adult conversations? Am I supposed to get stoked for a guy when he talks about the granite counter tops in his condo? If he were nailing his girlfriend on the counter top, now that's a story, but otherwise I just can't stand that sort of shit.

Hey, Seven Readers, Is it my own insecurity or is that stuff just real boring? I guess what I'm asking here is for a comment from someone with money who still thinks conversations about money and material things are conversational masturbation.

*Props, another way of saying a prize of nothing, to the reader who tells me what movie this title is in reference to, sort of.

**Just learned about that item that night. I love how general the name is. It's a kitchen item that really doesn't want to get pigeon holed. The other important thing the lady and I took away was . . . Shit, I forgot already, and it was a real good tip, too . . .