Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Dirty Talk

I have my second stand-up open mic gig in only a few hours, and I feel a little weird getting up in front of people and talking about gag reflexes, incest, veiney curved wieners, and dirty talk. Sure, on this blog, I've talked about things like queefs and that thing where your pee splits in two streams, but in front of people is a whole other matter.

I swear that I have no intention of being a shock jock like Andrew Dice Clay* or something. Hell, I don't even have aspirations of being famous at all. My sole intention is to conquer the stage fright so I feel justified telling actors what to say and how to say it front of people - can't do that without having the nuts to get up there myself. This particular routine just kind of snowballed, and yes, it's a little gross - but funny (I hope). The trick is, can I be as funny as I am in the bathroom mirror with the microwave timer set in the kitchen for 5 minutes as I can be in front of the crowd.

Wish me luck . . .
*Searching for "Dice" pictures was a little depressing in that four out of five were the good-looking version from the 1980's, and then every fifth one was the current bald and fat version, one of which seemed to be a candid of him eating not one but two slice of pizza and a regular coke. Ah, hell. Here it is:


HeatherLynn said...

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooood Luck tonight! I will be sending all positive thoughts your way!

Although, i doubt you'll need'll be beautifully vulgar and they'll likely love you!

I've seen your picture....that AND have nothing to worry about.

*crossed fingers in Ohio*

JerseySjov said...

break a leg, or whatever comedians say for luck. break your veiny wiener?
whatever you do, dont imagine the audience in their underwear; thats just hackneyed.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Thanks Lyny and Jersey. Were you my two commenters last time too? You guys rock. Anyway, I really think I did break a proverbial veiney weiner! Much better than the first show. Thanks!

Jenni said...

That's awesome...Good for you! Not so good for Andrew Dice Clay...The years have not been good to him.

Giant Butters said...

Fingers crossed you didn't shit your pants or anything like that. (Not that I know anything about sharting. That guy [Cherry] did, but not me.

radioactive girl said...

I hope it went well for you! That is something I would never do. I can act in plays and be fine, but something where I am responsible for the material? Never!

BeckEye said...

Why did you have to do that? Is there a reason you're trying to hurt me? I had such a crush on the Dice Man back in the day. Must have been all of those viewings of "Casual Sex." Oh, and then when he thought he was Travolta in "Making the Grade." *Sigh*