Friday, October 04, 2013

Carpool Humping Lane

Once again I long awaited for inspiration to sit down and write another post, and this time my muse was an unattractive couple having sex while driving down the Eisenhower Expressway in my home town of Chicago.

I put off posting about this so long that A) everyone has probably already seen it and made fun of it before me by now and B) Many of the videos have been deleted.  After searching for it for a few minutes with no luck, I remembered that it was an old friend of mine who first turned me onto it on Facebook and that link still worked.  Thank you, old friend, for sharing this dangerous and hilarious sex act caught on film!

Now, let's begin the commentary as only Dr. Ken can . . .

0:10 - Despite the fact that the woman in the passenger seat is sure that she's "totally got it" with the video camera on her phone, the woman driving (WD) is really doubting that she does.

0:20 - Passenger side woman (PSW) is starting to think they have filmed enough evidence of this and is fairly sure the fornicators in the car a mere 7 feet away have noticed that they are becoming unsuspecting porn stars.  "No no," says WD.  "It's called safety."  Just what does she mean by that?  "Is that his hand or his foot?"  I thought the same thing, and if he is having sex while driving with his foot, that is highly unsafe, unless he is a professional stunt driver and porn actor.  However, if she is worried about the well-being of her fellow motorists, wouldn't she just alert the authorities rather than make 7 or 8 passes to film them?  I'm starting to think WD is really getting off on the whole moving-car-sex-thing . . .

0:30 - "I want to get her bouncing again.  She's just laying on him."  Yup.  She's a perv.  I was half expecting her to yell some more directions at them and perhaps suggest some new positions.  PSW says she is looking away from them and plans to just watch her video later, but WD is quite obviously gawking at them and speeding up and slowing down to go by them so many times that eventually it looks as if the dude is waving at them while he screws.  A baller move, if you ask me.

0:50 - "Angle it down, you're getting all sky," the director tells her camera person, at which point PSW says I'm done and turns off her phone.  I would agree that she has amassed quite enough footage and has had enough bossing from her half-assed director.  WD would have filmed all day if she had the means.  I sort of think she was hoping they would crash, and she would have the world's best snuff film - she seems just that sick to me.
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Here are my thoughts on this whole thing: Sure, when this couple started humping one another in broad daylight on the highway, they opened themselves up to other people on the road watching and perhaps video taping.  However, they didn't need to be hounded like this.  Just have a laugh (maybe a quick video) and be on your way.  WD was hell bent on filming this thing from the foreplay all the way to the money shot all over the dashboard, and maybe even the clean up.

Meanwhile in the other lane, I can't at all blame the guy for having a shag while driving.  How can you pass that up?  But my man needed to do a better job at distancing himself from other cars.  I have only had a few similar experiences in my wilder days, but when I did, I like to think I could enjoy myself pretty well while keeping the other cars out of view for the most part.  Then again, I was never pursued by anyone with a tenacity quite like WD.

What do you think, Seven Readers?  Are the days of doing it anywhere with reckless abandon ruined by the modern cameras, cell phones, and youtubers everywhere nowadays?  Anyone want to share a crazy place they tried to do it and were busted?





7 comments:

Mr. Shife said...

First time seeing it Dr. Ken. Most of the videos I watch these days involve mutant ninja turtles or a Hispanic handyman with talking tools. We're in the golden age of amateur porn and I've got selfish kids who only care about watching their cartoons. I think it's pretty hard to find a public place to have sex without getting busted these days but that's not my thing anyway. Me and Mrs. Shife have had a few close encounters but never had anyone catch us. I might have to write about one of those experiences if my lovely wife gives me the okay. Have a good one my friend.

David Oliver said...

I've told my kids to never say they would never do something. Because that's what people eventually do. But I would never have sex in a public place...not even for money. Well of course not for money because that would make me...a...porn...actor? A pornator, hey I just invented a new word!

But I get it. I get the why. It's just not my thing and whew! I'm glad showing up on the internet with my underwear down is not something I have to worry about.

David Oliver said...

PORNACTOR

Dr. Ken I hate this word verification thing. Tried about 10 times to preview and no go. Finally gave up and hit "publish." Of course I had an error...

Gorilla Bananas said...

Real doggers do it because they want to be seen. I remember watching a clip of couples humping at night in a car park while voyeurs watched them. A woman shouted "Don't go away or he'll lose his erection!".

Doing it in a moving vehicle is not something real doggers would do.(A) it's dangerous and (B) it's less easy for voyeurs to get a good look at the action.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: I will be anxiously waiting the post about the public display of Shife love!!!!!!! The wife might nix that entry, but I'm officially green lighting this project.

David: Well, with that comment, I think my word verification system was trying to keep out a known pornographer. Just kidding. You sound like a good dad with song sage-like advice for the kids!!

Gorilla: Wow. When you get to the point where you can't do it unless people are watching, that's when you got a problem. Doggers? I think that's a British gorilla term.

Just telling it like it is said...

I still can barely concentrate on anything but sex when I'm immersed in it driving down the road seems impossible..more power to them I say

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Just: Yeah, they just had to get it out of their system. So long as they're safe, I say let them do their thing.