Steve: I appreciate you meeting me at short notice. I know it's been a long time, but I remember when we worked together way back when, you said you knew a lot of . . . people who could . . . get things done.
Roman: Oh yes. (he replied in a thick Polish accent as he sipped from his espresso). I can get a boot off of your car in less than two minutes. I can get you a new identity in a couple days time. And Mr. Roman could get you a very good-looking and convincing transsexual.
Steve: Yeah, those three I don't need right now, especially that last one, but (looks around the empty room), illegal stuff is kind of the way I need to go with this one.
Roman: No problem. Anything for an old friend. Anything within reason, that is.
Steve: Well, here it is: I know a kid who got molested, and I just worry that with the way the investigation is going . . . The kid changed his story, and he didn't come forward for a long time, so there really isn't a lot of physical evidence. And this guy might walk.
Roman: Oh no. He won't walk. (now angry) We can have both this guy's legs broken in no time. I can do this one myself if you want. Would be my pleasure. I hate the perverts.
Steve: No, by "walk," I mean that he might not do any jail time.
Roman: I see. And you want to make this guy dead, is that it?
Steve: No. Just that he doesn't get away scot-free. What are you thinking?
Roman: (Softly whispering) What do you say we have this man raped real good.
Steve: Oh God, no! . . . Wait, you can do that?
Roman: No, not me, but I have people raped all the time. Well, not all the time, but I can get this done for you. Yes. No problem.
Steve: Maybe I don't want to know this, but how do you know rapists, and how can you work with people like that, if you don't mind me asking?
Roman: You must understand, I know a lot of men who have done time, and for them raping isn't as big of a deal as it is to you and I. And what we do in a case like this is simply tell our rapist that this man, this pervert, we simply tell Ulises that he raped a Latin Kings' son, and that's pretty standard practice amongst the Kings to have a man like that raped.
Steve: Whoah. Stop right there. I don't want to know anybody's names. Hell, I'm not even sure I can go through with this.
Roman: Sure you can. This pervert will have the raping of a lifetime (now angry. but a long pause). Then again, he might be into rape. You think?
Steve: I doubt it.
Roman: Yes, but you never know with these pervert types. So maybe we work in a little beating and torture into the mix, what do you think?
Steve: Okay, so if I'm understanding you fully, just in case the rape is somewhat pleasurable for him, you throw in a little torture? Like what?
Roman: Well, I would let Ulis- (Stops himself) or whoever would be doing the rape, use his own discretion to make it particularly torturous and painful, like maybe cram a chair leg into his ass (demonstrates with a nearby chair, stabbing the leg into the air) or whatever's handy, you know (calmly sits back down and takes another sip of espresso).
Steve: (starts to get up) Jeez, that could kill the guy, couldn't it? Like, he could bleed to death if he were stabbed right with a chair like that. Okay, yeah, I really can't go through with this. I'll just trust that the authorities will reach the right verdict and then he will get a raping in prison that wasn't authorized by you or I, or Ulises, who I hope I never meet by the way. Can we just forget I ever came in here?
Roman: Sure. It's your choice. But stay a while. We should catch up. Talk about stuff that isn't illegal. Roman doesn't only do illegal stuff. For instance, these cuff links, I made them (Roman rolls up the left sleeve of his sport coat to reveal a dragon fly cuff link). You see? Dragon fly.
Steve: That's no bad. (Steve puts his head in his hands and takes some deep breaths).
Roman: Hey. What's wrong? (puts his hand on Steve's arm) Don't worry about it, Steve. The revenge and that sort of thing is not for everyone, after all. You're a good guy. Finish your coffee.
Steve and Roman enjoyed another half hour of conversation free of any talk of illegal activities, and no contract of any kind was made - just old friends catching up. And Ulises was never contacted as a result of their meeting.