Monday, January 13, 2014

The Boot


A buddy of mine was in a relationship for a long time in which he was having "the sex" around once or twice a year.  Newly single, he is ravenous out there, taking home women of all shapes and sizes and telling us all about it.  I must say, every time I say him on a Sunday during a Bears game, he shares some hilarious information about one of his recent encounters, the funniest of which would be the following:

He got down with one gal recently, and apparently the act was less than enjoyable for him based on this description of what it felt like to go in there:

"It felt like doing it with a fireman's boot full of warm, spoiled mayonnaise."



Let that soak in for a moment.  Like the mayonnaise.

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How about you, Seven Readers?  Got any friends who became suddenly single, and it's totally weird hearing about them dating?  

5 comments:

David Oliver said...

I think most of us single men have, at one time or other, succumbed to "they all look better at closing time" thing and regretted it later. Fortunately I don't have any story that's nearly as bad as the mayo thing. I must remember this come Thanksgiving.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

David: I have a friend who used to say "We're all God's children in the dark."

Jimmy Fungus said...

You should make a demotivational poster with that quote and a picture of the mayo. It would probably help solve the world's over population problems, if it got passed around enough. On the down side, Hellman's might sue.

Heff said...

If I came from a relationship of sex only once or twice a YEAR, that Mayonnaise would be lookin' pretty DAMN GOOD in my opinion.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jimmy: Good call. We are overpopulated for sure. There should be more subtle reminders that sometimes drunken casual sex is a disgusting affair.

Heff: Hahaha. You're right. He is living life to the fullest and even went back to that mayonnaise jar a few times.