Caution: I'm really sorry if anyone is offended by this post, because I'll admit, it's a little racy. Mom, if you're reading this one, proceed with caution, and please forgive me.
Between being a dork in high school and college, and being in a long-term relationship, for many, many years, I was not too entrenched in the dating game for a long, long period of time. About three years ago up until the present time, I have found myself meeting a lot more women. I've settled down to where I'm only getting together with people I really like, but I had a bit of a selfish phase, which in my mind was well-deserved given the circumstances, where I was taking gals home of all shapes, sizes, and with varying degrees of sanity, intelligence, and overall respectability.
One of the most noteworthy things I noticed in my observations is that three commonalities kept popping up with these gals:
1. The belly button piercing.
2. The tattoo on the lower back, a.k.a. the "tramp stamp."*
3. The shaved, (ahem!). Excuse me.
When you're newly single, any one of these elements is really exiting, and all three is super-duper, but after a while it gets to be a little monotonous and contrived, like, "Okay, shirt off, there's the piercing. Spin her around to take the bra off, cause I'm drunk and it's easier that way, and sure enough, a tramp stamp." Then I'd see number three, and I'd lose my train of thought. I guess just about any time you're in the room with one of those, you really can't complain.
ANYWAY, I got talking to a friend of mine about the big three, and we decided we needed a funny term for that special lady who possesses all three distinctions, and I have my good friend and former roommate to thank for coming up with "The Urban Sombrero." It is actually a term used on Seinfeld for a type of hat, but we've really made the term all our own. You're free to use it . . .
So, next time you're at the bar, if a young lady bends over ever-so-slightly, and out pops a tramp stamp, think to yourself: 'I wonder if she just has that one element, does she have the respectable, or not so respectable, two out of three, or has she achieved the coveted status of "The Urban Sombrero?"'
* The Doctor does not believe any of his readers are tramps if they have a tramp stamp, since it's merely a term, and not a true sign of a tramp or any trampiness at all.