The End of the Argument Settler's Reign

The Internet has killed the notion of simply wondering things. I used to lie in bed and say, "I wonder what ever became of Pete Willis, original lead guitar player for Def Leppard . . . " I'd wonder things like that, and I'd concoct stories in my head as to the possibilities. Maybe he became a roadie or a junkie, or maybe he was a junkie/roadie who had to become what he feared becoming the most: a guitarist for a Def Leppard cover band. Not anymore do I wonder such things. Not for long. Now I can look it up and have an answer instantly, and I always do - on the internet. I can't sleep until I've looked it up, and there are times where I will reach over for the lap top two or three times to look up dumb things I just have to know to rest at ease.

By wondering, we could formulate guesses at things, come up with our own ideas, and this is what people did thousands of years ago. This is what man did when he stared into the sky at the stars and tried to figure out what they were, like, "Uh, those three shiney ones there? That's part of a guy named Orion, a hunter, and he killed lions and stuff. Those three, they're his friggin' belt cause he's an ass kicker. He used to whip lions with that belt, and Metallica thought that was a badass move, so they wrote an eight minute plus instrumental about him." That's how we wrote stories - we made shit up. Now, now we log on to wikigoddamnpedia.com, get our answer, and go back to our boring lives, knowing everything under the sun and thus, we're wholly uncreative bores.

It's also killed the notion of the guy you call who knows lots of useless stuff - the Argument Settler. There were those times where your friend insisted on being right about something you know is wrong, such as Eric Clapton writing "I Shot the Sheriff**," or J.R. was shot by Patrick Duffy, and you know he's wrong, but he just doesn't believe you. The only guy who could convince him he's dead wrong was the Argument Settler. So, you called up The Settler, figured out what's what, and drank free beer bought by your dumb friend cause he was wrong and dumb. You never need to call me, I mean, that guy, anymore cause now that guy is The Internet, and everyone is getting stinking drunk off drinks bought from scores settled by Mr. Internet, and no one is storing any of the information away themselves, like so many dumb-dumbs who can't find their way around in their cars without Mapquest.

Anyone with me here, or am I just getting a case of the butter-churners/barn raisers?
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*He now runs a property management business in Sheffield, England.
**I had a friend who actually thought this, and after showing him a CD that said Marley wrote the thing, he still was not convinced. No information superhighway or phoning any friend, even Clapton himself, could have set this ding-dong straight.