Monday, October 10, 2011

My FIrst Marathon Highlights.

1. My playlist was killer. Just before the race was going to start, I hit play and heard "The Final Countdown" by Europe. I also entitled the playlist, "Chicago Marathon. You Can Do It," so the little voice in my headphones told me that when I selected that playlist. Sometimes I name lists with swears just to make the guy say them. Anyway, the race took me a little longer than I thought so I had to skip through to a couple songs to hear them twice. Songs heard twice: "Back That Ass Up," "Train in Vain," and "Just Like Heaven" to name a few. Major props to Kyuss for having two full albums on my list. I recommend them to anyone who works out or beats people up.

2. The signs people had were great. I saw one that said "Worst Parade Ever," which I thought was hilarious until I saw two more. However, the third one had the pic of the comic book store guy from "The Simpsons," which was a nice touch. Another said "Don't poop" (in big letters) and then "out" in small letters. Another said, "While you're out, can you pick up some bread and milk? We're all out." Turns out it was a friend of a friend with that sign. Another said "Run, total stranger!" These signs made me laugh, which is huge when you're running. Other signs were inspiring, if even just for 5 seconds.

3. People give you cheers and high fives as well, and it's even better if you have your name on your shirt so they say, "All right, Dr. Ken!" High fives from little kids kept me smiling. One lady had a sign that said "free hugs," and I really considered it. Another guy had a sign that said "free beer for runners," and he was giving out tiny cans of beer. I saw one lady with a sign that said "shortcut to free beer" with an arrow pointing the way everyone was running anyway. I only got a quarter through my free beer at the end of the race. It tasted amazing (Goose Island's 312, a great Chicago beer), but it just wouldn't go down.

4. I had plenty of beer after getting home and taking a nap. The last bar we stopped at had a drunk sweaty Black guy doing Thai Chi for the whole bar, for some reason. He was quite pleased with himself, but I was more impressed with the sweat coverage on his shit, which was thicker than anyone in the race that afternoon.

5. I was running a couple miles with a friend of mine until she stopped to pee at a point I didn't have to, and as we were approaching the gay neighborhood of Chicago, Boys Town, where there were male cheerleaders and all sorts of fun stuff, I said to her, "I can feel the gayness." And she said, "What? You can smell the anus?" I laughed and said, "No, that's not what I said, but I wish I had because it's fricking hilarious . . ."

6. On a serious note, I wore a ribbon with my buddy Gung Ho's mother's name who just died of cancer. I had it on my back, so I would periodically check it it was still there through out the race. She made it the whole way!

7. Was I in pain? Yes. At one point people were handing out Ben Gay type stuff in packets, and I damn near squirted in my mouth before I heard someone yell, "No! Don't eat it!" Wait, it gets dumber. After putting it in my hand, I rubbed it all over my knees and took a pee, touching my wang with the stuff. I'm not going to say it hurt, but it did just feel super weird, and it was all I could think about for a whole mile.

14 comments:

sybil law said...

It was the perfect recap! Congrats!!

You're totally going back to Boys Town tonight, aren't you?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Thanks, Sybil. I have been known to party with the gays every now and again. Those boys know how to party!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...
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CurlyKateMcGee said...

I think you can use that for sex, products are sold that do the same thing :)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Curly: I don't think I'll be trying any more burning agents on my privates, but thanks for the advice. : )

radioactive girl said...

Awesome! I am so glad you wrote about it, I was thinking about you yesterday.

Number 6 is super sweet! I love that about you.

The dumbness comes from being exhausted and pushing yourself so hard, don't you think? I remember one triathlon where I was running and so so tired and someone yelled out my name. I looked at the person and had no idea who it was. I thought about it for the next mile and a half before I remembered that my shirt had my name on it. Duh!

Mr. Shife said...

Congrats on the race. Awesome stuff Dr. Ken. I love "What? You can smell the anus?" Too funny. Also, nice tribute to your friend's mother. And I hope you beat that pregnant lady.=) Congrats again; you are an inspiration. Seriously, you are. I am not being a smart ass ... this time. Go Bears!

Urbanist Chic said...

I bet Dylan McDermott never ran a marathon, which totally ups your hotness anti.

Sister said...

Hilarious about the Ben Gay. Great Job on the race!!

RevRee said...

I'm back! Pass it on! :-P

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Radio: Yes, and I couldn't think straight afterwards either. I just wanted to transport to my bed. I couldn't make nice with people, couldn't even smile. Congrats on your tri's! I'm out on those . . .

Shifey: You smell the anus???? Go Cards! Secretly I am pulling for the Brewers, and in doing so, I'm making them lose.

Urbanist: Good point. And he's getting some crow's feat like a mutha. Thanks for your kind words. You're pretty hot yourself.

Sister: Yes, I felt pretty dumb. And my wiener felt weird.

Rev: Now there's a name I haven't seen in a long time. You were down back in 2005. Represent!

RevRee said...
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RevRee said...

Yeah, I was pretty awesome back in 2005!...now I'm married with two step-kids...I still ROCK though!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Rev: In 2005 we were all a little more awesome. Still, congrats on the marriage and things. Hope all is well.