Tuesday, October 30, 2012

"Children of the Corn," a Movie Review 28 Years Too Late.

When my girlfriend, LSD, and I were looking through free movies to watch on Amazon Prime, for some reason, perhaps because it's the Halloween season, we both decided about the 1984 Steven King horror film, "Children of the Corn."  What's funny is that the only people I know who gave me a review of this movie were my sister and my neighbor, and they both did so 28 years ago when they were stupid-ass kids.  Naturally, they both loved it!

The film actually starts in pretty kick ass fashion.  A bunch of devil/corn worshiping kids slice the throats and poison the coffee of all the adults in a town, and somehow without the rest of the world knowing, they totally take it over.  Their means of keeping this quiet is to switch a few highway signs around and just murder the crap out of any motorists who have the misfortune of taking a wrong turn through their fair city.

Such is the piss-poor luck of Linda Hamilton from "Terminator" and her husband in the movie, the guy with the long hair from "30 Something" and "Side Out," or if you prefer, the-guy-with-the-bicycle from "Singles."  They run up against Malachi, the red-headed murderous ginger, and Isaac, the fruity thespian, Napoleon complex baddy.  They're kind of like the Darth Vader and Emperor of the "Corn."

My lady and I had to start skipping through the movie because it was just so darned crappy.  I should have listened to adults before investing any time in this one and should not have listened to 1980's suburban 9-year-olds.



3 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

The red headed dude was a total creep.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Zibbs: Malachi was a beast. But then him and 20 other kids can't do squat to "30 Something" guy, and that made him and the rest not scary. I was telling LSD that it was his old man strength that allowed him to kick ass on those whipper snappers.

Cocaine Princess said...

I remember watching it when i was little with my big sister and freaked out how creepy both Malachi and Issac were. Years later when I re-watched it some scenes were laughable.

It's hard to believe 9 sequels have been spawned after the original.