Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Wendy

Wendy, the one the popular fast food restaurant is named after, is now the lead spokesman in the ads.  Before her it was Dave, her father.  The thing is, Dave was always overweight and eventually died of a liver cancer, which I think would be bad for business.  After all, the liver is not a fan of breaking down processed fatty foods.  However, along comes Wendy, no longer the thin girl with braids that you see a picture of on your Frosty, and now she is quite heavy as well. 

"It's my damn company, and I'll eat every last one of these over-sized fries!"
 I would say that with the kind of money she has, she should be on a strict work out regimen to show those customers that you can pick a lot of healthy options at Wendy's, but I can't blame her.  If I were Wendy, I would be out partying all night, show up at 7AM to a local Wendy's and  demand free bacon double cheeseburgers.  If they said there was only breakfast, I'd say, "Muthafucka, I'm Wendy!  Why don't you take a look at those cartons you shovel fries into all day long through out the course of you pathetic existence.  That's right.  That was me as a scrawny kid.  Now I'm a grown-ass BBW, so take your ass back there and fry me up my Big Bacon Classic!  Wendy loves her some Wendy's!"
Does she stick wires in those to make them do that?
 A friend and I were talking about this situation at the bar tonight, and then one of us said how maybe she would be a BBW a man could get it done with, but it might require a brown bag.  Maybe a couple Wendy's bags.  With french fry grease stains.  On each of your heads.  In case someones falls off.  But that's just a mean thing to say.
I like the shorts on that guy in the background
 So, what do you think, readers?  Should she drop some pounds for better press, or do you like to see someone who looks like they like to eat promoting those types of places? 

9 comments:

Heff said...

She should pose for PLAYBOY, AS IS, laying on a bed of cheese, with a Fresh/Not Frozen Beef pillow behind her head.

The Grand Wave said...

I think she just looks creepy as fuck in the picture you put up. Like she wants you to try to take that burger from her. "Just try it...try to take it...I will sit on your face if you do." At least that's what I thought.

BamaTrav said...

Should she have her "lilly" covered in a lettuce leaf like Eve, since Playboy is so "tasteful?"

Heff said...

YES. Playboy doesn't often show BEEF CURTAINS, and for some reason, I have the feeling Wendy's are THICK AND SQUARE...

Damn, I KILL ME.

"HOLD MY PICKLE, WENDY !!!"

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff: That is the sexiest thing I have ever heard of. I want to go to a drive through now in the worst way and order THAT.

Grand: True. She does sort of have that "come hither towards my burger" look that I love so.

Bama and Heff: These are great ideas. I think the two of you should be running the show over at Playboy.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

And P.S.: This is like the good old days for me, where my comment section is more funny than my post. Keep that coming and thanks.

Heff said...

I'll do my worst, lol.

BamaTrav said...

I will don my sleeze jacket.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Nice work, boys. I'll be sure to keep coming by if you keep your dialog going on here. Love that sort of thing.