Sunday, March 03, 2013

The Incredible Exploding Boobies

Last night I met Haircut and Oates for some buckets of beers and perhaps a few too many chilled shots of Rumplemintz at a hole in the wall bar nearby in Chicago.  The place is kind of famous for its giant boobed alcoholic bartender who gets a little too drunk while she is working, screwing up orders and saying insane stuff.  She wasn't working last night, but she did come in to hang out on her night off, something I have seen more than once before, and she was very excited to see Oates, who she views as a little brother, often giving him unsolicited romantic advice.

For some reason we got on the topic of her giant fake boobs, and she told us that she has had two accidents resulting in having to have them replaced.  The first happened when she was on a first date with a guy and she felt one of them suddenly leak, putting a damper on the date.  Literally.

The second one is the one that made me fall out laughing and just made me glad to be alive to hear wacky stuff like this.  She was leaning into a fence trying to get the perfect picture of a giraffe when she was suddenly jolted by the electric fence, exploding her tits!  After one of those mishaps, she said the owner of the bar payed for another round of boobs for her.  Two good perks to working at that bar! 

Can I help you?  Did you get a good enough look this time? (This isn't actually her, just a random Google image)

Have you ever heard of anything like this, or do you have a bartender or barfly tale you would like to share?

7 comments:

Cocaine Princess said...

An exploding breast?!?! Sounds like
something you'd see in a Seinfeld episode or something! Wow, never heard of that one before.

Heff said...

The owner KNOWS what's good for business.

A SOUND investment in my opinion.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Coke: That's what I'm here for, giving people stuff they never even heard of.

Heff: I thought you'd see it that way, buddy. : )

Mr. Shife said...

This might be the greatest sentence I have ever read in my life: "She was leaning into a fence trying to get the perfect picture of a giraffe when she was suddenly jolted by the electric fence, exploding her tits."
Thank you Dr. Ken. I will be telling this story to my friends and you will become an even bigger legend.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: You're right, that sentence is full of weird information.

Vapid Vixen said...

The hell????? I didn't know that was even possible. Note to self, stay out of zoos...or work with a really generous boss.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Vapid: That boss is generous, yes, but he also knows that the boobs bring in money.