Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Stanky Booty Ass

The lady and I got aboard a train to go downtown for Christmas shopping, and the second we poked our heads in we smelled the foul stench of a thousand dirty assholes.  It was rough.  I was really tired that morning and needed my coffee badly, but those dookie fumes surely had already seeped into my cup.  I will take sleepiness over poop java every time.

A Black couple stepped on at the next stop, and while his girlfriend took an air freshener out of her purse and sprayed away liberally, he had the following to say:

"Aww hell naw!  Who's the smelly-ass muthafucka on here?  I don't care if it was Obama himself smelling like that, I'll smack you in the head with some soap, with yo' stanky booty ass."
He was actually scanning around the room and making eye contact with all the passengers, hoping to find the culprit.  The smell really angered him.   I like his idea of executing some poetic justice on the guy by braining him with soap, and while "stanky booty ass" doesn't seem to make much sense, seeing as booty and ass mean exactly the same thing, "self" in this sense means more like "himself," if that makes sense.  It was worded perfectly.

And my coffee flavor was instantaneously changed to Stanky Booty Ass. 


5 comments:

David Oliver said...

I could question whether "booty" and "ass" mean exactly the same thing. It depends on how the words are used. The guy changed tense in his statement a couple of times. But I don't care about any of that. Sometimes perfect grammar doesn't cut it. Not even close. This guy said what needed to be said and I'm betting he got the stanky booty ass's attention.

Gorilla Bananas said...

'Booty ass' is good. It provides emphasis and focuses the mind on the offending organ. I'm pretty sure Shakespeare's comic characters used similar figures of speech.

Mr. Shife said...

Stanky booty ass. I think that is the tagline for the rest of the Bulls' season.

Jimmy Fungus said...

I hope there is a Part 2 to this, so we can find out the source of the stanky booty ass. Nice cliff hanger!

Kenneth Noisewater said...

David: Yup. He said it. I said similar remarks for the people in my immediate area to know, but he put everyone on notice. God, it was so smelly.

Gorilla: You crack me up. The offending organ was intense. Smelly and aggressive. Awful.

Shife: Hey! We won tonight. Dunleavy with a buzzer beater to win on the road. But, yeah, stinky booty ass is about right for this season. Maybe next year.

Jimmy: To be honest, I think the stinky booty ass guy had already left the train. No one looked homeless enough to amass that type of stench.