Thursday, February 20, 2014

7 Quick Things About Lap Dances for Babies

Get a load of this.

Yup.  That appears to be a baby getting a lap dance.  

7 things I got to thinking about after seeing this . . . 

1. Is this something this woman does all the time, or was this an impromptu drunken activity?

2. Because the woman in the background seems less than thrilled about the whole thing, checking her phone and practically falling asleep, it seems as if maybe she has seen this song and dance before.  

3. The baby's wide eyed face is outstanding at the end of this clip.  It's funny because that's the exact look a man 20 years plus his senior gets in a similar situation.  

4. Is it morally wrong to give a baby a lap dance?  I suppose it's a little worse if this is his mother in the video.  Even if it isn't his mom, she would need permission from the boy's mother to twerk for him, right?  But should she give consent for such a thing?

5. There are two schools of thought about lap dances for babies.  1) A baby gaining that experience so young makes him a boss.  He's already ahead of the pimpin' game before he can even walk.  2) Getting a lap dance before you can walk is kind of like getting a BMW on your 16th birthday.  We want to give our children the best things in life, but shouldn't one earn such luxuries?

6. Now, okay, so you're going to shake your butt in a baby's face, but do you have to get your privates so close to the boy?  I mean the kid can practically smell it.  My reaction was like, "Oh, that is just wrong."  But then when she kneels down and her but is inside the baby device with the kid, that's when it gets over-the-top creepy.

7. I need the song from this clip on my iPod.  She shakes her butt exactly to the "oh! oh!" part, and the baby's eyes get wide right on cue for each "oh" as well.  Even if the morals and methods of passing time used by the people in this video are suspect and maybe criminal, the music they use to accompany their weird lifestyles is nothing short of awesome.  

What do you think, folks?  Leave me a comment if you are pro, anti, or undecided about baby lap dances.  


David Oliver said...

The word perverted comes to mind but I dunno. The baby is far too young to associate this with sex. If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one to hear of course it makes a sound but does it matter?

Cocaine Princess said...

Hmm, "Is it morally wrong to give a baby a lap dance?"

-now there's a question I never thought I'd be answering.

Good grief that poor little baby! I can only imagine on one his birthdays in the distant future they'll probably air this video at his party.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Babies find rhythmical movement soothing, so it was probably good for him. What is a butt to a baby? Nothing but a big soft cuddly toy. I suppose many men feel the same way, but the difference is the boner.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

David: Right. It's sick and wrong, but would it really have any impact on the baby? It had an impact on me. Enough to take the time to write about these morons.

Coke: Actually, he'll probably get lap dances at every birthday until he's 72.

Gorilla: Yes, people of all ages, shapes, and sizes like rhythmic booty shaking. Great point.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Also, I'm going to ask some ladies if I can play with their cuddle toy, and I'll tell them Gorilla Bananas sent me.

Mr. Shife said...

Disturbing is the first word that comes to mind when I think of that lady giving a baby a lap dance. Am I a bad dad because I didn't hook up Kyle with a stripper when he was still rocking his diapers? I'm sure he'll make up for it when he is of age since he has my blood in his veins. Thanks for giving me nightmares tonight, Dr. Ken.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shide: Are you a bad dad for not arranging for an infant lap dance? Yes. Just kidding.

Anonymous said...

Nope. Doesn't work for me mate. Also, wanted to tell you that your old yahoo account is sending spam.

That whole sexualised move in front of a kid displeases Miss Smack.


JerseySjov said...

based on the clothing and the nonreaction of the girl in the back, i'd say this was just a couple idiots messing around with one of their baby brothers/baby sons. at 10 seconds it mighta just been a snapchat that got saved.

there's no way the kid is going to remember this happening, and if shaking your ass in front of someone who won't remember is illegal, lock me up for all the table dancing i did at college parties.

Jimmy Fungus said...

What's really sad, is this baby is getting more action than I am. I blame Miley Cyrus for all of this.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Honeysmack: I changed my password. You will no longer get gross emails. But expect gross blogs like this one.

Jov: Not a crime. Just really weird. And that song kicks ASS!

Jimmy: Don't I know it. That kid is a stone cold pimp.